Dating-ish (Knitting in the City #6)(46)

       
        

I forcefully shook myself from my musings. I didn't want to register second place to a person's career. Matt's heart belonged to his work and, even if he did want to date me-which he didn't-I would never ask him to put me first.

Because I shouldn't have to. I wanted to be with someone who wanted to put us first.

This thought put me back on solid footing.

The side of his mouth hitched. "I hypothesize she's still angry with me about the deception study, about you."

My mouth fell open and I scrunched my face at Sandra. "You don't need to be mad at Matt, Sandra. I'm completely over that."

"Maybe you shouldn't be." The set of her jaw was stubborn. "Maybe you forgive and forget too easily."

"Listen to Sandra." Alex turned from us and walked to the kitchen. "Holding grudges has done wonders for me over the years. Matt, do you want anything? Ladies, anything? Beer?"

"Beer sounds great. Thanks." Matt trailed after Alex toward the kitchen, but stayed on the living room side at the bar.

"No beer for us. We have wine," Sandra called to her husband.

"The study was approved by an ethics committee. It's not like it was personal. He didn't single me out for his research. I was just one of many that fit a similar profile." I'd lowered my voice so only she could hear.

"That's exactly my point." My friend thrust her needle into the air.

"What is your point? What exactly did he do that was so wrong?"

"I said you were just like everyone else," Matt supplied, accepting the beer Alex handed to him over the bar. "She chewed me out about it the last time I was here."

"Sandra," I whispered harshly, feeling embarrassed. Especially since his comment about me being just like everyone else all those weeks ago still smarted.

But I didn't want anyone else to actually know that.

"Don't you Sandra me. Nobody calls Marie typical. Nobody. My God, look at you! You're like the sexiest woman on the planet. You're Marilyn Monroe and Grace Kelly and that delightful Kristen Bell from Frozen, except with better hair. And you're also unfairly smart. And an excellent human. And an exceptional cook."

I couldn't maintain my glower. She was my friend, so of course she was over-exaggerating the existence and the extent of my positive attributes, but she also made me feel awesome.

"Again, I agree with Sandra on this." Alex strolled out of the kitchen and lifted his beer bottle toward me. "That's like calling Minsky's Stochastic Neural Analogy typical."

"Nice reinforcement learning reference." Matt held out his beer to Alex. 

"Thanks." Alex clinked his beer with Matt's.

They both drank.

Meanwhile, I was blushing because I was stewing in mortification.

Why does this bother me so much?



I left a short time later, wanting to get to the hospital around dinnertime just in case Quinn and Janie were in the mood for something not offered by the cafeteria. Saying my goodbyes to Sandra and Alex went as typical: hugs and cheek kisses with promises to see each other during the week.

When it came time to say goodbye to Matt, he offered me a handshake and a smile that definitely wasn't reflected in his eyes. I kept replaying the handshake in my head all the way down to the lobby, because the detached quality to his gaze irked me.

Maybe he was still irritated or sore about the friend-zoning conversation.

Or maybe he wasn't.

Maybe he just didn't like me much.

I honestly didn't know. He was so difficult to read.

As I exited the building, I decided to push thoughts of the professor from my mind. Not everyone was going to want to be friends with me, and that was fine. I'd made an effort and had been shot down.

Moving on.

My phone was in the bottom of my purse, so I paused just outside of the doors to send off a text to Quinn, asking if I could pick anything up on my way. I was just tucking it back into its place when Matt came running out of the building.

I watched as he jogged past, stopped, then turned and craned his neck from side to side as though searching for something. He'd turned completely around when he spotted me, taking a surprised step back.

"Oh. Hey." He shoved his hands in his pockets. "There you are."

"Hey." I pulled my purse strap more completely on my shoulder and met him halfway. "What's wrong? Did I forget something?"

"No." He hesitated, licking his lips and biting on the bottom one before continuing. "I'm on my way out. We might as well walk together."

"Okay. Sounds good." I examined him. His expression still struck me as cautiously dispassionate, I thought, as I picked the path that would take me to the El station. "Are you headed this way?"