Darkest Before Dawn (A Guardian's Diary Book 1)(6)

I left her with a few orders and headed to my room. Inside, I peered at my tired reflection. My hair was getting long, and the once strawberry-blonde hair had turned darker without the sunrays to keep it light. My eyes were the color of the sky on a clear, brisk day. I was medium height, and medium build. Short when compared to Addy’s five foot eight frame. My breasts hadn’t come in till late, and while I’d been a late bloomer, they were at least decent but still easy to hide when needed.

I peeled off the vest, and worked the pants off until I was able to breathe again. It sucked to hide from the sun. It wasn’t like I wanted to tan; I just wanted to feel it shining on my face, to feel it heat my flesh. I missed being able to walk down the street. I missed simple things, but in the end, those things were huge. I’d always heard people say that most simple things were often the most missed…I hated that it was true.

I grabbed my shorts and slipped them on before grabbing everything I needed for the shower. We’d begun to make our own soaps and other necessities. It was easier than we had thought, but Maggie, one of the few I’d saved, was an amazing survival fanatic, and knew which herbs and natural greenery worked for what. The soap she made was priceless now.

Supplies were limited, and we tried to make what we could. It took a good deal of time to collect what we really needed to survive. I mean, how hard was it to grab a handful of flowers from the meadow, compared to walking through a dark store with no idea what was lying in wait to mess with you?



Shampoo was harder for her to make, and considering my hair went to the middle of my back, and seriously needed conditioner, I did make those hard runs to obtain it. Most of the girls had chopped their hair off, but I had my own reasons for keeping mine long. Eventually, I would have to cut it, but not today.

I showered and changed into clean black cargo pants, and a Misfits tank top. I braided my hair and pinned it into a tight bun. I scanned my reflection in the mirror and grunted. I looked tired, and the black circles beneath my eyes were only getting darker with each passing day.

Dressed and ready for the day, I headed to the media room. Grayson was watching a monitor with Jimmy by his side. No one else was hanging out in there yet so it would hopefully give us a chance to catch up.

“Ems, check this out,” Grayson smiled as he pointed to a map of the United States that had been spread out on the table. Red pins indicated locations we knew there was people still alive in, as well as blue for supplies we’d left for survivors. “More red.”

I looked to the marker and narrowed my eyes. “California?”

“Yes, now can we go away from here?” he begged.

“You want to just pack up and leave? Because it’s so safe out there, Grayson,” I mumbled. For a preteen, he was a good kid. Often times I would risk it and hook him up with some comic books and other items. His entire room was filled with stuff I’d brought back for him.

“I would settle for a trip to town,” he whined.

“No; I told you, not until you are fully trained.”

“You and me trained with Dad for years, and now he’s gone! You don’t have time to train me anyway; you spend all of your time training the girls!”

“That’s because they’re older than you are, Grayson! You’re also my responsibility to care for, and I can’t be out there watching after you when I’m hunting. I train the girls because together, we work well. I need you to be here so I know you’re safe. It’s the only way this works.”

“I hate it here!” he shouted, and I cringed.

“More comic books? What do you want, Grayson?” He seemed to be doing this more and more as of late.

“I want you to look at me like I’m old enough to take care of myself! I was taught by Dad, too. I know what to do, Emma. I’m not stupid. I can learn to fight so that I can help you!”

“You are! But smart people don’t want to go outside; they don’t ask to go outside because it’s not safe!”

“You do!”

“I do it because I have to. Dad taught us how, but he also said you needed more training and to be able to control your temper more before you’d be ready to go out. I’ll see what I can find for you today, and I’m planning on going to Spokane soon, so I’ll make sure to hit up the comic book shop.”

“Promise?” he begrudgingly asked.

“I promise, and, Grayson. Try not to be in such a hurry to go out there. What you see on those monitors is only half of what happens. I love you, brat.”



With Grayson settled down, I headed to the main room. I’d redone a lot of the inside to make it more efficient. I walked to the wall of mask, as we referred to it and pulled down a modified sugar skull mask.

“How many are coming out?” I asked to no one in particular. I didn’t have to, because they knew if they didn’t pitch in, we wouldn’t survive the winter.

“Kaylah, Greta, and Jillian wanted to go. Who else?” Addy asked as she bounced into the room in a whirl of color. She had on yellow leggings, a blue shirt, and red skirt with hot pink Nike shoes. I smiled and wondered at her choice of clothes, but I wasn’t judging. Oh who am I kidding? Holy friggin’ rainbow!

“I’m not going,” Bonnie said as she flattened herself out on the couch.

“Well then what do you plan on doing?” I asked as I folded my arms over my chest.

“I don’t feel up to anything,” she complained.

She complained a lot. “Bonnie, you can either work here, or you can come with us. No one gets to sit around. No one.”

She glared at me, and I had to remind myself that while mentally punching the spoiled brat in the face was allowed, hitting her in front of everyone? Not such a smart plan.

“Who the hell died and left you in charge?” she snapped and I flinched.

“My father,” I whispered with venom dripping from my lips. “You want to try your chances on the outside? Go for it.”

Jillian and Bonnie were Towners as we called the people from our town that had joined our group here in the shelter. They had come here for help and we’d allowed it. We had a few others, but mostly we’d accepted the elderly or the young who had been abandoned or orphaned by the flu.

Bonnie glared at me, but it didn’t faze me one little bit. Little did anymore, and it was getting worse. The only thing I’d felt in the last week was the unexpected response from the mystery man. That, however, was unsettling. I’d never felt my body respond to any male like it had to him, and I’d made a mental note to take a break from reading romance novels for a while.

They were my guilty pleasure, which made me curious, but not enough to jump on the first male I saw. Not that my mystery man wasn’t jumping material, because he was. He was jumpable, but he also thought I was a gangly boy. I shook my head and turned my attention to the problem at hand. “You know the rules. You either help out, or get out, Bonnie. This place works because we all work on it; if I let you lounge around, others will try it, and I can’t allow that.”

Yes, I was taking the high road and being nice. Did it mean I wasn’t mentally punching her in my head? Nope. I was beating the tar out of her. She’d been a spoiled brat all through high school, and had been Jillian’s shadow. I watched as she twirled her dark blonde hair in her fingers and considered what I’d just said. Seriously, she had to consider it?

“I’m not doing laundry, or dishes,” she said as she stood up.

“Then tell me, Bonnie, what are you going to do?”

“No clue, but I refuse to do either of those chores.”

“Maggie!” I shouted and waited for the fortyish woman to pop her head in.

“Yes, Emma?” Maggie asked as her green eyes glowed with happiness; it told me she’d been playing with the children again.

“Bonnie’s clothes are not to be washed. If she wants them washed, she is to do them herself. Also, she’s volunteered to help you in the kitchen tonight, and would love to help you do the dishes. If she protests, she’s to be given more chores.”



Bonnie puffed out a groan but I ignored it and turned my attention to the group who was leaving the shelter with me. “Okay ladies, reminder time! Once we go through those doors there is to be no vocal cord usage. We use the hand signals for communications. We stick together unless I signal otherwise, and if you need a moment, you signal us and we will wait for you. Any request on the logs?” I asked Addy who was in charge of taking requests from those who couldn’t go outside of the shelter.

“Cathleen asked for a pregnancy test. Brent asked for more wires, and black tape. The duct tape is low, and Nana asked for more ointment for her rash.”

“Crap, that sounds like a hospital trip,” I said and scrunched up my nose. I hated going to the hospital. It had yet to be cleared out of the corpses, and was a cesspool of disease. I could find all those items there, and we had antibiotics on the ever growing backlist. Why? Because I’d put off going there in hopes of clearing it. I’d also have to go in alone. There really wasn’t any reason to take a group deep into it and I knew the layout like the back on my hand since I’d done my clinical there.

“I will do the hospital, and you guys can start the burnings,” I said as I watched them all gear up to match my outfit. I slipped on my Kevlar vest, gloves, and then the lighter hoodie I’d grabbed when I was in Spokane last. It made it easier for me to haul tail through tainted areas. I grabbed my pack and emptied it of my last haul, which wasn’t much. I checked to make sure the quiver was full and that the crossbow was clean and working, as well as adding a handgun and a few knives to the holsters I’d created just for them.