Danse Macabre(163)

"You mean the hierarchy of the werelions?"

She shook her head. "Anita, if you add this guy to your men, then someone had to beat the shit out of him, at least once, so he'd know who was boss."

"I'm boss," I said.

She smiled at me. "I like you, Anita. I respect you. I take orders from you. But a guy like Haven is going to see you as a girl, a piece of ass. Unless you can personally beat him to a pulp, he's not going to behave for you. He'll tell you to your face what you want to hear, but you've got Nathaniel, Micah, Damian. I mean you have a lot of non-coms around you. You don't want to bring home a lion to play with your kittens unless you have a big dog to balance it out."

I frowned at her. "Are you saying that Richard is my big dog?"

"Maybe it's a bad example, but it's the best I've got."

"You don't think he would respect me — Haven, I mean?"

She shook her head. "He's got trouble written all over him, Anita."

"You think I should throw him back?"

Her dark eyes widened, surprised. "Does my opinion count?"

"I trust your judgment, and you're the only girl here."

"Why do you need a girl opinion?" she asked.

"Because I'm tired of all the damn testosterone."

She grinned at me. "I'm not sure I'll say anything that the men won't say on this one, Anita. Estrogen doesn't make me stupid, and you'd have to be stupid to want to keep Cookie Monster over there. I mean he could be a bodyguard, if we made the rules clear, but to take home as a lover, no way."

I nodded. "I agree."

"Then why ask?"

I hugged myself. "Because, knowing all of it, I still want to touch him."

She shrugged all that muscled upper body. "Then you're fucked."

Richard's voice came strained. "You can't want to keep him, not now, not after this."

I knelt beside him. He grabbed my hand, so hard and sudden it startled me. "I don't want to keep him."

I watched him try to think past the pain. "But," he said.

"But it's not always about what I want."

His hand convulsed around mine, until I had to fight not to cry out. "Shift, Richard, you can heal this if you shift."

He shook his head. "If I shift I'll have to spend at least four hours in animal form. Can't go to the ballet as a wolf."

"You're not going to enjoy the evening like this."

His grip on my hand loosened, just holding me for a moment. He stared into my face like he was trying to memorize it. "Do you want me not to go?"

I frowned at him. "Why would you ask that? Of course, I want you to go."

He almost smiled, but winced instead. "You've got a lot of men to juggle, maybe one less would make tonight easier."

I drew his hand against my breasts, and touched his face. "You didn't just assume I needed help to handle Haven. You asked me first, and waited for me to answer. I know you wanted to wade in and pull him off us. Thank you for asking, for waiting."

He grimaced, and tried to make it a smile. "I'm glad you're happy about it, but my waiting cost Travis a broken arm. Joseph's not going to want us to borrow his lions, if we keep breaking them."

That made me smile. "Good point, but the lioness in me is looking for someone strong." I looked at the wall, because I could feel that beast moving around inside me, as if it were pacing the cage of my body. I did not want another round of almost-shifting. I raised Richard's hand to my face. I sniffed it, and it didn't help. Yes, it was Richard, but he'd touched Haven, and the smell of lion was on his skin, along with wolf. The prickling warmth started to swell inside me.

I let go of his hand, and stood up.

"What's wrong?" Claudia asked.

"Her beast is trying to rise again," Richard said from the floor.

I nodded, and stepped farther away from Richard, and kept moving. I wanted distance between me and Haven. This didn't feel like the way I'd bonded to Nathaniel. This instant attraction to Haven felt like… I turned and found Micah standing there, closer than I'd realized. He hadn't wanted to interfere with me and Richard. I could feel my eyes widening. I reached out to him, and the wolf and lion quieted. Leopard stirred, and the movement almost doubled me over. Micah caught me, helped me stand up straight. But the leopard liked him too much, and I had to push him away from me. I stumbled, and Jean-Claude was there to catch me. I clung to him, burying my face against his chest, drawing in the scent of clean silk and him. I actually ripped his shirt open, so I could put my face directly against his skin. I drew in the sweet, clean, scent of him, as if he were air, and I'd been suffocating. His cologne was sweet, and always smelled as expensive as it was, but it was the scent of his skin underneath it, mixing with the cologne, that I needed. It helped clear my head, helped me ease the beasts back to sleep.