Dear Bridget, I Want You(42)

Simon: Good. Enjoy it and wear it. Have a great vacation. I expect to see tan lines when you get home. P.S. My thoughts of you when I look at that picture are anything but sweet.



The rest of the afternoon, I did exactly what the doctor had ordered. I wore my new suit and enjoyed myself. After an evening swim with my son in the warm, ocean water, I took a stroll along the beach with my mom and Brendan. The sun was beginning to set and lit the sky in vivid shades of purple and deep orange.

“Wow. It’s beautiful,” I said to Mom.

“Isn’t it?”

I found myself thinking that Simon would probably enjoy a beautiful sunset. So, I snapped a few pictures intending to send them to him later. I might have even encouraged Mom to take a picture of Brendan and me on Brendan’s phone with the sunset in the background as we stood on the beach wearing our matching suits. I secretly hoped my son might send it to a certain someone.

When it got dark, we headed back up to Mom’s. I took a quick shower and then Brendan went to take a bath. Mom poured us each a glass of wine in the kitchen. She smiled warmly at me. “You seem better now, Bridget?”

“Better?”

“Happier. The last time you came down to visit, I was really worried when you left. You weren’t yourself. Actually, it’s been quite a few years since I saw the real Bridget.”

I sipped my wine. “Well, my husband died, Mom.”

She hesitated for a moment. “Yes, of course. But I meant it had been a few years even before Ben died since I saw you smiling like you did today.”

“What do you mean? Ben and I were happy.”

“I didn’t mean that you weren’t. You just…I don’t know, dear. I suppose the best way to describe it is sometimes we lose our spark. It doesn’t mean we’re not happy. There are just certain times in life when, for whatever reason, we go through the motions without feeling the zest for life. You know? Think about it, when was the last time you enjoyed a sunset like you did tonight? You were absolutely radiant watching it this evening.”

I hated to admit it, but she was right. I’d been coming down here every year for the last ten years, and I couldn’t remember the last time I took notice of a beautiful sunset. But that didn’t mean I wasn’t happy with Ben, did it? “I don’t think we usually stay out on the beach that late, Mom.”

She smiled. “We allow ourselves to see what we’re looking for.”

My brows drew down. “How many glasses of wine did you have while I was in the shower? You sound a little Maya Angelou-ish to be my mother.”

We both laughed. Finishing off my wine, I caught the time on the wall clock—it was almost eight. “We should order some dinner. I haven’t fed Brendan since lunch. He must be starving.”

“There’s a new little Greek place down the block. How about that?”

“Sure. That sounds perfect. Do you have a menu?”

Mom dug it out from her packed menu drawer and handed it to me. “I’m going to take a shower. Add four chicken kabobs and some hummus and chips to whatever you and Brendan want.”

“Four chicken kabobs? You must be starving, Mom.”

She smiled. “Did I forget to tell you that we’re having company in a little while?”

“Company? Who?”

“My new neighbor, Jonathan. He’s a few years older than you and widowed. He’s also extremely handsome. I’ve told him all about you, and he can’t wait to meet you.”

Oh, goodness. I could see where this was going.

“You’re trying to set me up with him?”

“I didn’t say that. I just thought it would be nice to introduce you two.”

“Great.”

A half-hour later, Jonathan Leopold joined us for dinner in the screened-in Florida room. We enjoyed the Mediterranean food while a warm, evening breeze blew in. You could see Jonathan’s house from my mother’s; it was just a stone’s throw away. It made me happy to know that he looked out for her often.

He seemed like a great guy. We’d all gotten a good laugh when he ran around trying to help Brendan catch a small lizard that was hopping around the room.

Jonathan was a real estate agent who’d lost his wife to cystic fibrosis five years ago. They’d never had kids. He was smart, charismatic, and darkly handsome—everything you could want in a man, really. The only problem was that Simon was infiltrating all of my thoughts. So, I wasn’t giving Jonathan the attention he probably deserved.

Dinner was pleasant but ended on the early side.

Deciding to give it another go, I accepted Jonathan’s invitation to lunch the following day. He ended up taking Brendan and me to his favorite restaurant by the beach, and we spent the afternoon frolicking by the water. Still…I felt nothing. My mind was too focused on Simon to really enjoy Jonathan’s company. I pretty much ruled out anything happening between us after that. Not that it could have really worked out anyway, with my being in Rhode Island and Jonathan living down in Florida. But I suppose a fling couldn’t have hurt me, under different circumstances. I just couldn’t get myself to want that with him. Even though I knew focusing on Simon at this point was not helping me, I couldn’t stop my feelings. Sadly, even masturbating to thoughts of Simon seemed more appealing than actual sex with Jonathan.