I considered myself a confident individual. Yes, of course, I knew I had room for improvement. I didn't think I was in any way perfect, but I'd reached a point in my life where I was happy with myself as a whole. I didn't want a life partner to complete my life, but as a complement to my life.
Yet something about being told, statistically, I was basically the same as every other woman with similar demographics made me feel immeasurably insignificant. And wretched.
"You're not a good guy," Janie said, breaking the silence with her flat declaration. "You should know that so you can try to change yourself for the better."
Derek-er, Matt-glanced at her, inspecting her openly in a way that reminded me of a scientist inspecting a curious-looking insect. He didn't appear to be at all offended by her comment, or surprised by it. The irony here, which wasn't at all lost on me, was that the way he looked at Janie was how she used to look at people when they said something surprising.
Now pregnant, she just looked at everyone with varying degrees of intense irritation.
I gathered a deep breath, ignoring a sudden urge to curl up on Fiona's comfy sofa and request Sandra spoon me. She would if I asked. Sandra loved to cuddle and I hadn't cuddled with another person since my ex.
I miss cuddling. Maybe I do need a professional cuddler.
Greg cleared his throat, drawing my attention to him. He was looking at me with pointed intensity, a silent question behind his concerned gaze. Are you okay?
Quickly, I grabbed ahold of my emotions and yanked them back, pasting a smile on my lips; it was another of those situations where I didn't know how widely to smile. "Well. I guess that explains that." I tried shrugging, imbuing my voice with false bravado. "No harm no foul."
Fiona's tone was infinitely gentle as she said, "Marie-"
"We should all get back to our evening," I said firmly, not wanting to talk about it, not until I had time to myself and definitely not in front of imposter-Derek. I needed to sort through my own messy feelings. "We should let Greg and, uh, Matt go on their run."
"Right," Greg said reluctantly, his eyes moving past me to his wife, adding a few seconds later, "let's go."
The tall Brit's frown was severe. He didn't look at Matt as he turned, merely gesturing for the shorter man to follow while he disappeared down the hall. Matt moved his dispassionate stare from Janie, and his eyes collided with mine once more. I lifted my chin, glaring at him. He gave me a tight smile and then left, following Greg.
"Don't listen to him, Marie." Ashley raised her voice after the front door closed, forcing my attention to the laptop screen. Her face filled the entire space. "That guy is what we call a douche canoe."
"You should move." Janie turned her grumpy expression on Fiona as Alex removed his hands-no longer needing to restrain her-and stuffed them in his pockets. He traded a sideways glance with his wife. "Otherwise," Janie continued, "I might be forced to punch that guy in the throat."
Fiona inspected me for a short moment, and then gave Janie a weary smile as Sandra and Elizabeth reclaimed their seats. "Actually, we are moving. We've been putting it off for months, but with the baby, we'll do it within the next year. This place is too small for five people."
"Move to our building," Elizabeth suggested, sneaking me a surreptitious glance while she addressed Fiona. "You know Quinn would love having you close by so he can pick your ninja brain more often."
Quinn, Janie's husband, ran a wildly successful global security firm and owned several floors in a building overlooking Grant Park. The apartments were reserved for employees of his firm, but Elizabeth and Nico lived in one of the penthouses, as did Janie and Quinn. As Alex worked for Quinn's corporate subsidiary, Cipher Systems, he and Sandra also lived in the building. Fiona had also recently accepted a contract position with Cipher Systems.
"Then Greg can go jogging with Quinn instead of that douche canoe," Janie mumbled, her lip curled into a subtle snarl as she rubbed her lower back.
If I hadn't been so off-kilter and preoccupied by recent events, I might've laughed. Truly, Janie had become a different person over the last few months.
As though reading my mind, Elizabeth piped in, "Jeez Louise, Janie. It's like, carrying Quinn's baby has turned you into a replica of his grumpy ass. Pretty soon you'll be giving us all the ice stare and quoting Dirty Harry movies."
"Quinn doesn't quote Dirty Harry movies." Janie wrinkled her nose at Elizabeth.