"What?" Cash looked shocked. "No."
"Give her the gun." As the pack alpha, Jace knew that Cash had no choice but to follow his orders. He looked at Nancy. "I give you the honor of killing me."
Her eyes widened. "What are you talking about? I don't want to shoot you."
"You deserve the closure." He glared at Cash. "Give her the gun."
Cash shook his head. "No!"
"It has to be done. I was going to do it, but it's better this way." He turned toward the woman, whose eyes had gone wide as she watched the exchange. "Killing your granddaughter violated every moral code I have," he said. "I agree that it is irrelevant that Grigori was controlling me. That's no excuse. Any wolf shifter that's a threat to the safety of innocents must die, and I'm no exception. I give you the honor."
"Fuck that." Cash glared at him. "You're not going to kill yourself because some piece of shit manipulated you. We need you."
Jace lurched to his feet, scowling back at Cash. "Do you realize I hear that fucking song in my head all the time? That I can feel my body wanting to shift? He doesn't even have to be near me to trigger it. Whatever he did to me is still in there, and it's just a matter of time until it wins again. Then what? Should I make a pilgrimage to apologize again to the next family? And then the next? Fuck that, Cash! I'm a liability, and I can't be allowed to live. It's your turn to take over the pack, so back the fuck off and give her the damn gun!"
The front door slammed shut, jerking Jace's attention back to the door. Nancy was gone, and he heard the lock on the front door click. "Shit!" He rapped his knuckles on the door again. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. I-"
"Stop." Drake put his hand on Jace's shoulder. "It's over. She absolved you by refusing to kill you."
Jace bowed his head, leaning his forehead against the worn-out front door, anguish consuming him. "I scared her," he whispered. "I came here to apologize, and I made it worse." Darkness pressed down on him, and he closed his eyes, unwilling to summon the strength to fight it off anymore. The guilt that had been crushing him so mercilessly since that night surged around him, tearing apart what little was left of his soul. He decided to let the song take him, to surrender to it and to make the decision easy for Cash and Drake.
He dropped to his knees and grabbed the doorframe, leaning his head against the wood. "Do it."
Cash tensed. "Fuck no. Get up."
Jace knew then that they didn't believe him. They had no concept of the power of the song that was still in his head. They had no understanding of how deadly it could turn him in a split second, a monster utterly devoid of any kind of mercy or humanity.
He closed his eyes, and, for the first time since the murder, he intentionally attuned his mind to the song. He listened to it, breathing in each note, each word, each waft of power. It began to build inside him, and heat began to rise off his body.
"Son of a bitch," Drake said. "He's calling the song. He's trying to force us to kill him."
"Jace!" Cash commanded. "Look at me!"
Jace kept his head down, and continued to listen to the song. His skin began to prickle.
"Throw the gun away," Cash shouted at Drake. "Get rid of it!"
"But if he shifts-"
"Ditch it!"
Jace heard the thud of a gun hitting the ground a hundred yards away, and he swore. "Don't!" He looked up just as Drake threw his gun into the woods. "You idiots!" He lurched to his feet. "What the fuck are you doing?"
"Saving your life!" Cash grabbed him by the shirt and threw him up against the door. "You're our alpha! If you shift now and murder us, then you violate your oath to protect your pack. Pull it together, Jace! Do it now or you're going to kill us!"
The song was louder now, almost at full strength. Jace swore and jammed his hand into his pocket, grabbing the silver balls. Pain knifed through him, but the song continued to scream through his mind. He couldn't shift right now. There was no one to stop him, and there was a little old lady behind a decrepit door, and his two pack mates, all of whom would be targets for his insanity. Shit! He had to resist the song, but it was too strong now, taking over him with ruthless efficiency. "The knife," he commanded. "Get it!"
Cash pulled the knife out and sliced Jace's shirt open. He pressed the flat of the silver blade across Jace's chest, right over his heart.
"Son of a bitch," Jace gasped as smoke began to rise from his skin. His heart stuttered, and lurched, and he collapsed to his knees. Drake caught him as he went down, holding him up enough so Cash didn't lose contact with the knife. He began to cough, trying to suck air into his lungs, as his body fought to defend itself against the silver. All his energy surged toward his heart, focused only on survival, stealing energy from the song.
"You got it now?" Cash asked, his face grim.
Jace nodded, gripping his chest as Cash removed the blade. He swore, his heart pounding erratically. His lungs didn't seem to work, and he jerked his hand out of his pocket, releasing the silver balls. His body was struggling in response to all the silver, fighting to regain equilibrium.
"Let's get him to the woods." Drake grabbed one arm, and Cash the other.
Jace stumbled, trying to regain his feet while the others helped him toward the trees. The moment he reached the edge of the forest, they eased him down to the ground. He collapsed, his face pressed against the wet earth. He concentrated on the richness of the soil, drawing the energy of the earth into his damaged body. Slowly, his heartbeat steadied, and he was able to take a deep breath.
He rolled onto his back, staring up at the faces of his two most trusted pack mates. Neither of them looked even mildly apologetic for openly disobeying their alpha. "You guys suck."
They both grinned unrepentantly. "Sometimes the best follower is the one who knows when to ignore orders," Cash said.
"And what about when I finally snap and kill someone else?" Jace asked.
Drake shrugged, his broad shoulders lifting his heavy jacket. "I got no life. I'm fine with following you around every second of the day. We could have a bromance."
Cash coughed and turned away, covering his mouth with his arm, doing a shoddy job covering his amusement.
Jace scowled at Drake "A bromance? Really? That's your solution?"
Drake's smile faded and he crouched beside Jace. "You saved our asses when we were lost," he said, his voice low and urgent. "Cash and I would both be dead with a trail of victims behind us if you hadn't saved us. We weren't innocent, but you fought for us because you believed in us. There's no fucking chance we're abandoning you, no matter what, so give it up. You might not have a pristine resume anymore, but that's not what life is about. Stains make you greater than you already were, and we're not letting you knock yourself off because some bastard worked you over."
Jace glanced at Cash, who nodded his agreement. "What he said."
Something inside Jace turned over. He was proud of how these men had turned out. They weren't that much younger than he was, and he knew they were the brothers he'd never had. He treasured their loyalty and belief more than he could ever say, but he also knew their faith was misplaced.
He was not the hero they wanted him to be; however, they deserved more than to be burdened with killing him.
He wouldn't ask that of them.
He would take that responsibility upon himself, when they weren't around.
Someday, they would understand.
Chapter 2
Abby Collins watched through a crack in the yellowed curtains, watching the three shifters. Jace was down on the ground, and the other two were standing guard, clearly protecting him. "I can feel his pain, Nana," she said softly.
Her grandmother dug her bony fingers into Abby's elbow, peering over her shoulder to watch Jace. "He's alpha. Like Grigori."
"I know," Abby said, well aware of the implications of that truth.
Jace sat up slowly, his face drawn and peaked, his eyes haunted with deep anguish and self-hate. His leather bomber jacket and jeans were caked in mud, but he didn't appear to care. He just rested his forearms on his knees, staring moodily at the house.
Her skin prickled at the intensity of his stare, even though she knew he couldn't see her through the lacy curtains. He was broken, but at the same time, power rolled off him in thick waves. It was the strength of the wolf, but also something more, something deeper, something that came from within and thundered outward into all that surrounded him. Awareness rippled through her, not just of him as a threat, but as a man. "He's dangerous."