Dark Wolf Unbound (Heart of the Shifter #2)(26)

She closed her eyes, focusing on the way his teeth grazed her earlobe.  "They told me if I didn't do it, that they'd hurt my mom or my sister."  She pulled back. "I should have been brave. I should have told my mom  and trusted that she'd run away with me, but she was so caught up in  Grigori's spell that I didn't know if she would support me. So, I said  nothing. There were so many, Jace, so many. I just-"

God, how many times had she stood there, that terrible song coming from  her mouth, while men shifted and destroyed innocents. The screams of  pain from the victims, the agony of the men after it was over and they'd  shifted back, realizing what they'd done. "He wanted to break them,"  she whispered. "Sometimes it turned them into lethal disciples, and  other times..." She looked at Jace. "It destroyed their soul. Like you. I  saw it in your eyes at the trial. You were like the others. You felt  that same anguish that they had, and yet somehow, you were still  functioning, still caring, still fighting to find meaning in it. You may  think you're weak, Jace, but you're the opposite. No one else who felt  your anguish was able to survive the weight on their soul." She rested  her palm on his heart. "Just you," she whispered. "You're special." Her  throat tightened as she said the words, and she knew it was true.  "You're the first one, the only one, who survived my song without losing  who you were."

His eyes darkened, and yearning flashed through them, a deep, raw  craving for her to be right. She knew how deeply he needed to be whole  again, to find a way to believe in himself. She realized she was his  only chance for that, the only one who truly understood what he'd  endured and how strong he was to be lying there with her, fighting for  survival, even though he was willing to die.

He didn't acknowledge his own needs, however. He simply brushed her hair  back from her face, offering her comfort, as if he truly understood  what she'd gone through, the depth of anguish she lived with every day  for what she'd allowed Grigori to force her to do. "What finally made  you leave the pack?" he asked gently.

"When Lucius decided to marry my sister. I knew what he was like, but my  sister fell for his charms the same way my mom had fallen for Grigori.  She hadn't seen what I'd seen. She'd never been there when Lucius and  Grigori had forced me to sing to those innocent men..." She blinked back  tears. "When I found out that my sister was going to marry Lucius, I  tried to tell her the truth. She didn't want to believe me, so she  confronted Lucius."

Jace groaned. "Oh...hell..."

She nodded. "That's when he attacked me. It was my punishment for  interfering. My grandmother found me, and she took me to Kiernan." Tears  burned in her eyes. "My grandmother told my mother what had happened,  and my mom believed her." She looked at him. "She believed her. All this  time, I'd kept the truth from them, thinking I was protecting them,  thinking that they would never believe me, and I'd been wrong. I should  have had faith in them, Jace, but I didn't. My mom told my sister what  Lucius had done, and this time, my sister finally accepted the truth.  Together, they tried to break from the pack, but Grigori found my mom.  He killed her, torturing her to tell him where my sister and I were, but  she never told."

She looked at him. "I spent all that time letting Grigori control me  because I didn't believe in my mom. If I'd told her, she would have left  right away, and they'd both still be alive. I was afraid, and after  Lucius, I was still afraid. She died for me, and yet, all along, I  didn't think she'd even believe me. I was so wrong...and my lack of  belief in her, in both of them, resulted in them both dying."                       
       
           



       

"It's not your fault." He took her hand and pressed a kiss to her palm,  his eyes flashing. "You're like me, a natural protector. Your number one  goal was to ensure the safety of those you loved. You'd been raised in  the pack since birth, trained to believe in their omnipotence. The fact  that you were able to see what they'd done and stand up to them in the  end is a testament to your incredible strength."

"Me?" She laughed softly, a laugh of bitterness. "I was stupid-"

"No." He caught her jaw, forcing her to look at him. His face was angry,  and his eyes were glittering. "You're fucking amazing. Never, ever  blame yourself for singing that song. Ever. They were holding the ones  you loved most hostage, and you were a girl, in the hands of brutal  killers. You survived it, and you never lost your ability to love. Your  sister and your mother were perfectly capable of seeing what was going  on. They chose not to, until you were almost killed. But you didn't hide  from what was happening. You saw it all along. Do you understand how  much courage it took to see the truth, when everyone around you didn't  want to?"

Tears filled her eyes as she searched his face, her heart turning over  at his words. "You make me sound...brave," she whispered. She couldn't  stop a tear from trickling down her cheek. The only emotions she'd ever  felt for herself were hate, disgust, horror, and guilt. But with the way  Jace was looking at her, suddenly, she felt different, like maybe, just  maybe, there was something inside her that was as beautiful as what she  saw in him. "And then came you..."

She laid her hand on his bare chest. "You see me in a way that I've  always wished I was, but never thought I could be. You make me...feel  like I can breathe, like I deserve to breathe. In your arms, I feel  safe, and I've never felt safe in my entire life. You are this great  treasure, this great source of strength and yet..." Her fingers dug into  his chest. "At any moment, I could trigger you and force you to kill  me. The ugliness is so close to the surface."

"For both of us." He slid his hands through her hair. "I am your  greatest threat, and you are mine, and yet... I feel like you're my only  chance to survive."

She searched his face. "That's how I feel too."

He framed her face with his hands. "Listen to me, Abby. No matter what  happens going forward, you can't blame yourself. Not for the choices you  already made, or what might happen in the future. You have an amazing  heart, and a beautiful soul, both of which somehow survived a childhood  of corruption and depravity. Don't ever lose that, okay? No matter  what." He put his hand over her heart. "If you hold onto that, then  Lucius and Grigori lose, regardless of whatever else happens." Heat  poured from his hand to her heart, melting the shields that had been  around it for so long. "I would be dead right now, by my own hand, if  you hadn't walked up to me and asked for my help, refusing to let me  die. I need you, and I owe you. I want to destroy the demons that haunt  you, and I want to help you retrieve Seth." His eyes darkened. "I want  to be that man for you, Abby. I need to do that."

Her throat tightened, and she nodded. "Okay," she whispered. She didn't  even know how to ask for help, or to accept it, but somehow, Jace made  it easier. Maybe it was because she understood the demons that haunted  him, and she knew that he needed her as much as she needed him. "What do  we do now? Seth is out there somewhere, and in two days, Grigori and  Lucius are going to force him to kill using my voice. I can't let that  happen." She rolled onto her back and pressed her palms to her eyes,  trying to regroup. As much as she wanted this moment to just be about  her and Jace finding a place to leave their guilt and torment behind, it  was more than that. "We have to stop it, Jace."

"I understand. I'm with you." His voice was taut, almost feral in his  fury. "Tell me why your song didn't turn Damien in the alley."

She rolled onto her side to face him. "Because they practiced, again and again, and again."

A muscle ticked in his cheek. "They listened to your song repeatedly until they finally learned to resist it?"

She nodded.

"How many people did they kill before they beat it?"

"Hundreds, at least, but-" She caught Jace's arm as he swore. "But I  truly believe that's because they didn't really care if they killed.  They were learning to resist for strategic purposes, but they liked  killing, and a part of them didn't want to stop. You're different."

"I'm not that different-"

"Jace!" She smacked him in the chest. "Don't say that! Don't you  understand what they're like? Didn't you see my scars? Lucius did that  for pleasure. How can you say you're like that? Don't insult me like  that!"