“You have.”
“I want to say it again. Thank you. I’m excited about everything. You’ve made my day special.”
“Don’t say that,” Courtney warned her. “No talking about how great it’s going to be. I don’t want to tempt fate. So far all our crises have been small and I want to keep it that way.”
“Have you talked to Rachel?”
“She’s feeling much better. The chiropractor did his magical thing, she’s taking her pills and she’s on the mend. She swears she’ll be fine by Saturday.”
Courtney had been through her checklist about fifteen times in the past two days. Flowers would be arriving in the morning. The food was ordered, the servers scheduled. The weather was supposed to be perfect. The tents would be put up the day after tomorrow, everyone had their dresses or tuxes and Gracie had sent pictures of the cake as it was being constructed.
“I’m hopeful,” she said, crossing her fingers as she spoke, “that everything will go smoothly.”
“I know it will.” Her mother squeezed her hand. “I’m so glad you’re the one making this happen. I’m so proud of you and your new job.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
“So much responsibility.” Her expression fell a little. “And to think I could have lost you.”
“Mom, stop. You didn’t lose me.”
“But I could have. You were so angry at me for so long.”
Courtney really didn’t want to talk about their past. “I was young and confused about a lot of things.”
“You rejected me.” Her mother sighed. “Perhaps a case could be made that I rejected you first.”
That got Courtney’s attention. “Why would you say that?”
“You were right—I didn’t know what was going on in your life. By the time you were eight or nine, I was finally successful. I was terrified of losing it all again. What happened after your father’s death changed me. I knew I never wanted to be dependent on anyone else again. I wanted to make my own way, no matter what.”
She looked at her daughter. “I forgot about what was important. My girls should have been my priority. Somewhere along the way, that message became something else.”
“I’m right here,” Courtney promised.
“Thank you for that. I hope you know I’m here for you, too.”
“I do.”
“Then why haven’t you told me about your breakup with Quinn?”
Courtney had no idea which of her sisters had tattled, but she shouldn’t be surprised. “It’s not that big a deal.”
“Isn’t it? You cared about him very much.”
Not something she wanted to talk about. Courtney missed Quinn more than she would have thought possible. She hadn’t realized how much he’d become a part of her life. He was the first person she thought of when she woke up and the last one before she went to sleep. She spent her days avoiding him and hoping to run into him at the same time. So far she’d seen him only from a distance.
“I almost didn’t go out with Neil,” her mother said. “But I said yes because... Actually, I’m not sure why I said yes. It was one of those things. By the end of the first date, I knew he was special. And then I got scared.”
“What do you mean?”
“I didn’t want to fall in love again. I didn’t want to get my heart broken. Losing your father was hard enough, but having him not have taken care of us was equally devastating. I never wanted to be that scared again, and I knew that if I let Neil in, I was at risk.”
“Neil will always take care of you.”
“I know that now, but I didn’t at the time. I had to believe.” The smile returned. “You know what’s funny? I didn’t have to believe in him. I had to believe in myself. I had to know I would be strong enough to survive whatever happened. Because loving someone means giving your whole heart, and once you do that, you have no defenses. You’re at their mercy.” Her mother took her hand again. “I think that’s what you’re worried about. Being at Quinn’s mercy.”
“He wouldn’t hurt me.”
“What if he left you? What if he died? What if you loved him more? What if he changed his mind?”
All questions Courtney had been asking herself.
“Love hurts,” she whispered.
Her mother hugged her. “I was afraid that was the lesson you’d learned. It’s the wrong one, darling. Love doesn’t hurt. Not when it’s right.”
“You loved Daddy and you were hurt.”
“I was. But that was because I lost him. It wasn’t the loving that was painful, it was the losing.”