"Matt, you said you didn't want anything long-term with anyone."
"We're now stuck in a recursive loop. I am the chicken, you are the egg." He scooped up the mushrooms and added them to the big stockpot, stirring a few times with a wooden spoon, then replacing the lid, letting the contents simmer.
I huffed, feeling enormously frustrated by my inadvertent-though well-meaning-self-sabotage. "Do you mean to tell me, you've been open to a relationship with me all this time?"
He hesitated, coming around the counter and standing next to me, stealing a sip of my wine. "Define relationship."
"Falling in love. Being together. Long-term."
"No." He shook his head once. "You are correct. I wasn't open to that. Not when we met."
"Oh. Really." I crossed my arms, lifting my chin. "So what did you have in mind when we first met?"
"So many things." He wagged his eyebrows, grinning wickedly around another sip of wine, then added more seriously, "To be honest, I thought you were a long shot. I wasn't open to a relationship with anyone and I couldn't imagine a scenario-even before you friend-zoned me-where you would want something like that with me."
"Why? What made you think I was a long shot?"
His head reared back. "Have you met yourself? You're . . . intimidating."
"What? No I'm not."
"You are. Your confidence is intimidating, because it's entirely valid. And your goodness. And," his gaze blazed over my body, "the rest of you."
That had me smiling, so I forgave him for stealing my wine. "When did you change your mind?"
He didn't respond right away. Instead, he finished my glass while he shifted his eyes up and to the left. Abruptly, his gaze cut back to mine and I got the sense he was bracing himself for my reaction.
"I changed my mind when I came home and found you and Jack in the hallway. Last month."
I stiffened, my heart giving a twinge of protest at the memory, and I dropped my eyes.
Crap.
"Marie."
I really didn't want to talk about this. I didn't want to be reminded of him with another woman, not when my feelings for him had been so strong, even then. It felt like he'd cheated on me, on us. Rationally, I knew he hadn't, but once again, believing and knowing were two different things.
"I don't want to talk about this." I shook my head.
"Too bad." His hands came to my shoulders, pulling me up from my stool. "Look at me."
I didn't look at him. "I was so mad. And hurt." My heart gave another painful lurch.
"I love you."
"Sorry." I shook my head, more resolutely. "I don't think I can talk about this."
"We have to."
"Why?" I glared at him. "Why do I have to talk about the night I found out you'd been sleeping with other women?"
"Because I don't need therapy to know not discussing things that bother you is a terrible idea." The set of his jaw struck me as remarkably stubborn.
Damn his pushing! Why can't he just let me be the dehydrated horse this time?
"We can discuss it later." I shrugged out of his hold and walked the pithy distance to my living room.
"Or we can discuss it now, and have make-up sex after."
That earned him another glare.
He glared back, not looking contrite.
"Fine. I'm angry that you slept with someone else when we were spending so much time together."
Aaaand I was yelling. But once I started, I couldn't stop.
"I rented a car and drove to my parents' house three hours away," I pointed in the general direction of where they lived, "and cried on my mother's shoulder for fifteen minutes. Do you know how much that pissed me off? I haven't cried to my mother about anything since I was in elementary school and Rhena Davis said I smelled like a dumpster."
Matt twisted his lips to the side. "That bitch. Rhena Davis is the one that smells like a dumpster."
"I'm serious," I raged. I was then unable to keep the hurt out of my voice as I added, "You slept with someone else and it hurt. A lot. Exorbitant hurt. Don't make a joke out of this."
"I didn't."
"That wasn't a joke?"
"No, I mean-" he crossed to me and lifted his hands to touch me but I flinched away, causing him to release a frustrated sigh and pull his fingers through his hair, "I mean, I didn't have sex with her. We kissed, but that's it. I haven't been with anyone since the crazy lady two years ago. There's been no one until you."