Chapter Five
Holy. Shit. Mary walked quickly to the OSU library on 18th Avenue, trying to get her mind off other things, but only being able to think about her little meet-up with Alex. It had taken a hell of a lot of strength on her part not to look over her shoulder. She had felt his eyes on her so palpably it was like he had been actually touching her. She was rather proud of herself for at least acting semi-normal, but toward the end it had been damn hard when she had felt the way he looked at her, like he wanted to do really wicked things to her body. It was also a little unnerving and distracting when she noticed his erection, which he either didn't care that she saw, or thought it was something that would go unnoticed. Even now, just thinking about the way his biceps had bulged underneath his t-shirt, and of the way his abdomen muscles had been clear as day through the thin material, had goose-bumps forming along her flesh. She must be a masochist, because the only thing Alex would be sure to give her was a broken heart. There had been plenty of girl talk around campus, and she would have had to be hard of hearing not to catch all the horrid details of the hearts he left in tatters. Mary found it all rather ridiculous that the girls around campus knew how Alex Sheppard was, yet they still ran up to him like he was some rock star. The red stone, arched entryway building came into view. When she reached the entrance she pulled the door open and walked inside.
Taking a seat at an available computer, she started searching titles for her courses, but concentrating on anything was pointless, especially when all she could think about was how her parents would react when she brought Alex to Margo's wedding. A lot of eyebrows would raise, a lot of gasps would sound, and slightly covered mouths would be obvious as they whispered how scandalous it was that she brought "trash" to their uppity little gathering. Maybe it was a bit childish to want to shock the lot of them, but all her life she had felt like an outsider, like the square peg trying to be shoved into the circle slot. A small part of her also grew warm at the idea that Alex agreed to go with her. For a wealthy community that her family ran in, they were worse than the ones they looked down on. They lifted their noses to the lower class, had the most scandalizing secrets, and stabbed each other in the back. But face-to-face they were all smiles and catty humor. Mary wanted to show them that it didn't matter how much money a person had, or what they looked like. They were still human beings and deserving of respect. Hearing her mother repeatedly ask about bringing a date, her sister's nagging about what she should and shouldn't do, and the overall anxiety that seemed to plague her on a daily basis made her feel unsteady and out of place Inviting Alex to join her had seemed like the perfect release.
Release.
Such a simple word, but it meant so many different things. The one meaning she was currently thinking about was the sweet release that she knew she would surely have by being with Alex. Mary wasn't a virgin, but she certainly wasn't an expert on sex. Alex on the other hand was, and that could be very intimidating. But no, Mary couldn't go there, wouldn't. She wasn't in the habit of letting her heart get broken, and she also wasn't the type to have random sex. Emotions were always involved, for her at least.
The vibrating in her bag drew her out of her thoughts. She reached for her phone, and the number that flashed across the screen had her stopping mid-stride. Why was he calling her? The only plausible explanation was that something was wrong. Anxiety immediately took root in her belly, and she slid her finger over the screen to answer the call.
"Hello?" She grabbed her stuff while balancing the phone between her shoulder and ear, and started walking out of the library in quick steps.
"Hey." Lance's voice was calm and unhurried, so all of her anxiety vanished. If something was wrong surely he wouldn't be so collected. But then that thought was followed by why her ex-boyfriend was calling her in the first place. She must have paused a little too long in responding, because he cleared his throat and started talking again. "I know, you're probably wondering why I'm calling you."
Yeah, she was. She found an empty bench outside and sat down, waiting for him to get to the reason he had called her.
"I was just seeing how you were doing."
Mary felt her eyebrows knit. There were a few students down the way laughing rather loudly, a dog barking somewhere in the distance, and the noise of someone's bass beating an angry tempo, but none of those things even held a candle to the loudness of her heart pounding in her ears.
"You called to see how I was doing?" Now it was his turn to be silent for a moment, but that might have been because her tone was a bit crass. Mary pressed forward, because this conversation had gone on a little too long. "Why exactly did you call me, Lance? I know it wasn't just to check up on me."
It had been over two summers ago since she had last spoken to Lance, and the memories were less than favorable. Anger, hurt, and betrayal mixed inside of her, and she was pissed at herself for still feeling this way. Those unwelcome emotions had been buried deep inside of her, and she thought she had moved past all that, but hearing his voice had brought up the memory of how he had pushed her away so easily, and made her feel like what they had shared was really nothing at all. He sighed dramatically, and she heard the sound of sheets rustling in the background. Had he called her right after he screwed someone, or maybe she was still lying beside him in his bed? It wouldn't have surprised her either way. She should hang up, yet she didn't.
"I did call to see how you are doing. It's been years, Mary. I still care about you." Mary didn't bother hiding her snort. She should have been way past this, had in fact, but then all it took was one little phone call to drag her bag to that place. "We are adults, have matured and all that."
Dead air filled the space between them, and she glanced at the ground. A pigeon landed a few feet from her, pecking at the cement and then fluffing out its wings.
"Are you there, Mary?" She gritted her teeth, not about to let him gloss things over. She might have been a pushover back then, let him get away with things that were inexcusable on every level, but not anymore. She didn't need to prove herself to him, his family, or even hers. Mary was now standing on her own, and living her life, and because of that had grown in more ways than one.
"Yeah, I'm here." She didn't bother hiding the iciness in her voice. "To be honest, Lance, I don't have much to say to you. I think your parting words back then were adequate."
He sighed again, which pissed her off even more. He had left her heartbroken and humiliated in front of all of the people she had thought were her friends, yet here he was trying to act like that had been so long ago, and it wasn't even a big deal.
"Listen, I already apologized for how I acted back then, and don't really know why you haven't moved past this. That was so long ago. There isn't any reason we can't be civilized to each other. Our parents are best friends."
Mary pinched the bridge of her nose. Why she was still on the phone with him was beyond her. She should have just hung up already. "Lance, I'm not getting into this with you, especially on the phone. You calling me out of the blue doesn't do anything but piss me the hell off." She felt her face heating at how angry she was getting.
"God, Mary, going to a public university has changed you. Here you are swearing like some kind of sailor." She rolled her eyes even though he couldn't see her. He had a lot of nerve thinking he could talk down to her. Had he thought she'd forgotten how he used to treat her? The time that had passed was nothing in the grand scheme of things. Right when she was about to tell him she was done talking he started to speak again. "Your mom told me you're coming down before the wedding. I was thinking we could get together, maybe before for lunch on Saturday? I know you have the rehearsal and all, but for old times' sake?"
She wasn't surprised he knew when they were having the rehearsal, not when he probably knew every aspect of what was going on in her family's life.
"No." The word came out so quickly and harsh that she was surprised with herself, but then again she was furious that she was still talking to Lance, and that she allowed herself to continue to do it after everything that happened between them. "Things are done between us. I don't need or want to be your friend, even if our parents are close. I've moved on, started my life, and am not thinking about the relationship we had. You decided on what you wanted to do back then, and so did I."