"Do you mind if we talk about something else?" Brian asked. "I mean no disrespect, but I don't know any of these kids. I understand that you enjoy what you do, but we've been at dinner for over an hour and all you've talked about is a prom. It's been a long time since something like that was important to me."
Oh. Well, that was kind of shitty. On the one hand, he got it. He shouldn't have a monopoly on the conversation, but couldn't Brian find a better way to say it? "You're right. I'm sorry. How was your day?" But really, it didn't feel like Brian was right. Why had he said that it was?
"It was work, I guess," he replied but then went quiet. A heaviness rested at the base of Austin's spine. Something was going on. Something was different about the way Brian acted tonight.
"Is everything okay?" he asked. "I feel like I've done something wrong but I can't for the life of me figure out what it could be."
Brian sighed, and there was something in that sigh that told Austin how this was going to end-or hell, that this whole thing was going to end.
"I didn't want to do this here. I'd hoped I would feel differently once we were out together, but I just don't. I wanted this to work out but I don't think it's going to. If it's not the center or teens you're talking about, it's Dare. If it's not the center you're breaking a date with me for, it's Dare. What kind of name is that, anyway? Dare?"
"Hey, that's not fair. Don't bring Dare into this. He's my friend, and I didn't break a date with you for him. You asked on a day that Dare and I have standing plans." The weight at his spine got heavier. His whole body felt like he was suddenly anchored down. He wasn't even going to respond to the dig at Dare's name. It fit him. He couldn't imagine Dare being anyone other than Dare, regardless of the fact that he was curious about his birth name.
There was a part of Austin that felt like this came out of nowhere, but also a quiet voice in the back of his mind that asked, Are you really that surprised?
"I do apologize if I've made you feel like this relationship isn't important. I know I've been busy lately, but I won't apologize for loving what I do."
Brian sighed. "And I couldn't ask you to. We're just different in that way, I guess."
"That's the only way we're different," Austin found himself saying.
"And maybe that's the problem," Brian replied. "In some ways, being with you is like looking in the mirror. Your life, some of your hobbies, your past, they're all exactly like mine. I didn't expect that to get boring, but it has."
Boring. One of the things that Austin hated about himself. This wasn't the first time the term had been thrown around about him and he didn't mean Dare's comment Sunday night. It wasn't the first time he'd been broken up with over it, either. "I should go." Austin pushed to his feet and pulled out his wallet. He tossed money on the table for his share of the bill. He was pissed. Wanted to explode. Was hurt, too. He didn't love Brian. He knew that, but this was hitting him hard, like Brian had stolen the wind from his sails.
"Do you want me to take you home? Will you be okay?" he asked, and Austin let out an exasperated sigh.
"I'm a big boy. I think I can get home by myself." He turned and walked away. The second he stepped out onto the busy Los Angeles street, noise hit him. The bass of music in a car driving by. Horns, cars, people walking and talking.
He'd always loved LA. Loved the diversity here, the noise and the people and the life, but right now, it felt too loud and not loud enough at the same time. It hurt his ears but didn't drown out the word boring, boring, boring, that repeated over and over in his head.
Austin pulled up the Uber app and kept moving. A car was four minutes away, it said, but it only took three for it to reach him.
"Where would you like to go?" the driver asked.
Wild Side in West Hollywood, played through his head. He could take a page out of Dare's book. Go to the bar, dance and drink and have fun. Find someone to go home with and suck dick, fuck, whatever they wanted. Hell, maybe he'd even get on his knees in the bathroom. He'd never done that before, or had it done to him. Maybe that's what he needed, to step out of this life and find another one.
But he didn't tell the driver to take him to Wild Side. Instead, he gave his own address and sat quietly in the back seat while the driver took him home.
Boring.
*
It was close to three in the morning when Dare got home. The second he stepped onto the landing, he noticed the light in Austin's window. It wasn't often he noticed a light and Austin up at this hour. If he was awake, he was usually in his room reading. He was a stickler about lights and electricity, so Dare knew that if the living room light was on, Austin was in that room.