Chapter Twenty-Eight
I spent the rest of the week feeling numb, moving through the motions of my routine-going to work, returning to the hotel, eating dinner, and falling asleep to the TV. I emailed Staci throughout the day and texted her at night. She kept in touch with me, taking my mind off everything, but I really knew she was just keeping tabs on me. I told her about meeting William on Friday and then we made plans to move me in with her over the weekend.
"Mackenzie, line one for you," Chelsea called out, pressing the hold button.
I was screening my calls and being extra careful of who I spoke with. "Who is it?"
"It's Alexander Lancaster," she replied and then continued, "again." My heart dropped into my stomach for the fourth time this week. He's called me every day at work since Tuesday and every time, I've avoided it.
"Tell him I'm in a meeting."
"Sure thing." She smacked her gum and grabbed the phone, telling him exactly what I had said.
I could feel her looking at me after she hung up. "What?"
"He's worried about you." He emailed me once yesterday and then texted me this morning. I've ignored them all. I wasn't sure how to deal with him just yet.
My throat swelled up at the thought of hearing his voice again. "Well, if he calls again, you can let him know I'm just fine. I'm breathing, eating, and sleeping. There's nothing to worry about." I stood up and grabbed my things.
"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked sincerely. She hadn't mentioned it all week to me, but I knew she knew.
"No, but thanks. I'm all right," I tried to say convincingly. "I'll be fine," I said again.
"Okay, well, if you ever do, I'm a really good listener." She smiled sincerely at me, and I smiled back.
I finished everything from missing work last week and everything for this week. I'd worked nonstop to make sure I could catch up before the weekend. I knew saying goodbye to William was going to be hard, but I was ready. I was ready to take my things and start over again. I've done it once before and I knew I could do it again.
I WALKED THE familiar steps to the apartment, feeling both misplaced and comforted at the same time. I've lived here for the past year and now I was saying goodbye to another constant I had built for myself. I thought William was the one, my forever, and now it was all coming to an end.
I knocked on the door and anxiously waited. I wasn't sure I was ready to see William again. However, I didn't think I'd ever be ready after seeing his face when he overheard Alex and me.
I just needed to get this over with.
"You don't have to knock," William said as he answered the door.
I swallowed at the sight of him. He was well dressed and groomed as usual. He wore a tailored gray suit with a turquoise tie and white shirt. He was always put together, even alone at home.
"I didn't want to just assume I could let myself in," I explained quietly, standing awkwardly in front of him.
"Of course you can. This is your home." He stepped back and waved me in. I stayed quiet as he guided us to the kitchen. "Would you like a drink?"
"Sure, water is fine." I took a seat on the stool by the breakfast bar. I needed space between us.
He handed me a bottle of water and grabbed one for himself. "Did you have dinner? I could call for something."
"Oh, I'm fine." This was so awkward.
"Mackenzie … you're looking at me like I'm a criminal or something. You're tense."
"I'm just a little uncomfortable. A lot has happened in a short amount of time. I just want to get this over with," I said honestly. Better he knew upfront anyway.
"You don't have to leave. In fact, I'd rather you didn't."
I unscrewed the top to my water and took a sip. "That's not an option. I'm moving in with Staci."
"So just like that? You're going to move out?"
"You lied to me. You aren't who I thought you were, and I can't be who you want me to be. It's for the better."
"If this is about my late wife, I can explain that."
It wouldn't change anything for me now, but it wouldn't hurt to know the truth at least. "Okay, tell me."
I watched as he leaned against the fridge and faced me. "You'll need to sign a non-disclosure agreement first."
"What?" I gasped.
"It's the only way, Mackenzie."
"I was your fiancée and you expect me to sign a form?"
"If you want to know, then, yes," he responded firmly.
I couldn't believe this. I was going to marry this man and he was expecting me to sign some stupid paper saying I wouldn't leak it to the press? "So you didn't trust me. Is that it? That's why you wouldn't tell me."
He swallowed and kept eye contact with me. Harshly, he replied, "I don't trust anyone, Mackenzie. It's nothing personal."
I burst out in laughter. "I can't believe you're serious."
"It's how the business goes. I keep my private life private for obvious reasons. Look what happens when you don't … "
I scowled. "I may have been the one to break up our relationship, but you're the reason I'm not fighting for it. I can't be in a relationship that's filled with secrets, lies, and signing NDAs. It's just not for me."
"Nothing's changed."
"You're right. I did. I changed. I saw past the blinders finally and realized I could never be happy in this lifestyle. Your shell is impossibly hard to break. I can't know about your late wife or why your and Alex's relationship was rocky to start with. I barely knew you at all. So if you aren't going to tell me, then there's not much else really to say. We just need to call the wedding planner and cancel everything. I'll send movers here tomorrow to grab the rest of my things, and we'll have nothing else tying us together," I said blankly.
"If that's what you want."
"It's the only option, William." I could see the emotion pouring from his eyes even though he was trying to hide it. "For what it's worth, I'm truly sorry things ended this way. I'm sorry for betraying you. I'm sorry it was made public. I wish things had gone a different way, but I think this is what's best for both of us."
He only nodded in response. I took that as my cue to leave, so I placed my bottle on the counter and slid out of the chair. "Bye, William."
"Goodbye, Mackenzie." He started walking out of the kitchen toward his office when he paused and said over his shoulder, "I hope you find true happiness." A small, genuine smile played on his lips before stepping out.
I swallowed at the genuineness of his voice before seeing myself out for the very last time. I didn't plan to come back. Staci was meeting the movers here in the morning and directing them to everything they needed to take. It'd be easier that way. Just say my final goodbye and start over.
I walked down to the elevator and pressed the call button. Once the doors slid open, I stepped in and hit the lobby button. The realization my life here was over finally hit me. Tears slowly escaped and ran down my cheeks. William and I shared some great memories and a part of me was sad we'd never have them again. There'd been times we couldn't wait to get back into the apartment and started making out right here in the elevator. Those were some of the best times we had shared together when he couldn't get enough of me. But that part of my life was over.
And it was time to move forward.
I THOUGHT ABOUT Alex the entire cab ride back to the hotel. He hadn't left my mind since everything blew up in our faces. As much as I wanted to forget him, leave it all behind, I knew it wasn't going to be easy. There were still a lot of unanswered questions, a lot of bitterness built up inside...and regret.
Once we arrived at the hotel, I paid the driver and stepped out. I took a look around-the gorgeous building in front of me, the sun already setting, and the tapping of people's shoes on the sidewalk. This was what a fresh start looked like. Tomorrow, I'd be moving in with Staci and starting over.
As I walked to the elevator, I thought about what food I wanted to order for dinner. I had one more night here, and I wanted to spend it eating take out and soaking in a hot bubble bath. I decided on Chinese as I rode the elevator back up to my room. I sent a quick text to Staci letting her know how not well my meeting with William went. I knew it was for the best. A part of me felt relieved it ended the way it did. I wasn't proud of the mistakes I had made, but I was glad I had found out the truth about him before it was too late.
My body sunk into the lavender scented oils as it made me feel completely relaxed from the hot water covering my skin. I closed my eyes and let my mind wonder. I thought about my mom. About things we had gone through together and how growing up the way I did had made me a stronger person. I thought about how I met Staci at a bar my first week moving to the city. She intrigued me with her spunky hairstyle and energetic personality. She became my rock and helped me make the transition to being on my own. She was a good five years older than I was, but you wouldn't know by looking at her.