I turn around. “Gosh, he’s annoying.”
“That’s what I’ve been saying from the beginning,” Colton says. I don’t look over at him when he speaks. Instead, I pull my knees up in my chair and pull the sweatshirt out and pull it out and over my knees. I make sure to pull it extra hard to try and stretch it out. David knows what I’m doing. I smile innocently at him, but continue pulling on the end of the sweatshirt.
Leaning my head down on my knees, I listen to everyone conversing around me. I hear the sound of a chair scraping back, but I don’t move. Emma laughs at something David said. Logan is talking with Liam and Bragden about training techniques. I notice that Colton is really quiet. I am about to look and see what he is doing when someone grabs my arm. I recognize his cologne the second he stops near me. “I need to talk to you,” he whispers to me.
As soon as I feel his breath on my ear, I get goosebumps. Because the sweatshirt is covering my arms and legs, they aren’t visible. Somehow I suppress a shiver. I look up and let him guide me out of the room. Emma smiles at me as we walk past. He leads me upstairs to one of the bedrooms.
After pulling me into a room, he closes the door and leans against it, watching me. This scene is too similar to the one where he kissed me. I try to make myself look interested in the room’s furnishing. A large bed is centralized against the closest wall with a white duvet cover. It looks very soft. I wonder if my room has the same one. A small wooden nightstand is on the right side of the bed. It is furnished with a small lamp and an alarm clock. There is a mahogany armoire in the corner of the room.
“Ryanne.” I slowly turn around and face him.
Absentmindedly, I say, “That is my name, yes.”
“Don’t you want to know what happened?”
I cross my arms and lean against the bed post. “I don’t know.”
“You don’t know?”
“Yeah, I don’t know.” I look around and focus on the window. I don’t want to look at Colton when I say this. “I’m afraid,” I whisper. When he doesn’t say anything, I glance up at him. He’s watching me. Thousands of emotions are crossing his face. I can’t decipher between any of them.
Looking toward the ground again, I continue, “Before I met you, I closed myself off. I shut everyone out. I didn’t let people get close to me or get to know the real me. I built up this wall around me so no one could get in. And no one even tried. No one can hurt you if you don’t let them too close.
“Then you came along. Ever since I met you, you’ve been breaking down that wall, brick by brick. Just being around you weakened the foundation of my erected wall. It scares me how good it feels to finally let someone in. I don’t want it to feel good. I like my wall. It’s the only thing protecting me. Keeping me sane. But it literally crushed me when I saw those guys bring you and Liam into the room because I realized that I couldn’t change it. I couldn’t change the vision. Everything I tried to do to change it, failed. When I finally got away from Adam and ran over to you…you were…” I bite my lip and take a deep breath. I need to remain calm. “Dead.”
“You were gone, Colton. And the onslaught of emotions that I felt freaks me out. I don’t like feeling that much. I didn’t even know it was possible to feel that many emotions at once. I screamed at you, but you didn’t hear me. I pounded on your chest waiting for your heart to beat again, but it didn’t. You left me. You promised to wait for me, and then you left. And I wanted to give up. I didn’t want to fight anymore.” I choke as the tears start streaming down my face. Gosh, when did I become such a crier?
“I can’t go through that again. I realized then how much you mean to me. I use my head because it’s easier to think logically. If I were to think with my heart, I’d end up with a heartache or heartbreak. I can handle the physical pain, but a person can only handle so much emotional turmoil, Colton. I’m pushing the limit already. When I saw that you were dead, it felt like I was suffocating under the pressure of those emotions. There’s only been one other time in my life when I felt that much at once. It scared me that I may never see you again or that you’d never tell me that I was being stubborn or that I had a death wish. But above all that, I was afraid I’d never see you smile at me or get to train with you…or…or tell you that I love you,” I whisper the last part. I’ve never said that to anyone else before. But I know I love him. I can’t imagine being without him.
I turn toward him. He is staring at me but doesn’t say anything. He just stares. Oh gosh, he doesn’t love me back. He doesn’t feel the same way. I thought that he did, but maybe he wanted to tell me that he only wanted to be friends with me. Maybe he thought that the kiss was a mistake, and he was going to tell me that he wasn’t waiting anymore; that he was moving on.