“Not you,” Rachel said, studying her sister. Little Courtney was all grown-up. When had that happened? “Does Mom know?”
Courtney shrugged. “I don’t know. I’ve been at all the meetings. I’m her point of contact.”
“So, no.”
“She’ll be upset. She won’t trust me to handle things. She’ll worry.”
All of which was true.
“I’ll tell her after the wedding,” Courtney said. “When everything turns out fine.”
“And if it doesn’t, you can blame Joyce.”
They laughed.
Their breakfasts came. Rachel took a couple of bites, but she wasn’t that hungry. An aftereffect of the previous night? She could still hear those women in her head, talking about how she’d been a fool to let Greg go.
“Do you think I was wrong to divorce Greg for cheating on me?”
Her sister blinked. “I don’t know. You were so angry and hurt. He was a jackass for what he did.”
“But you don’t hate him.”
“He’s Josh’s dad and kind of in our lives. Hating him would make things difficult for everyone. I was mad at him for a long time, for what he did to you.” She cut a piece of her Belgian waffle. “To be honest, I never understood what went wrong. You two were so crazy about each other. I couldn’t figure out why he would do that. You were everything to him.”
Rachel thought about how much they’d been fighting all the time. With his twenty-four hours on, twenty-four hours off schedule, he’d had way too much free time. Rather than put it to good use, he’d wanted to go hang out with his friends. She would have been okay with that if he hadn’t left her with everything around the house and with Josh.
But while she wanted to say it was all his fault, she kept remembering what he’d said after the baseball game. That she wanted to be the only one looking after things. That she needed to be right. That she would rather be a martyr than ask for help.
“We married young,” she said slowly. “I’m not saying it was a mistake so much as it was an added pressure. We were hoping to wait to have kids, but then Josh came along. We had to grow up fast and Greg wasn’t ready. He wanted to be a young guy in his twenties—not a married man with a baby.”
“Sounds like you’ve forgiven him.”
“Forgive is a little strong. I don’t still hate him. You’re right—he’s not going anywhere. We have a son together. I have to keep seeing him.”
“Are you sorry about the divorce?”
Was she? Did she want things back the way they’d been before? “I don’t miss what we were like right before the end. That was ugly. We were both so angry at each other. But when it was better, I miss that.”
“Do you think about getting back together with him?”
A ridiculous idea! “That’s not an option.”
“Why? Greg’s single. You’re single.”
“We barely speak, and when we are together, it’s all about Josh.”
“Does it have to be?”
Rachel didn’t have an answer for that. Greg’s emotional dump the other day hadn’t been about Josh, and she could go the whole rest of her life without having that conversation again. She and Greg were done. Finished.
“I’ve totally moved on.”
Courtney smiled. “Um, not really. You haven’t been on a single date that I know about.”
“I’m not looking to have a man in my life.”
“Why not? You must miss the sex.”
Rachel stared at her. “We’re not talking about that.”
Her sister laughed. “I don’t want to upset you, but I’m twenty-seven. I know about the sex. I’ve even done it a few times.”
“As have I, but we’re still not talking about me having sex with other men.”
“Or Greg?”
“Him, either.”
“Okay.” Courtney took a bite of her waffle and chewed. “But I’ll bet he was pretty good in bed. Am I right?”
“Yes, and that’s all I’m going to say on the topic.”
Mostly because talking about it would mean she had to remember. Whatever other things she and Greg had had going on, they’d always found plenty of time for lovemaking. Whether it was a five-minute quickie before Josh got home from school, or two hours on a Saturday night. They’d known how to arouse each other, please each other. Sex had never been their problem...until he’d done it with someone else.
“What about you?” she asked to distract herself. “Anyone interesting in your life?”
If Rachel hadn’t been watching her sister, she wouldn’t have noticed the slight hesitation. She was intrigued by the possibility of news and relieved to deflect the attention away from herself.