Dear John(27)

After dinner, we headed back to the house, which was surprisingly quiet. The music was still playing, but most people were relaxing around the fire, as if anticipating an early morning. Tim sat among them, engrossed in earnest conversation. Surprising me, Savannah reached for my hand, halting me in my tracks before we reached the group.

“Let’s go for a walk,” she said. “I want to let dinner settle just a little before I sit down.”

Above us, a few wispy clouds were spread among the stars, and the moon, still full, hovered just over the horizon. A light breeze fanned my cheek, and I could hear the ceaseless motion of the waves as they rolled up the shore. The tide had gone out, and we moved to the harder, more compact sand near the water’s edge. Savannah put a hand on my shoulder for balance as she removed one sandal, then another. When she finished, I did the same, and we walked in silence for a few steps.

“It’s so beautiful out here. I mean, I love the mountains, but this is wonderful in its own way. It’s . . . peaceful.”

I felt the same words could be used to describe her, and I wasn’t sure what to say.

“I can’t believe that I only met you yesterday,” she added. “It seems like I’ve known you much longer.”

Her hand felt warm and comfortable in mine. “I was thinking the same thing.”

She gave a dreamy smile, studying the stars. “I wonder what Tim thinks about this,” she murmured. She glanced at me. “He thinks I’m a little naive.”

“Are you?”

“Sometimes,” she admitted, and I laughed.

She went on. “I mean, when I see two people heading off on a walk like this, I’m thinking, Oh, that’s sweet. I’m not thinking they’re going to hook up behind the dunes. But the fact is, sometimes they do. I just never realize it beforehand, and I’m always surprised when I hear about it later. I can’t help it. Like last night, after you left. I heard about two people here who did just that, and I couldn’t believe it.”

“I would have been more surprised if it hadn’t happened.”

“That’s what I don’t like about college, by the way. It’s like a lot of people don’t believe these years really count, so you’re allowed to experiment with . . . whatever. There’s such a casual view about things like sex and drinking and even drugs. I know that sounds really old-fashioned, but I just don’t get it. Maybe that’s why I didn’t want to go sit by the fire like everyone else. To be honest, I’m kind of disappointed in those two people I heard about, and I don’t want to sit there trying to pretend that I’m not. I know I shouldn’t judge, and I’m sure they’re good people since they’re here to help, but still, what was the point? Shouldn’t you save things like that for someone you love? So that it really means something?”

I knew she didn’t want answers, nor did I offer any.

“Who told you about that couple?” I asked instead.

“Tim. I think he was disappointed, too, but what’s he going to do? Kick them out?”

We had gone a good way down the beach, and we turned around. In the distance, I could see the circle of figures silhouetted by the fire. The mist smelled of salt, and ghost crabs scattered to their holes as we approached.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I was out of line there.”

“About what?”

“For being so . . . upset about it. I shouldn’t pass judgment. It’s not my place.”

“Everyone judges,” I said. “It’s human nature.”

“I know. But . . . I’m not perfect, either. In the end, it’s only God’s judgment that matters, and I’ve learned enough to know that no one can presume to know the will of God.”

I smiled.

“What?” she asked.

“The way you talk reminds me of our chaplain. He says the same thing.”

We strolled down the beach, and as we neared the house, we moved away from the water’s edge, into the softer sand. Our feet slipped with every step, and I could feel Savannah tighten her grip on my hand. I wondered whether she would let go when we got close to the fire, and I was disappointed when she did.

“Hey,” Tim called out, his voice friendly. “You’re back.”

Randy was there, too, and he wore his usual sulky expression. Frankly, I was getting a bit tired of his resentment. Brad stood behind Susan, who was leaning into his chest. Susan seemed undecided about whether to pretend to be happy, so she could learn the details from Savannah, or to be upset for Randy’s benefit. The others, obviously indifferent, went back to their conversations. Tim stood and made his way toward us.