Dark Carousel (Dark #30)(31)

Because she didn’t. The idea of being separated from him made her physically ill. “You can’t expect me to calmly decide to go along with all this.”
“I can and I do. You have genuine feelings for me. I am in your mind, and to make it fair, at any time, you can be in mine.” He nodded his head toward the tools neatly laid out on the table. “I suspect your psychic gift is strong, and it involves reading antiques. That was how you realized I am far older than I look.”
Was there a faint note of humor in his tone? If there was, it didn’t show on his face or in his eyes. His gaze was as watchful as ever. His expression very serious.
“Yes, I saw you carving the horse. You were surrounded by your friends.”
His expression changed then and she realized she’d triggered a long-forgotten memory. He looked sad.
“They were giving me a hard time. The Malinov brothers, all five of them, were there that evening. They liked to discuss politics. They didn’t always agree with our prince and they wanted debates going all the time. It was tiresome, but that night, they were just having fun. Fridrick was there as well. The prince’s lifemate was close to having her first child. A son. He would be the reigning prince one day. It was a time of great joy.”
She studied his face. “Why does the memory make you so sad?” She felt his sorrow, felt it like a weight pressing down on her. She had the unexpected urge to go to him and put her arms around him to comfort him. She forced her feet to stay where they were. This entire revelation was far too scary to even consider. She believed every word he said to her.
“That night was a fun night, but later, some years later, it all turned wrong. Terrible. I had never given the carousel to the prince for his son. I hadn’t finished it. Work got in the way. I had to chase vampires, and the piece was never finished. Later, when I went back to it, that’s when everything went wrong.”
Charlotte could feel his anguish, although she wasn’t certain he could.
“The Malinovs had a sister, Ivory. A beautiful girl. Everyone loved her, especially the brothers. Ivory was ultimately betrayed by the prince’s eldest son, the one I was originally carving the horse for. At that time, there was unrest between human factions and a war broke out. We were interrupted and had to choose sides. Many of my people, including the Malinovs, didn’t think we should involve ourselves in the wars of humans. They avoided them other than to feed.”“Like cattle to humans.”
A little shudder went through her body at the way he’d put that. Tariq had “fed” from her. She touched the brand on the swell of her breast, and the mark pulsed and throbbed. Instantly, as if connected, her sex matched that strange, hungry beat.
“Sielamet, I do not ‘feed’ in that way from you. It is erotic and intimate with you. We are meant for each other. My people do not regard your people as cattle. At least, most do not.”
She ignored that, not ready to engage him in battle again. Besides, she was curious. “Did something happen to Ivory that night?”
“That first night, when we were having fun, Ivory had not yet been born. Neither was Draven, the prince’s eldest, but I think things were set in motion that night. The Malinov brothers argued with the prince, wanting to stay out of the human problems. When he didn’t take their advice, they became more and more openly defiant over the years. They mellowed a little after Ivory was born, but the night Ivory was betrayed and she was thought lost to us, all five of the brothers chose to turn vampire. Ruslan, the oldest, led the others, and they followed him straight into hell. And they did so with a plan in place—with a terrible purpose. We are seeing the results of that plan here, in this city, right now.”
“And the carousel horse?”
“I finished carving it later. I saved the wood and worked on it over time. The night the Malinovs made their decision to become undead, I had finished it along with the chariots. I was helping train several young men and I wanted the carousel for that purpose. I thought the men I was training too young for battle, but I liked them. I’d assembled the carousel and the horses and chariots were hanging from chains when Ruslan and his brothers came to try to recruit me to their plan.”
“To become a vampire?” There was a little squeak to her voice.
“They didn’t even suggest that they were considering such a thing. What they did want to do was even worse. They intended to kill the prince and his entire family. It was risking every single Carpathian to do so.”
This time, the pain in his voice was too much for her and she took a few steps toward him before she could stop herself. The need to comfort him was so overwhelming she felt sick when she forced herself to stay frozen in place. Taking those few steps had put her in closer proximity, and now, from the anguish in his voice, she could feel the pain radiating off him as if it had been stored up for so long and now the emotional dam was gone and everything was pouring out of him. 
“The Malinovs always came up with idiotic schemes to overthrow the prince, but it was mostly for debate. Usually they debated with the De La Cruz brothers, but it was just talk. Just that. At first I thought they weren’t serious, but then I could hear the anger and resolve in their voices. I knew they meant it. I knew they planned to assassinate the entire Dubrinsky family. They believed their line was sufficient to take the place of the Dubrinsky line.”
Something in the way he revealed the information, the incredulous note in his voice, the absolute shock that anyone would think that, made her realize there was far more to the story than he was telling her. Something was very special about the Dubrinsky lineage for him to have such a reaction. He didn’t believe for one moment that the Malinovs could take the Dubrinskys’ place; if they did so it would somehow be the downfall of his people.
“What happened?” she prompted when he fell silent.
“They left very angry and I never saw them again as my friends. As Carpathians. Ivory, the one person they lived and cared for, had disappeared and they turned vampire that night. All of them. Deliberately. They didn’t wait until it was too late, until there was no hope of finding lifemates and the memories of love and friendship were totally gone.”
Her head jerked up and shock took hold, a thousand lightning strikes hitting all at once as realization dawned. She’d heard that word from him often. Lifemate. “Tariq, what does that mean? No hope of finding a lifemate and memories are totally gone. What would that have to do with turning vampire?”
He sighed. “Carpathian males over time lose their ability to see in color and to feel emotion. We’re the dark half of the soul and without the light to provide the way, we sink further and further into a gray world of nothing. We hunt the vampire, but it is only our honor that keeps us from joining them. When you cannot feel anything, you look for that one moment when you can. There is a rush when taking blood during a kill and the temptation of feeling at least that. The temptation whispers to you night after night. For centuries. Unrelenting.”
She moistened her suddenly dry lips. He hurt and that made her hurt. She didn’t know if she was feeling his pain or if it was her own, but he clearly felt the loss of his friends. If the things Tariq had told her were true, he had suffered. “How do you know she’s the right one?”
His blue eyes drifted over her face. There was stark possession there. Raw emotion so deep it shook her. “There is only one, Charlotte—she holds the other half of one’s soul. She could be in any century. We thought only Carpathian women could be lifemates, and our women had slowly disappeared until we had so few there were no children to bring us hope. The prince found Raven, and she was human. That gave the rest of us the will to continue when we were already long past our endurance.”
“What happens when you find your lifemate? How do you know she’s the right one? How can you tell?” Because he believed she was his, and she believed he belonged to her. And that was just plain crazy.
“When I heard your voice, I began to feel for the first time in centuries. Real emotions. More, I could see in color. Beautiful colors I hadn’t seen in so long I’d forgotten they existed. When I told you I do not see other women, I meant that. My cock reacts only to you. Only for you. My body would never accept another woman. You are my lifemate. My only.”
She held his words close, so close they sank into her heart. A little shiver crept down her spine. He lived in a world she could barely imagine.
“I saw you once,” he said. “A long time ago. When I was carving the horse. I turned and saw you. Looked right at you. I knew you existed, and I searched for so long. I didn’t ever want to think I couldn’t find you, but time passed and eventually . . .” He trailed off.Charlotte couldn’t help the small gasp that escaped. She raised her fingers to her lips, pressing hard to keep back the shock of what he’d just revealed. He’d seen her. Far back in time, he’d seen her when she’d entered the tunnel, pulled by the memories in the wood. She put her finger in her mouth and tasted her own blood. Wincing, she removed her finger and rubbed the injured pad along her thigh.
“Do you have any idea how bizarre and scary everything you’ve told me is? I only know about vampires through horror films and books. They were fictional. Mythical creatures to scare us at Halloween. Not. Real.”