Lindsay
“You could stay here, you know?” Taylor assured me. “My parents would let you; they love you.”
I sat on her bed still clutching my purse, the positive test securely inside.
“I can’t,” I whispered.
“Why?” her voice sounding a little hurt.
“I’m pregnant, Tay,” I stated as I averted my eyes. “I think I’m gonna call my grandma. I know we haven’t talked in a couple years, but I don’t think she would turn me away. Her falling out was with my parents, not me. Maybe I could convince her to let me move in with her for a while. I could take classes to get my GED.”
“Oh my god, Linds.” She pulled me in toward her and wrapped her arms around me. For a moment we just stayed like that, as I allowed myself to believe the last couple months had not happened.
That was until she broke the silence.
“What are you going to do about the baby? Are you gonna keep it?” she asked and I nodded. Without a doubt in my mind I was keeping my baby. “What about Zack? Shouldn’t he be held responsible? He can’t just walk away without supporting his child.” Taylor’s voice held an aggravated tone.
“He doesn’t want me, and he doesn’t want our baby. He made it obvious I was a pastime, nothing more.” The pain of what Haven told me only hours ago was still so raw. “I went to see Haven and she called him to tell him I was pregnant.” I pulled back from our hug and straightened my shirt. “He said he didn’t want kids. He told her to tell me he would send me the money for an abortion.” I wiped at the tears that escaped, my stomach was again twisting as I recalled the smirk on her face as she relayed Zack’s words.
“You need to tell someone. Go after him for child support or something,” she insisted.
“No.” The thought made me sick to my stomach. “I could never bring attention to him regarding this. He could get in trouble and lose everything, and I could never forgive myself for that.”
“But…” she tried to argue, but I stopped her.
“But nothing. I told her to tell him to keep his money, and that he was a shit excuse for a man.” I shrugged, playing it off as if it hadn’t broken my heart. I didn’t expect him to offer to marry me, or even come running to my rescue. But acknowledgment that he was going to be a father, and reassurance that he would help me with his child, sure would have been nice. Even if he and I couldn’t have anything together, I still believed he would be the type of guy who would never turn his back on his child. “I don’t need his help.”
I took in a deep breath, refusing to let my situation weigh heavy on me.
“How the hell did Haven talk to Zack anyway?” she asked with a confused look.
“I guess she’s still talking to his friend, Rigdon,” I replied.
It had only given Haven the upper hand, and I hated that she was playing it so well. “I need to go somewhere and start over. Some place away from my parents and everything here.”
“Even me?” Taylor’s eyes were glossy and her lower lip trembled. “What about me?”
“We’ll always have each other, Tay, even if there are hundreds of miles between us. We’ll always be best friends,” I told her.
***
My conversation with my grandma was a hard one. She and my mother had a huge falling out a couple of years ago, and there had been no contact since then, especially after my dad grew angry and turned on my grandma as well. His words were unforgiveable, and I hated him for the things he said to my grandmother.
After more than two hours and a lot of tears, she agreed to me coming to stay with her. My grandpa had passed away many years ago, and she lived alone in a small town in southern Illinois. My mother was an only child, which meant Grams had no one else, so me moving in would also be good for her.
Pickneyville’s population was about 5,500. It was a quiet and peaceful town. I was thinking this would be a nice place to raise my baby when Taylor pulled into my grandmother’s driveway.
Her house looked so inviting. Small, but it definitely held that homey feeling I craved. And when she stepped out onto the front porch, drying her hands on a dishtowel, I broke. It was in that moment I realized just how much I had missed her influence in my life.
I craved the bond I knew she and I would share.
I was home now.
I would get a job and finish high school. I would do everything I could to give my child a better life than I was given. I wouldn’t be the kind of mother my own mother was. I would never turn my back on my child, never allow the things she allowed. I would protect my baby, and even if he or she only had one parent to love them, I would make sure it was enough love to keep them from ever feeling unwanted.