“I get the mean girl thing. They’ll want me to know why I don’t belong or tell me you really don’t care. It won’t be about me.” She thought about what it had been like when she’d been the oldest and tallest girl in her class. “I’ve been through a lot worse. I’ll be fine.”
“I never doubted that for a second.”
26
WEDNESDAY NIGHT SIENNA met David at his house. She’d asked him to see her after work, although she hadn’t said what she wanted to talk about. She felt as if she was going to throw up, but she knew she was doing the right thing.
She sat across from him in his living room. The suitcase was mercifully gone, but memories of that day lingered. His family had indeed created a Facebook page for their wedding. She’d received friend requests from cousins twice removed. As she looked at her fiancé, she acknowledged that while she couldn’t put her finger on what exactly was wrong, he wasn’t the one for her.
She swallowed hard, sucked in a breath for courage, then carefully removed her engagement ring from her finger.
“David, I’m sorry, but I can’t marry you. I think you’re wonderful and you deserve every happiness. I wish it could be with me, but it can’t.” She hesitated. “I’m afraid I’m not in love with you.”
She forced herself to stop talking. While her natural instinct was to keep going, she knew she had to give him a second to process what she’d told him. He was going to be angry. She had to be prepared for that. No one wanted to be rejected this way.
Regardless, she knew she was making the right decision. Whatever she felt for David, it wasn’t love. It couldn’t be. Yes, she was afraid of what everyone would say, but so what? This was her life and she had to get it right.
He looked at her for a long time, then stood and crossed to her before pulling her to her feet. His expression was understanding, even kind. He didn’t seem angry at all.
“Oh, Sienna, I’ve been expecting this for a while.”
“What?”
He drew her against him and wrapped his arms around her. “You’ve been through a lot. I’m sorry for all the questions and worry. Poor you.”
She didn’t understand. This was not the traditional I just broke up with you reaction.
She drew back. “I’m breaking off our engagement. Did you get that?”
He cupped her face in his hands. “No, you’re not.”
“I am. I just did.”
He smiled tenderly. “You’re scared that you don’t love me. You’re concerned that you’re making the wrong choice. You don’t know what you’re supposed to be feeling, but panic shouldn’t be part of it.”
“I, ah, maybe.” How could he have figured all that out? She barely knew what was going on. How could he be more in tune with her than she was with herself?
“It’s your dad,” he said quietly. “You were so young when he died, and you and your family went through a difficult time. That scarred you. Not just you—all your sisters. You’re each reacting differently, but you’re all dealing with the ramifications. I know that’s why you broke off the other engagements. You got scared and you’re scared now. I believe the traditional term is cold feet.” He smiled. “You have cold feet, nothing more.”
“I do?”
“Yes.” He stared into her eyes. “Sienna, you’re the best thing to ever happen to me. Every day I’m so grateful I didn’t settle. I waited, knowing the right person was out there, and then I met you. I knew from the start you were the one.” He dropped his hands to her shoulders. “It’s okay to be scared. It’s okay to have questions. But as you go through this, please know I love you and I’ll always be here for you.”
She’d imagined the conversation going any number of ways, but she’d never pictured anything like this.
“I am frightened,” she admitted. “About us getting married, about moving to St. Louis.”
“I think those are just symptoms. I think what you’re really frightened of is losing again. Of losing everything like you did before.”
She hadn’t thought about it that way, but it sounded kind of right. Of course her father’s death would have affected them all.
David led her to the sofa and sat down next to her. He angled toward her and stroked her hand. “Sienna Watson, you are the woman I love. Give us a chance. Please. Just consider the possibility that your uncertainty has nothing to do with how you feel about me. That hanging on will be worth it. That when all this is behind us and we’re married, you’ll see that we belong together. Let me spend the rest of my life making you happy.”