When our eyes met, I searched for an answer. “What does this mean?”
“I don’t know,” he said, his voice somber. “The fates are at play, and we are their pawns.”
I pulled my knees up to my chest and wrapped the coat around me.
“Is that why you have nightmares?” he asked. “Because of the fire?”
Christian could never understand that he was the reason why I didn’t have nightmares about that fire. My night terrors had nothing to do with the events of my childhood.
“No,” I said but didn’t elaborate. Beneath his coat, I gripped my heart-shaped necklace and squeezed it in the palm of my hand.
“If you want to sleep, Raven, I’ll watch over you.”
A draft snuck through the gap by the wall, and Christian secured the coat over my right shoulder. “Are you mad it was me?”
I nestled against him, my feelings conflicted. “No. I’m just… confused.”
Christian had always been the antithesis of what I considered an honorable man, and yet little by little, he kept proving me wrong. After this new revelation, my feelings shifted toward him, though I wasn’t sure how. But I trusted him more than I had five minutes ago. Vampire or not, the man had pulled me from certain death without thought to his own life. Finding out Christian had endured severe burns made it clear that the only motivation that could have been behind it was his heart.
But why had fate brought us together again?
“Is that why you hate humans so much?” I asked. “Because you almost died saving one?”
“I’ve learned over the years to grow more detached in my feelings about mortals. I cursed my decision. I wondered if it was all for naught when that little girl would probably grow up in abject poverty and not amount to anything in life. And now… here you are.”
“Sorry to disappoint.”
Christian leaned around and met my eyes. “Just have a look at you. A crossbreed. Who could have imagined that one day you’d become an immortal like the world has never seen? Perhaps I don’t feel so regretful about the pain I went through to pluck you from the flames.” He reclined back. “Had I kept walking that evening, I wouldn’t have anyone to torment me with her dark humor and horrendous cooking.”
“You didn’t even try my food.”
“I think I’ve built up an appetite. Perhaps next time.”
The wind rustled a few papers around us, and I watched them scatter across the dirty floor.
“Why don’t I charm someone out of their car and get us home?”
I chuckled. “Where’s your sense of adventure? I’m too tired to move. Let’s just lie here until morning. You said yourself the streets are too dangerous and cabs don’t come out here.”
He clasped his hands together. “Now that we’re getting to know each other, do you want to tell me about your Creator? About how you were made? I think you at least owe me that.”
And I did.
As much as I’d wanted to bury that part of my life and forget it ever happened, I owed Christian the truth. He had given me a second chance in life, and maybe he needed to understand what exactly that meant.
“Promise to let me finish? No jokes?”
“I don’t wish to quarrel.”
I drew in a deep breath and began. “Well, I already told you about my Vampire maker and how we met. He wanted to make my death believable, all the way down to admitting me to the morgue. He drained me close to death after a blood exchange, but I don’t think he finished the process. I don’t really know how that works.” Just speaking about it sent terror through me, as if recounting the memories would make them real again.
“It’s magic,” Christian said. “Somewhat. It’s a careful exchange of blood. We give you just enough of our magic to keep you regenerative but not quite alive.”
“I woke up in a morgue. My maker was supposed to come get me, but he never came. The man in the room didn’t seem surprised when I rose from the dead.”
Christian inched back enough to look at me. “Was he Breed?”
I scooted away from him, finding it difficult to snuggle up to anyone while telling this story. “A Mage. He took me away. I was too weak to do anything, and I thought he was helping me.”
“What happened?”
“He gave me my first spark. I’m guessing that wouldn’t have normally worked on someone who was turned by a Vamp, but here I am.” After a moment’s pause, I added the most important fact of all. “He was a juicer.”
Christian cursed under his breath.
“I didn’t know anything about the rest of the Breed world. I made the decision to become a Vampire on a whim, so I didn’t realize what was happening to me.”
“Creators are the worst of the lot. Did you get his name?”
I averted my gaze. “He kept me for seven long months, Christian. Do you think I didn’t get his name?”
“Then we have to find him. Bring him to justice.”
I shook my head.
“Raven, you can’t protect him. If he did it once, he’ll do it again.”
“I can’t. I’m afraid of him.” I clenched my fists at the admission. I’d hunted down all types of nefarious men. But my own Creator, I couldn’t bring myself to go after. “He brought me to a place where I felt less than human—like a possession or an animal. I can’t. You don’t understand what it’s like. He’s got some kind of power over me.”
“His light is inside you. I understand a little about that. It’s not much different from how blood ties you to your Vampire maker. There will always be a connection you can’t deny, but that doesn’t mean he owns you.”
I sat Indian style and leaned forward. “My brain tells me that. But there’s a voice inside me that warns me not to open that door again. As much as I want him dead, I’m not ready to revisit that place in my life. If it doesn’t kill me, it’ll take what’s left of my soul. It took me years of struggle to become the person you know. Maybe that’s not saying much, but if you saw who I was then…”
My lip quivered, and I turned my head away. I’d successfully switched off my emotions these past few years—that was why I was impervious to fear—but now the floodgates were opening, and it made me furious. “I guess now you think I’m an emotional basket case.”
“Tears don’t make you weak,” he said. “Fear does. Weep all you want over what happened to you; that’s your right. But never give someone your fear. That’s power. That’s control.”
I wiped my nose and grimaced from the pain. “You’re always telling me to leave the past behind, and now you want me to dig it up? That’s not what Viktor would want me to do.”
I turned to look, and Christian’s jaw set.
“I’ll keep watch,” he said, finally standing up. “With all this chattering, someone’s liable to hear us.”
I ignored the old me for just ten seconds and stood up, turning Christian around so we were facing each other. My hands rested on his straight shoulders, and our breath clouded the air between us. “Thank you for saving me,” I whispered.
His warm fingertips touched my cheeks as he held my gaze. The old me would have looked away from his penetrating Vampire eyes, but Christian and I were caught in a thread of time where the past and present overlapped. I wasn’t looking at a Vampire or even my partner. I was looking at the man who’d stolen me from the arms of death.
There was nothing more intimate.
He leaned in and kissed the corner of my mouth, and my breath caught.
“Déjà vu,” I said, puzzled by the emotions ripening in me like a familiar fruit I’d tasted once before.
A forbidden fruit.
Christian’s scruffy beard brushed against my chin, and he held that torturous position for longer than I could bear. There was a softness to his lips, the way they touched mine without kissing, and his smell was intoxicating. Maybe Vampires didn’t have a unique scent to Chitahs, but there were subtle nuances. It was as if I could smell his blood. When my fangs slid down, he cradled my neck possessively, and I leaned into him.
Dark hunger burned in his eyes, but what I was feeling was so powerful that it went beyond lust. I’d come full circle, finally face-to-face with the man I’d kept on a pedestal my entire life. And yet Christian had turned out to be the very Breed I loathed—the part of me I shunned.
We didn’t kiss, and yet that “almost” kiss was the most passionate I’d ever known.
“I’m a different man,” he said, still holding my gaze. “Colder. But if you asked me to do it all again, knowing what I know now… I would.”
Chapter 15
After running the full gamut of emotions and expending all my Mage energy, I’d fallen asleep. I woke up bone-cold, lying amid rotted papers stained with my blood.
Yet…
“Your face was a mess,” Christian said from the opposite side of the filing cabinets, his arms folded. “It was only a drop.”
I touched my nose and ran my fingers down the straight bone. There was still blood clotted in my nostrils, but it wasn’t swollen or broken that I could tell. “You force-fed me your blood?”