Darkmoon(6)
Her dark eyes held understanding, but no sympathy. “Do you think you’re the only person to have ever loved and lost?”
Despite her even tone, I caught the edge to her words. Certainly I’d never envisioned Margot being in love, but then again, I didn’t know that much about her, as she had always been a very private person. Yes, she was a clan elder, even though I knew she was about ten years younger than my Aunt Rachel. She liked to garden. Her mother was still alive, although she’d moved down the hill to a fifty-five-plus community in Clarkdale. And that was about the extent of my knowledge regarding Margot Emory.
“Of course I don’t think that,” I retorted. “But I’m pretty sure I’m the only prima to have ever split from her consort. Or is there something you haven’t told me?”
She shook her head. “No, I’m afraid your situation seems to be unique.”
Great. I was unique.
“And, despite what you might think,” she continued, “we got by while you were gone, but we certainly weren’t okay. The prima should have been here for Imbolc and Ostara, to lead the observances. We muddled through, but it’s more than that. The prima is the touchstone for our clan, the guide. Our protection. You understand that now, don’t you?”
I had to nod. Until my powers awakened, I really hadn’t grasped the true strength of a prima. Protection. Defense. I had used that power to defeat Damon Wilcox. Fighting back a sigh, I told her, “Yes, I do. Or at least I think I do. But I’m not sure how much protection you need, now that Damon is dead. Connor certainly isn’t one to follow in his brother’s footsteps.”
“Are you sure about that?”
“Yes,” I said flatly. He might have thrown me out, might have broken my heart in a hundred thousand pieces, but I still trusted Connor to do the right thing when it came to using his magic, even if that magic wasn’t precisely his anymore, but the power of a primus. “Connor is…good. I know you don’t want to believe that of a Wilcox, but it’s true. And so are his cousin Lucas and so many more I could name. I won’t defend Damon’s actions, because they were terrible, but he’s gone. We’re safe.”
Throughout this speech Margot had listened patiently, but I could tell by the slight furrowing of her brow that she didn’t really believe me. Fine. Sooner or later she’d figure it out. Or maybe she wouldn’t. I knew I didn’t have the strength to keep arguing with her about it.
“Perhaps you’re right about that,” she said at length. “Even so, our clan still needs its prima. So are you going to do your duty by your clan or not?”
I knew there was only one reply I could possibly make. That destiny had been mine long before I met Connor Wilcox. My heart might be shattered, but my spirit and soul were still intact.
“Yes, Margot,” I replied calmly. “I am ready to be our prima.”
* * *
I can’t say things went back to normal after that — after all, I’d barely been the prima for two months before Damon Wilcox kidnapped me — but it did feel as if everyone had been holding their collective breaths, waiting to see what I would do. After I realized there wasn’t much I could do except try to settle back in Jerome and put Connor Wilcox from my mind, I didn’t exactly stop hurting. However, I did find enough to occupy my time that those occasions when the pain welled up and threatened to overcome me gradually grew farther and farther apart.
After the first week, people stopped tiptoeing around me. I couldn’t stop Adam from giving me hopeful glances, as if he was thinking that now the Connor episode was safely behind me, he might have a chance again. I knew that would never happen, that I couldn’t even conceive of being with anyone except Connor, but I couldn’t think of a polite way to tell Adam that. Mostly I tried to be friendly and casual, and maybe he got the hint and maybe he didn’t. All I cared about was whether he’d attempt to force the issue, but he knew better than to try that. One thing about Adam; he was patient. I just didn’t know how to tell him that he could wait a hundred years, and it still wouldn’t change the way I felt about Connor.
It would’ve been easier if I could have hated him.
I distracted myself with planning the remodel of the kitchen, and consulted with Terri, the decorator who’d done the rest of the house, as well as an architect she recommended. It was going to be a massive project, since we’d decided to expand the kitchen another five feet into the side yard. I had to assure Margot and the other two elders that the exterior of the house would be restored so you’d never know the difference, and they still didn’t look thrilled by the prospect. All right, Ruby had barely touched the place all the years she’d lived there, according to them, and I suppose they wanted me to follow in her footsteps. Still, it was my house, and my remodel. I’d do it the way I wanted…and hope it would be enough to distract me.