"I'm fine," she replied.
He nodded. He did like Karma. She wasn't the type to carry on and whine to everyone in her vicinity. He knew she was going through some shit of her own but she'd suffer in silence.
"Live long enough and bad shit tends to happen. More often than usual with you, but it's unavoidable." He smiled, thinking of how she did tend to be a lightning rod for the crap. "Take enough steps and sooner or later one of them is going to be in dog shit."
"I guess I'm lucky like that," she said, her sarcastic nature leaking out as she looked down the beach at a few stragglers but not much else. "Quiet tonight."
"Enjoy it. We might not get too many more of these." He crossed his ankles where they rested on the railing, the heavy boots making a thudding noise in the quiet of the night as he repositioned them.
She buffed her nails on the pajama shorts she was wearing and he thought the talk was finally over. Maybe she'd go inside and he could finally get the quiet he'd been searching for.
"I wasn't going to ask, but since the world's going to shit and I'm at a lack for more appropriate small talk-"
"Figured he'd tell you about her," Lars interrupted, thinking he should've known better than to imagine she'd leave him in peace. These guys were worse than high schoolers with their goddamn gossip.
"Yes."
If she was going to insist on talking, he might as well make some use of it. "You can't kill her and add her to your bucket list."
"I can't believe you're sleeping with one of Malokin's people. If you haven't noticed, we're at war with him. What are you thinking?"
"She's not with him," Lars's voice was firm and more than a little defensive. No one actually knew he'd slept with Faith but they knew him. It wasn't a stretch. His hand ran through his black hair as he sighed. It took a full minute before he spoke again, less decisive this time. "At least I don't think she is. Talking about fucked up relationships, how's yours?" If she wanted to delve into his crap situation, let's see how she liked it.
"I don't have a relationship."
"Sure you don't. You two walk around saying nothing about anything and pretend it's completely normal. Worry about your own issues."
He resettled the rifle in his lap as she stared at the chips in her nail polish in the heavy silence.
"We're both screwed up. But your situation is still worse," she said.
He turned his head toward her and raised his eyebrows. She had to be kidding. "Care to debate that?"
She broke eye contact to stare down at her nails again. "I won't talk about yours, if you don't talk about mine."
"Done. That was significantly easier than I had imagined." In his head, he'd thought he might have to actually get up and leave before he got her to shut up about the situation.
Then he remembered the tattoo he'd given her. Fate had asked him to check on it. Apparently it was causing her some pain. He waved a finger toward Karma's hip. "On to other subjects, I'm supposed to take a peek at that."
"Sure." She kicked her feet up on the railing beside his, clearly not in any rush.
"I'm not going to see anything wrong with the tattoo, am I?" he asked as neither of them made an effort toward show and tell. He knew whatever was going wrong with it had nothing to do with what he'd done. It was what had come after.
"Nope."
"Care to share what the issue is?"
"Nope."
"Understood."
She stood and stretched out her arms with a yawn. "It's been nice chatting with you, Lars. Sort of, anyway."
"Back at ya, babe," he said, using the top of the gun to salute her.
And just when he thought he was going to finally get his peace, Cutty called and told him about the events at dinner.
Chapter 28
Faith was asleep on the couch, not the bed, when he got home. That was the first sign that Cinderella had left the building. He'd crashed on his bed for the first time in a while, for all the good it did him.
When he woke in the morning, he thought about going right down to the shop. He wasn't sure how that idea had morphed into cooking her eggs.
He heard her rise and looked over just as she disappeared into the bathroom without saying anything. By the time she finally came back out, the eggs he'd plated for her had gone cold.
"Want me to heat those up for you?" he asked.
"No, they're fine. You've done plenty." Her back was stiffer than her tone as she sat opposite him at the table.
He watched as she toyed with her food and he wondered if he should go stay at Cutty's. This was getting uncomfortable and reminded him of the exact reason he didn't have relationships. Why torture himself like this? He couldn't sleep with her and he couldn't bring another girl home with her here.
Who was he kidding? He didn't want another girl. He wanted Faith, but he pushed that thought aside. He wasn't going there again, and this wasn't tolerable. He longed for the fake pleasantries of yesterday.
"We need to talk," he finally said, when it was clear she wasn't going to be the one starting any kind of chitchat between them.
"What?" She didn't sound overjoyed, but at least she wasn't outright shutting him down. Her hand went to Arthur's ring, hanging on the string around her neck, a telltale sign she was unsettled, as if seeking out her last connection to him for support.
"I … " He faltered in the new territory.
"I what?" she asked after the words didn't come out.
Apologizing didn't come easily to his nature but for peace, he'd do it. It had nothing to do with her being unhappy. This was for peace, and that was it. He had to do it. Cutty's wasn't safe. She had to stay here and it was his place. It was ridiculous for him to leave it.
"I'm … " Okay, he wasn't going to be able to get that word out. Sorry might have been a bit ambitious for his first time around. She'd have to settle for something close. "Cutty told me about last night. I didn't mean to make you feel … uncomfortable. I just want you to understand those things took place before … " This watching what you said shit was tough work. He wondered why most people bothered with it.
The edge she'd had in her eyes went from contempt but curious to something a bit less discernable as he waited to see if she'd have any response. She got up and walked over to the sink but didn't respond. He didn't care what happened. He wasn't saying sorry. That's where he drew the line.
Her back was to him as she rinsed off her plate. Then she finally spoke. "So, you wouldn't have done something like that … say, yesterday?"
"Why does that matter? It didn't happen yesterday."
"I understand your situation. There's no need to discuss it further."
He sighed and relaxed in his chair. Maybe you could reason with a chick. Maybe things could be normal between them again now.
She finished up in the kitchen and then grabbed her purse. "I'm going downstairs," she said abruptly, and left, leaving him to stare at where she'd just been. There seemed to have been something hostile in that exit.
He dug out his phone and dialed Cutty.
"Dude, what's up?" Cutty said as he answered the phone. "You have a talk with her?"
"Yeah. I thought we were good but then … maybe not."
Cutty made a hmmm noise before asking, "Did she say you were good?"
"No, but she said we didn't need to discuss it. I thought that meant things were okay."
Cutty made a low groan. "How can you have slept with so many girls and not know how fucked you are? Girls want to discuss everything. That's a bad-very bad-sign."
"I screw them, not talk to them. Now what do I do?"
"I don't know. Maybe just ride it out for a while? See if she gets unpissed? I've heard that can spontaneously happen."
"But what if she won't talk to me?"
"So? You don't like to talk anyway."
"Yeah, but … I don't know."
"Oh no, do not do that."
"Do what?"
"Fuck her again."
"Who says I fucked her at all?"
"Lars?" Cutty didn't just say his name in that one word, he reminded him of just how well he knew his history.
"Whatever. So I fucked her."
"If you aren't going to treat her right, don't do it again."
"I gotta go. Thanks for all the brilliant advice."
"Don't be a dumb ass."
"Fuck off." Lars hung up on him and went downstairs.
He walked into the shop like nothing was amiss. He tattooed the whole morning, trying to pretend she wasn't there.