Deep(41)
“What.” It didn’t have the energy of a question. It was just a word.
He stepped in, making her walk backward, and closed her door, leaving Donnie outside. The apartment had a strong, earthy scent he couldn’t place. Not unpleasant. Exotic. “What’s wrong, bella?”
“Don’t. Just don’t.”
“Is this about Vanessa?”
“Is that her name? And no. I just had a crappy day. I’m fine, and I want to be alone.”
He caught her right hand and turned it up, showing the inside of her wrist. “I thought your problems were the weight of a feather.” Allowing himself the luxury of impulse, he lifted her arm to his mouth and kissed her tattoo, feeling the raised skin of her scars against his lips.
Her eyes flared. “Why?” She pulled her hand, but he didn’t let it go.
“Why what?”
“Why be nice to me? Is it a game?”
“I don’t play games.”
“You don’t play games, and you don’t have regrets. Your life must be really simple, then.”
He chuckled. “No, bella. My life isn’t simple at all. Tell me what happened to make your day crappy.”
“You happened.” She pulled her hand again, and this time he let her have it.
“Please?”
She walked some distance away. “I worked a full shift, and now my ribs are killing me because I got caught up in somebody trying to bomb you. I have somebody following me around everywhere I go because the person who tried to bomb you now thinks you give a shit about me, and might hurt me because of it. My best friend was a total jerk to me because he thinks I’m—in his words—a stupid twat for liking you. And then I come home to find out that he’s totally right and you’re a liar and do have a girlfriend. You’re right. It shouldn’t matter. I don’t, so you shouldn’t.”
“I do.” He went to her, turned her around to face him again.
“Do what? Have a girlfriend? Matter? Well, bully for you. Not to me.”
“I don’t think that’s true, or you wouldn’t be in here crying. But that’s not what I meant. I don’t have a girlfriend. You saw an uninvited and unwelcome guest. I do give a shit about you. You do matter.”
“Why?”
“I think it’s early to say. But I’m here, asking what’s wrong, because I care.”
She gave him a lengthy, sidelong look. “But there’s no Good Nick.”
“No, bella. There’s only me. If you want a good man, then you shouldn’t cry over me. I’m not a good man, not the way most people would define it. My life is dark and violent. So am I. But I told you that I’m good to people I care about. That was the truth. I treasure what’s mine.”
Something in his words had particular impact, because her expression and posture changed dramatically. Most of the clouds cleared away, though she eyed him with something like reluctance. Or trepidation.
“What are you saying?”
“I said what I meant, Beverly. What are you hearing?” She blushed bright red and looked down at the floor. He hooked a finger under her chin and made her face him. “Tell me.”
Lifting her head free of his hand, she huffed. “Oh, what the hell. That you want to be with me. Is that what you’re saying?”
It was. He did. Whatever that meant. What he felt about Beverly was different from what he’d felt about Vanessa—or any of his other comares. They had been amusing distractions, ornaments, a required part of his capo package. He’d enjoyed lavishing gifts on them, he’d enjoyed the handsomeness of the couple he made with them, he’d enjoyed fucking them.
He could see enjoying all of that with Beverly, too. But there was something else underpinning the usual veneer. He was interested in her. In her history, in the way she saw the world. In the heart that she simply held out to people with faith that they would be gentle, even as she feared they would not.
“Yes, bella. That’s what I’m saying.”
“Oh, shit.” She stepped to him and leaned her forehead on his chest. “Oh, shit. Oh, shit.”
Feeling a pull in his chest at the light pressure of her head on him, Nick fed his fingers into her soft hair. Holding her head, he lifted her away. Her expression was completely open, that 3D movie playing in her blue eyes. Staring down into them, he saw faith and trust. And fear.
He kissed her. Unlike the last time, now she responded immediately, opening her mouth, drawing his tongue in and sucking on it. Surprised and captivated by such unexpected boldness, and feeling the rhythmic pulse of her mouth straight down to his cock, he let go of her head and wrapped his arms around her body. For the first time, he had her fully in his arms, and she felt divine.