“I need to put the numbing agent on your back.”
Mandy shook her head. “It’s not necessary.”
“The doctor says it is.”
“I’ll be fine,” Mandy said. “Just give me some of the painkillers and they’ll knock me out.”
James narrowed his eyes, watching Mandy curiously as she struggled to stand up from the couch. “Why don’t you want me to put the salve on you?”
“I don’t want you to see it,” Mandy said. “It’s gross. The nurse showed me when she was helping me get dressed in the bathroom this morning. It’s … nasty.”
“So?”
“So? So I can’t let you see me looking like that.”
“Baby, you’re hurt,” James said. “I can handle it. You seem to forget that I was in the military. I’ve seen every kind of wound known to man. There’s nothing under there that’s going to somehow freak me out and send me screaming out of the room.”
“I’m scared you’ll … .”
“What?”
“That it will gross you out so you’ll never want to look at me again,” Mandy admitted.
“Is that why you want a shower so bad?”
“Maybe.”
James sighed. “Sweetie, don’t make this harder than it has to be. I love you. Waiting two more days for a shower isn’t going to change that. Seeing your back isn’t going to change that. I promise.”
Mandy sighed, tears welling in her eyes. “Okay.”
“Okay?”
“Okay.”
“Why don’t you go into the bedroom and try to get comfortable on the bed. I’ll get the Q-tips and the salve and I’ll be in there in a minute.”
“Okay.”
After collecting the supplies and shutting the lights off in the main apartment, James found Mandy lying on her stomach on the mattress. She was facing away from him, and James had a feeling that was on purpose. She was embarrassed and worried – two things he didn’t understand and didn’t have the energy to deal with.
James climbed onto the bed as gently as he could, situating himself on his knees next to her. He reached for the T-shirt and lifted it up so he could have easier access to the middle of her back. He’d seen the bruises when he’d helped her get dressed earlier, each one serving as a stark reminder of just how close she’d come to leaving his world.
He carefully loosened the tape holding the white gauze in place, taking extra time to make sure that it was completely separate from the tender skin before he pulled it away from her body. He could feel her body stiffen when oxygen hit the wound.
James made sure to keep his breathing even, even though his pulse shot up when he saw the angry gash. The doctor had sewn it up, making sure to keep the stitches small and neat. In a few weeks, he would barely be able to tell the wound had ever been there. Now, though, he wanted to hit someone.
James took the salve and squeezed it onto the end of one of the Q-tips. He dabbed it on the wound carefully, glancing at Mandy’s profile from time to time to gauge her pain level. She didn’t move as he covered the six-inch cut from one end to the other. She remained still as he affixed a fresh gauze square over the top of it. She was still silent when he collected the supplies and dropped them on the nightstand next to the bed.
James stretched out on the mattress next to her, laying on his belly and turning his head so he could look at her. He reached his hand out, linking his fingers with the one part of her body he wasn’t scared to touch, and captured her good hand.
“See, all done,” James said. “I’m not even freaked out a little.”
Mandy sniffled, turning her head to face him. “I feel really pathetic.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m helpless,” Mandy said. “I’m helpless and I smell.”
James tightened his grip on her hand. “It’s only for a little while, baby. This will get better. I promise you that.”
“I know.”
“Try to look at it this way,” James said. “At least we have each other. We came really close to losing that.”
“I know.”
“Then sleep. The more you sleep, the faster this will go by.”
“You need to sleep, too.”
“I’ll be right here,” he said. “I’ll be sleeping right here.”
James remained in the uncomfortable position until she drifted off and then he cautiously shifted over onto his back. When sleep finally claimed him the nightmares were waiting.
Seven
Finn and Grady let themselves into James’ apartment before the sun rose. They’d gone to the market, buying everything they could think of to keep Mandy fed and comfortable during her convalescence.