He sighs and rubs his eyes.
“What about?”
He swallows. “I gave Ava shit today, and I shouldn’t have, but she messes with my head.”
I know.
“What specifically happens in your dreams?”
His jaw tightens. He crosses his arms, which looks funny while he’s lying down.
Unease gathers and builds in my gut. “Dane. Just look at me. I’m your brother. No matter what you tell me, that will never change.”
He shows me his face and it’s tortured, his mouth turned down, his forehead creased. “Last week, I dreamed I was in those woods with her.”
Apprehension ratchets up higher, but I keep my face blank. “Why would you dream that? You weren’t there. You left with Liam.”
“I don’t know why.” His eyes cloud over. “It freaks me out.”
“Are you hurting her in your dream?”
He shakes his head. “No, but I’m there, and it’s just me and her alone. It’s dark and she’s on the ground. I’m standing over her and her eyes open and she screams. Then I wake up. I wish Dad had never told us about her police report. Maybe that’s it. Or maybe it’s not, and I was there—” A long gust comes out of him. “What the fuck is wrong with me?”
“You weren’t there. And don’t do drugs, asshole.”
He sighs, avoiding my gaze again. “Can we turn on the TV? Maybe watch some football or something?”
“Sure.” I click on the remote and bring up a game. I have noticed he’s been sleeping with his TV on for a while, and I get the feeling he’s up a lot more than I realize. “You want a glass of water too? Maybe a blankie or a teddy bear?”
He tries to grin. “Well, if you’re getting up, I’ll take some water.”
I roll my eyes and throw the cover off, pad into the bathroom, and pour two cups of water. I walk back over, giving one to him and keeping one for me.
“Cheers,” I say dryly.
“To a good football season. It’s your year, man,” he adds.
“Mmmm.”
He drinks his, sets it on the nightstand, and plops back down on his side. “We can’t tell anyone we slept in the same bed. You feel me?”
“This never happened.” I lie down next to him.
“But if that dream of mine comes back, or yours…well…”
I turn on my side, pulling the covers up. “You can sleep with me whenever you want, bro.”
“It doesn’t make me a pussy,” he mutters.
I laugh. “I never said it did.”
“You’re thinking it.”
“Sounds to me like you’re trying to convince yourself. Go to sleep.”
The game playing on the TV casts dark shadows on the wall behind me and I watch them. Still restless from the dream, my head wanders to how badly I want out of this town. Out of this empty, lonely house.
And Dane…wherever I end up, I’ll always take care of him, just like Mom wanted.
Ava dances in my mind, the way her shirt clung to those lush curves today—
Flipping over, I punch my pillow and shut those thoughts down.
A few minutes later: “Knox?”
“Yeah?”
“You’re all I’ve got in the world, man.”
You’re all I’ve got in the world. Dane-speak for I love you.
I reach over and take his hand for a second. “Me too. Now go to sleep.”
Nobody’s happy at six o’clock in the morning, but excitement builds inside me. Early morning practices? Bring it. Football cuts through the emptiness, and shit, I need it.
I want to play in college, but there aren’t a lot of scouts beating down my door. Last year we sucked, losing five games straight by the end of the season, our worst record in forty years.
Coach Williams personally questioned all of us about the kegger, but with no proof, the assault was forgotten as the weeks went on. By the time Christmas rolled around, no one talked about her except in whispers.
Is it because our football team is on a shiny gold pedestal?
Is it because most of this town is run by our fathers?
Yeah. All of that.
Dane picks up a ball and we pass it back and forth to warm up.
I feel a bump in my back and turn to see Chance walking up with Liam. He gives me a thumbs-up, and I give him a nod, feeling relieved. Guess he’s over seeing me with Ava.
Both of them are holding to-go coffees.
Coach, a tall burly man with bushy eyebrows, finishes making notes on his clipboard about who has shown up. “Knox, take the offense and run sprints then we’ll line up for scrimmage. No pads or helmets. Limited contact.” He sweeps his eyes over us, including Liam. “Keep it clean today, boys.”
Yeah, yesterday, there was some pushing and shoving, mostly between the offense and defense.
The offense gathers around, Dane and Chance on either side of me. Dane is the tight end and Chance is my go-to wide receiver. “You heard him—put your pussy coffees down and let’s get to work.” Chance rolls his eyes but dashes off to set his cup on the bench. “Ten sprints to the thirty and back, then line up on me. Let’s kick some defense ass today, got it?” We all clap.
Under the rising sun, I finish my sprints first with Dane and Chance. We jog up to the fifty-yard line to wait.
Liam and a few of the other defensive players make their way over, and Liam opens his mouth. “What’s up with you and Ava yesterday? You two buddies now?”
“You don’t know anything about what happened to her tire, do you?” I reply.
He laughs. “If I did, I wouldn’t tell. I’m no snitch like Ava is.”
“Don’t say her name again,” I say, cracking my neck. “It doesn’t belong here on the field. Brand new year.”
“You giving me orders?”
I straighten my shoulders. “I’m the captain. I know what’s best for our team.”
He nods, and for a second I think he’s going to let it drop, but then his jaw pops. “She’s back and it brings that shit up again. I didn’t appreciate police officers interviewing me like I was a suspect last fall. What if they start doing that again, huh?”
“Your dad’s the mayor—I think you’re covered.” Chance smirks.
“Yeah, I don’t want any questions either,” someone grumbles, but I don’t see who it is.
“—that’s what I’m saying,” comes from another.
Liam sends whoever said it a chin nod then looks back at me. “You act like you’re on Law & Order when it comes to her and it’s annoying as fuck. First, you came to all of us last year like you suspected us. Now you’re changing her tire? Bullshit. If you’re hot for her, just bang her like you do every other girl and get back to being our teammate.”
My fists curl, and I know I need to focus on building this team back up—without discussing Ava—but I can’t stop myself from commenting. “Something happened to her, and the person who did it is one of us or a senior from last year,” I say, reaching for the pretense of diplomacy by including them. We only had four seniors last year and only two of them showed up at the party. One left early with his girlfriend, and the other guy ended up passed out in the back of another player’s truck and was driven home before things really got going.
Some of the guys around me nod in agreement, their faces set.
“We should put it behind us,” says a junior from the offense.
But some of them give me hard, heavy-lidded looks. Brandon, another defensive player, is one of them. With carrot-colored hair and brittle dark eyes, he’s in line to take Liam’s place after he graduates.
He steps forward and nods his head toward Liam. “I’m with him. I don’t want any questions either, not from the police and not from you. She lied to cover up cheating on Chance. Who knows who it was, but none of us did anything illegal.”
Cheating on Chance? A scoff comes out of me. Shaking my head, I recall a few times when I wanted her to, when I looked at her and—
Glancing at Chance, I see he’s no help, not with his eyes on the ground.
I shouldn’t react. Nope. I should just stop talking, put this aside, and focus on playing the game.
“I don’t even know who you are,” Liam grunts. “She’s chum. She’s Shark bait. She’s nothing.”
“You brought her up, not me.” My voice is soft.
Dane jostles against me. “Dude. Let’s play football.”
Liam barks out a rough laugh. “That shadow of doubt hangs over all of us, even you. You think I don’t see the way some of the teachers look at us? The headmaster?” His face hardens. “Even Jolena looks at me different.”
I shrug. “I doubt you need to worry about Ava showing up to anymore of our parties.”
Liam locks eyes with me. “If she does, I figure I’m owed one tussle in the woods. If I’m going to be accused of something, I should at least get the chance to actually enjoy it.” He grabs his crotch and grins. “She’ll scream for more like every other girl.”
Everyone on the team freezes, and I…I feel like someone blindsided me with a two-by-four.
My right fist connects with Liam’s face. His head snaps back but his surprised eyes never leave mine. Rage colors his face and his punch comes quick and accurate, hitting me in the eye before I can dip down. I can’t even feel it. Oh, hell yeah, bring it. I’ve been itching to hit him forever. I think about the first time I saw him and Dane snorting coke at one of Liam’s barn parties. We got into a scuffle then, but I didn’t hit him nearly enough—