Deadly Desire (Riley Jenson Guardian #7)(49)

“I don't want this.”
My laugh was harsh. “And you think I do? For fuck's sake, Kye, you're the last man on this earth that I would ever want to make a life with.”
The smile that twisted one side of his lips was bitter. “Ironic, isn't it, that we find the one thing that most wolves spend their lives searching for, and neither of us actually wants it?”
“Oh, I want it all right. Just not with you.” I rubbed a hand across my eyes. They were stinging, but no tears were falling. Perhaps I was simply beyond them. “So what do we do?”
“Do?” He reached for his pants and pulled them up. “I suggest nothing. Let's walk away and continue living our lives as we otherwise would.”
It wouldn't be that simple, I was sure. There was a connection between us now, a link that went soul deep. But I guess we had to try. I didn't want this man in my life, soul mate or not.
“Then get out and don't come back.”
He smiled then, but it was a cold smile, a harsh smile. “Good-bye Riley. It was a pleasure, however brief.”
He gave me a slight bow then turned and walked out. I released a breath, then slid down the wall and hugged my knees close to my chest.
What a goddamn, fucking mess.
But I guess I should have known fate wouldn't give me a soul mate without adding her own nasty twist.
I should have arrested the bastard when I first had the chance, then maybe none of this would ever have happened. But I couldn't undo the past, no matter how much I might have wished to. I needed to move forward.
And that meant confronting an even bigger problem.
What the hell did I say to Quinn?
wo hours later I was still at Hanna's, but I'd moved from the inside of the house to the outside, and had parked my butt on the curb. That's where Rhoan found me.
“So,” he said, plopping down beside me and handing me a cup of coffee. “I heard it all went down as expected, and you caught your bad guys. Or gals, as the case may be.”
I took a whiff of the coffee and smiled. Hazelnut. Rhoan obviously knew I needed a pick-me-up, even if he didn't know why.
“Well, it didn't exactly go the way I planned—” which had to be the understatement of the year—“but we stopped them, and that's what counts.”
He sipped his coffee and didn't answer immediately, staring instead at the house across the road. There were three kids standing at one of the windows, and their little faces had been practically glued to the glass for the last couple of hours. Nothing like a half-naked woman and a host of Directorate vehicles and people to make an everyday suburb more interesting, I guess.
“That older kid over there is getting such a boner watching you.”
“You can tell that from here?”
“His heart rate is way up, and there's a whole lot of blood heat concentrated around one certain area.” He flicked me a grin. “Although it could be me he fancies.”
“Either way, he's a boy with excellent taste.” I took the lid off my coffee and took a sip, but the steaming liquid did little to warm the ice that had formed deep inside.
“Undoubtedly.” He paused to take another drink. “Jack has sent a team to go dig up the daughter, but he doesn't think there's going to be much chance of her being sane.”
“How long has she been in the ground?”“She was declared dead eight years ago.”
I grimaced. One year would have been insanity-inducing. Eight was the stuff of nightmares. “What is he going to do with her?”
“Probably send her to the vampire council. It's up to them to decide from there.”
“You think they can save a mind destroyed by being locked underground for so long?”
“Maybe.” He shrugged. “The magic must have kept her alive, because even the strongest vamp can't survive that long without blood. So maybe it preserved some sanity, as well.”
Anything was possible, I guess. I sipped my coffee and waited for the question that was undoubtedly coming next. I didn't have to wait that long.
“So, who was with you today?”
“Kye. He saved my ass.”
“And then you had sex.” It wasn't a question. He could no doubt smell him all over me.
“Yes.”
“Do you think that was wise?”
I snorted softly. “Brother, you have no idea just how unwise that little event was.”
My voice broke in the middle of it, and Rhoan wrapped an arm around my shoulder, hugging me close. It felt so safe and warm—like everything would be okay, no matter how bad things got. Which is everything I should have felt with my soul mate, and everything I didn't.
“Tell me,” he said softly.
I took a deep, shuddering breath, then said, “Kye is my soul mate.”
For several seconds, he didn't react, but I felt his surprise as sharply as if it was my own. Then it burst out of him. “What? Are you sure?”
I laughed, but it was a harsh, almost crazy sound. I gulped back the anguish and rubbed my free hand over my eyes. They still ached, though the tears had yet to come. “As sure as you are that Liander is yours.”
“Fuck.”
“To put it mildly.”
“But….” He paused, as if to gather scattered thoughts. “How can your soul mate be someone you don't actually like?” He glanced at me. “Or do you? Like him, that is?”
“He's the last man on this earth I would ever want to be linked with.” Although I guess he was better than someone like Gautier, the rogue guardian who'd hated me as much as I'd hated him. At least he was dead and out of the picture. Hell, the way fate loved playing with my life, I'm surprised she didn't pick him as the one.
“Then how the hell can he be your soul mate?”
“It's not like anyone has ever tried to sit down and examine the rule of soul mates. It just is.”
“But I've never heard of anyone actively disliking her soul mate. Surely there has to be some sort of connection between you both that attracts?” 
Another bitter, edgy laugh escaped. “Oh, there's plenty of attraction.”
So much so that I very much doubted that Kye would actually stay away for long. He couldn't, not if he was feeling what I was feeling—a cold emptiness that seemed to clutch at the heart and make it ache. Make me ache.
“I didn't mean physical attraction—that's obvious. I meant you've got to have a lot more in common than just physical attraction.”
I took a drink of coffee and looked up at him. “And where in the rule book does it say that?”
He frowned. “Well, it only makes sense, doesn't it? Why else would the bond be a lifetime one? There has to be at least some common ground between the two parties involved.”
“There's lots of cultures around the world that still believe in arranged marriages, Rhoan. In such situations, the families pick the mates, and often it's without input from either person.” I paused for more coffee. “And a lot of the time, it's done purely for social or economic gains for the family.”
“That's different.”
“No, it's not, because either way the participants have no choice, whether the decision is being made by the parents, or by the moon and fate.”
“Damn it, it's wrong. He's a killer—a cold-blooded killer. He can't be your soul mate!”
I smiled, and again it was bitter. “We're both killers, Rhoan.”
“But we kill for the right reasons. We don't hire ourselves out to the highest bidder.”
No, but we still killed, and innocent people sometimes did get hurt because of our actions, and maybe that was our meeting place. The one thing Kye and I had in common.
I rubbed my eyes again. “None of this really matters, Rhoan. It is what it is, and now we have to deal with it.”
“How did Kye deal with it?”
“About as well as me. He doesn't want it any more than I do.”
“So where is he?”
“I have no idea.” And despite the coldness deep within, I didn't really care. I didn't want to care. Not about him, not ever. “He's probably off somewhere shooting someone in frustration, for all I know.”
“If he did, we could hunt him down and—”
“And what?” I interrupted. “Kill him? You know the lore, Rhoan. Kill him, and you kill me.”
He gave me a glance. “Ben didn't die when his soul mate died.”
“But he wanted to. It was only his sister who kept him alive.”
“And you think I wouldn't do the same for you?”
I placed a hand on his knee and squeezed lightly. “I know you would. But I don't ever want to face that decision or that situation. It's better if he's alive and out there somewhere.”
Just not in my face. Or in my life.
But would fate let things go on like that? I had a bad feeling the answer would be no.
He blew out a breath and took another sip of his coffee. “So what do we do?”
“Right now?”
“Right now, and later on.”
“Well, the first thing I need to do is go talk to Quinn.”
“Oh, fuck.”
“Yeah,” I said, keeping my voice even though everything inside seemed to hurt. Or everything that wasn't half frozen, at least.
“What the hell are you going to say to him?”
I snorted softly. “Why do you think I've been sitting out here for the last two hours?”
“You've got to tell him. You owe him that.”
“But he doesn't deserve this.” Neither of us deserved it. Not when everything was finally starting to fall into place between us.He hugged me harder and for several minutes, we didn't say anything. Just sat there contemplating the evilness of the universe. Or at least, that's what I was contemplating.