"Fuck," Dare gritted out. Austin didn't do this kind of thing often, and he was being a bastard. "I'm sorry. I don't know what in the hell is wrong with me."
Austin sighed, dropped his phone on the counter, leaned against it and turned his head toward Dare. "Why?" he asked, and Dare knew exactly what he meant. He wasn't questioning the reason behind Dare being a dickhead, but the reason behind what just happened.
Dare shrugged and answered as honestly as he could. He owed Austin that much. "I don't know. I just thought of you going out to meet some hookup that you didn't know and … it didn't feel right. That's not you."
Austin's faced flushed about fifty shades of red, telling him that was the wrong answer. "Nice, so I got a pity blowjob from my best friend. I should have known, even from the reaction to the kiss. You said then it was a mistake, and this time it's pity." He shoved his phone into his pocket. "I need you to go, Dare. I know you probably don't understand where I'm coming from, and I'm not sure if I do either but I can't do this with you. I can't be the friend you blow because you feel sorry for me."
"Huh?" he asked, letting the thought from inside his head pass his lips. "What the hell are you talking about, Austin? I didn't blow you because I feel sorry for you. Is that a thing? Do people give pity blowjobs? I mean, it's sucking dick. Most people do that because they like cock in their mouth. I know I do."
Austin scowled at him, his forehead wrinkled and damned if Dare didn't think it was cute. Obviously much cuter than Austin found him right now because he definitely wasn't cracking a smile at Dare's joke.
Austin pushed away from the counter, walked to the living room couch, and sat down. They were like a magnet, that couch and Austin. They called to him. He had so many happy memories there that Dare couldn't help but follow and sit beside him.
"Just be real with me. I deserve that," Austin told him, and he was right. He did.
"Shit." Dare ran both hands through his hair, scratched his head in quick, frustrated movements. "Ugh." He could do this. He could talk to Austin. Austin was the only person he'd ever felt comfortable talking to. It hadn't happened overnight. He'd been the only person to earn Dare's trust. "I don't know what's going on with me. Lately, things have felt … different. I don't know how or why but I think … fuck, I think I was jealous when I saw you leaving and found out what you were doing. I don't know what to do with that."
Dare tried to push to his feet, needing to move, but Austin's hand on his knee stopped him. It shouldn't. Austin didn't hold him tight, but it kept him there nonetheless.
"It doesn't mean anything. It was just a thing that happened," Dare added because he needed to say something.
"Does it have to be just a thing that happened?"
"I don't know. Do you want it to be something that happens again?" Dare asked.
"I don't know. Do you?" Austin countered.
"At the rate we're going, this will be decided by a fierce match of rock, paper, scissors or eenie, meanie, miney, moe."
A laugh burst from Austin's mouth, making his spearminty breath brush across Dare's cheek.
"Stop making me laugh. You're being funny when we should be confused." Austin nudged Dare's shoulder with this. He was right. They should feel confused, and Dare did … but he also didn't at the same time. "Maybe we're making this more muddled than it needs to be. That's usually my job, but something tells me you're freaking out even more than I am."
He really was freaking out. Dare wasn't proud to admit it, even to himself, but he was. "I don't know if I can be what you deserve. I'm afraid that if we continue to fuck around, I'll ruin us." Dare let his forearms rest on his thighs. His hands wrung together, twisting and turning in foreign nerves.
"What do you mean, be what I deserve? I don't know how you couldn't be. Jesus Christ, Dare, you're everything I could never be-fun and spontaneous. You're this beacon of light that everyone is attracted to."
"Thank you, but that's surface shit. That's easy to play off. I'm talking about what's in here." He closed his right hand into a fist and tapped his chest twice.
He needed to shut up. He was letting all these thoughts out of their hiding places when it was so much fucking easier keeping them concealed.
"Do you really think that?" There was a quiet surprise in Austin's voice, surprise and concern. Damned if that concern didn't make him want to open up, to spill his secrets, to let Austin the rest of the way inside. He was there, closer than anyone had ever been to being inside of him, but Dare automatically shut down every time Austin came close to breaking down a wall.