~14~
The tension between them grew to be almost unbearbale. Tatum hadn't thought that Jameson would take her confession so hard. She hadn't said she was in love with him. She hadn't asked for marriage or babies or anything – she knew what was going on between them, knew it was mostly one sided. She was okay with that, or at least that's what she told herself. And she told him, too, right after he had let go of her and stepped away, his face hard and pale.
She spent the whole next week telling him it was okay, but it didn't seem to matter. Conversation didn't flow between them the way it used to. He became prone to sitting in silence behind his desk, and when she would look up, it was often to find him staring at her. Frowning.
Not a good sign.
She asked Sanders if anything had been said to him, but nothing had – Jameson was keeping silent on his thoughts. She began counting the days, waiting for him to tell her it was over. She would wait till he said something, she wouldn't throw in the towel. She would finally win one of their games.
Strangely, though, it didn't affect their sex life. If anything, he went harder. The day after her little confession, Tate was coming down the stairs when suddenly he was behind her, a hand in her hair, forcing her against a wall and her shorts down around her ankles. A day later, she was held down on the couch in the library. The nights were the same – sex, sex, and just when she was about to fall alseep, a little more sex.
His mouth was filthy and his hand heavy. It was like she had opened a flood gate. She couldn't tell whether she was being punished for her confession, or rewarded. She certainly wasn't complaining. She encouraged him, pushed him to – and over – the edge as often as she could; wanted to make it all as good for him as possible.
I want him to remember me. I want every woman after me to be compared, and found lacking. He will rememeber me.
At the end of the week, as she was bent over his desk, trying to catch her breath, he let the hammer drop. Her panties were in a ball on the floor, her skirt a bunched up mess around her waist. Her scalp was stinging, as well as her ass. She was on cloud nine when he backed away, sat in a chair, and sighed.
"I'm leaving," Jameson said in a low voice. She held her breath for a second.
"Where are you going?" she asked, still laying flat against the desk.
"I have to go to Berlin," he replied.
"How long will you be gone?" she pressed. A long pause.
"I don't know."
Tate took a deep breath. Licked her lips. Stood up and put her clothing to rights. She didn't think it was fair. If she had known that would be the last time they were going to have sex, she would've been more assertive. Insisted on facing him, looking in to his eyes. He had such amazing eyes. She walked over to the other chair and sat down as well. The fire was roaring, like always, but she didn't mind the heat. Welcomed the sizzle against her skin. Wondered if Sanders had anymore xanax.
"Is this it?" Tate whispered. Neither of them looked at each other.
"Do you want it be?" Jameson asked.
"Obviously not. But if you do, it's fine. I'll go pack my stuff, and when you come home, you won't even know I was ever here," she tried to joke.
"Tate."
"We'll have to work out a custody schedule for Sandy, though," she laughed. "He's half mine now. I want to -,"
"Tatum."
"What?" she asked, finally looking at him. The wing of the chair hid his face.
"This isn't a joke," he told her. She nodded.
"I know that, I'm just trying to make you comfortable. It's okay, Jameson. I promise. I'm okay," she assured him. He sighed.
"Why are you so good to me?" he whispered. She laughed.
"Because you were so bad to me," she teased.
"Do you want to stay?" he asked, and she could see him turn his head towards her. The bottom of his face became visible. His strong jaw, stern mouth. She shivered.
"I don't want to stay where I'm not welcome," she answered his question sideways.
"You're always welcome, Tate. Just ..., you have to know, I'm not ready for what you want," he told her. She nodded.
"I know that. I'm not asking for one single thing. I never did. Maybe we should just end this, go our separate ways. It's kinda sick, right?" she laughed. He suddenly stood up, walked over to her chair, and pulled her up as well.
"I don't think it's sick," Jameson breathed, pulling her in to a hug. "I care about you, Tate. I hate you, and you ruined things a little, but I care about you so fucking much. How did you do that to me?"
"I'm special that way," she whispered, a tear slipping down her cheek.
"This was all supposed to be a game. What happened?" he asked. She shook her head.
"I have no idea. Maybe you weren't mean enough," she managed a laugh.
"Maybe I was too mean. You are a freak like that," Jameson replied, and she really laughed.
"Shut up."
"I don't know what to do with you. I don't know what I want. But I don't want you to go. Wait for me?" he asked in a soft voice, his lips brushing the top of her head. She took a deep breath.
"I waited for you for seven years. I can wait a little longer," she answered. He chuckled.
"I hope I don't take as long this time. Will you be here when I get back?"
"If you want me to be."
"I do."
"Then I'll be here."
"Why can't you be this compliant in bed?" he asked, and she laughed again.
Satan's on a roll tonight.
"It wouldn't be as fun," she replied.
"You have ruined me, Tatum O'Shea," he told her. "Completely wrecked me."
Her breath caught in her throat.
"It's only fair, you did it to me first," she whispered. He finally pulled away from her, held her at arms lengths. His eyes traveled over her form, and she wondered what he saw. What he really saw in her.
"I leave early tomorrow morning. You are welcome to stay here at the house, otherwise I'm going to have Sanders close it up," he said, his voice all business as he let her go.
Close it up?
"Sandy isn't going with you?" she asked. He shook his head.
"No. He hates long flights, hates Germany. He'll stay here with you, or at a place in Boston," Jameson explained. She sank in to her chair.
"And you have no idea how long you'll be?" she asked. He shrugged.
"Two weeks. Maybe a month," he told her.
Tate let out a sigh of relief. That wasn't so bad. She had been expecting him to say something like six months. She didn't know if she could handle that, but a month wasn't so bad. She could do that, go that long without him.
"I'll stay in my apartment. Or hey, if I get lonely for you, I'll just go shack up with Sandy, 'mini-you'," she teased. He glared down at her.
"Better not. He tells me everything, you know, and I will be coming back at some point," he warned. She took a deep breath.
"So. What are the rules?" she asked.
"Pardon?"
"Rules. We have rules for everything, if you haven't noticed. Do the same rules apply?" she asked. He nodded.
"Sure. You can fuck your way through Boston," he said. She snorted.
"One guy. I've slept with one other guy this whole time. You've fucked half the country," Tate pointed out. Jameson laughed.
"That's why I have to go to another continent. Gotta get more stories for you, gotta keep you turned on," he told her.
"You do that just fine, all on your own, Mr. Kane," she assured him. He smirked and leaned over her, his hands on her arm rests.
"Tell me you'll miss me," he demanded. She nodded.
"I will miss you."
"Tell me you'll think about me, if you fuck anyone else."
"I always do."
"Tell me you won't fall in love with anyone else, while I'm gone."
All her breath flew out of her body.
"Not possible, so not a problem," she whispered.
He kissed her. Didn't touch her anywhere else, just her mouth. Slowly and sweetly, lips brushing over hers, his tongue sweeping its way past her own. She moaned, brought a hand up to the side of his face. This. More than anything, she wanted to remember him like this; she loved his biting words and his stinging hand, but his kiss. His kiss gave her hope. He kissed her for several long moments and then pulled away.
"Alright, Tatum. Give me a night that'll have me dreaming about you the whole time I'm gone," he told her.
She smiled and slipped to her knees in front of him.
This, she could do. This, she was very good at.
Love, however, was a completely different story.
~15~
A month wasn't so bad. She could get a lot done in a month.
Tatum broke the bad news to Rus. Explained to her that Ang just wasn't a relationship kind of guy. Tate didn't play it, but she showed Rus a DVD of one of his movies. The cover was enough to make Rus turn a little green. So prim and proper. There were some tears, and a general cursing of men, but she got over it.