I was completely silent in the car on the way home. He placed a hand on my knee and left it there until we arrived at the apartment. We hadn't spoken much since after my speech, and I could only hope his mind was spinning as much as mine was.
Because right now, nothing was making any fucking sense to me. I needed a sign, a reason to believe I was meant to be with him.
As soon as we stepped into the apartment, I fisted the material on William's chest and pulled him to me, locking my lips on his, hot and hard. I was angry with him, pissed that he hadn't been supportive and stayed by my side, but I needed to test my feelings for him. I wanted to feel something. After the kitchen incident with Alex, I was beginning to doubt everything.
His lips covered mine, reciprocating everything I was giving him. His hands firmly gripped my hips, pulling us closer together. I could feel his arousal against my stomach and the thought excited and sickened me at the same time. The image surfaced of that woman's hands all over him, right in front of me, and yet I hadn't felt a sting of jealousy. I was more upset at the fact he wasn't by my side, supporting and focusing only on me. My blood boiled as I thought about how I only wanted one night-just one night that was about me and what I was passionate about, and he couldn't even give me that.
William moaned in my mouth as his hand trailed up my body and landed on my breast. He squeezed it gently with just a touch of pressure. He was never overly forceful, but just enough to let me know he wanted me.
"Mackenzie … " he moaned in my mouth, but it didn't sound right. For the first time since meeting him, the sound of him saying my name tore me up. "Darling … " he said again, pushing us through the house. His lips remained on my mouth and neck until we arrived to the bedroom.
I was panting by the time my knees buckled against the mattress. He leaned over me, forcing me to lean back on the bed as he slipped his hands up my thighs. How was it he didn't even realize I was annoyed with him before leaving the event?
And why was I fooling myself?
"William, stop," I said abruptly, pushing my body back up. "Stop."
"What is it?" he asked, stunned and confused. He wiped the corners of his mouth off before seeing the serious expression on my face. "Are you all right?"
I adjusted my dress, pulling the straps that had slipped down back up and covering my legs before speaking again. "Would it have killed you to stay by my side tonight?"
"What are you talking about?"
"Tonight!" I screamed, irritated that he was going to make this difficult. "First, you're late, and then when you do arrive, you wander off to talk to everyone but me. Don't you think that's a bit upsetting for me?"
"Mackenzie, darling … there were people there who expect me to make conversation. It's rude if I ignore them. It's just business, you know that."
"And what about what I expect from you? Does that not mean anything?" I challenged, my face feeling hot as I finally pushed my guard away and was ready to tell him exactly how fucked up his behavior was.
"I didn't realize it would be a problem," he said casually, standing up and fixing his shirt. "I always speak to colleagues at events. It's never been a problem before."
I stood up with a straight face and replied, "Well, it's a problem now. Tonight was about me and perhaps I was a fool for expecting you'd be by my side for once."
I stepped to walk past him, but he firmly grasped my arm and pulled me back toward him. "Don't leave."
"I need some air," I said, unable to look at him. This wasn't the William I had fallen in love with. We had both been drinking, and I couldn't think straight.
"Fine. But then we're going to talk about this when you come back." It wasn't a question-he was demanding it.
But I didn't feel like talking about it.
I STOOD OUT on the patio with a blanket draped over my shoulders. The night air had cooled down some, but I didn't care. The crisp air felt good, almost numb to what my heart and head were feeling.
Had I been blind this entire time? Was William always this person? Was he changing?
Or was I?
I hated questioning things. It brought up too many hurtful memories, and I just wanted to believe things worked out for the best. But now I was questioning everything.
After a while, I went back inside to warm up. I made myself a cup of hot chocolate and peeked into the bedroom. William was passed out in bed, but I wasn't ready to go sleep next to him. I needed time.
I walked into the sitting room that was just off the main living room. It was smaller and peaceful with a white built-in bookshelf and my modern, elegant off-white couch I had brought from my old apartment. I didn't bring many things over, but I bought it with one of my first big checks and I was proud of that purchase. William had made room for it in here, so I always liked coming in on occasion. But right now, it was being used to put distance between the mess that my reality felt right now and myself.
The room had a set of white French doors, but I kept one side open just in case William came looking for me later. I grabbed a blanket and snuggled into the couch, needing a good night's sleep to get myself back to feeling like me again.
I thought I heard shuffling in the living room, scaring me out of my deep sleep. I peeked over the edge of the couch and saw a lamp was left on. I checked my phone and saw that it was past three a.m. Alex must just be coming home. He didn't leave with us, and from the pained look he gave me, I knew he hadn't planned to come home anytime soon.
I settled back into the couch, letting sleep take over once again.
Chapter Seventeen
I woke up to a quiet apartment, but the pounding in my chest was anything but quiet. I was also breathing heavily as if I had just run a marathon. Something felt wrong.
I stood up and grabbed my phone. It was just after nine a.m. Normally on Sundays, when William was home, he'd be out on the patio with the newspaper and coffee. But the apartment sounded completely empty.
And then I remembered why I had woken up so abruptly and why my body felt tense.
I remembered.
I remembered everything.
I had dreamt it, or at least I think I did. Either that or my memory was coming back to me …
"Are you from around here?" I asked once we were in his hotel suite.
"Originally, yes. But I just moved back from Europe after studying four years abroad."
"Oh, wow … " He grabbed my hand again, leading us out of the elevator and down the hall to his room. "Private suite?"
"Yeah." He let out an easy laugh. "Family money." He shrugged. I could tell he didn't want to talk any more about it, which was fine with me.
"Do you want a drink?" he asked, letting go of my hand and walking toward the wet bar.
"Sure … I'll take whatever," I replied, taking a good look around the room. The windows were floor to ceiling and the view from here was breathtaking.
He turned around and handed me the glass. I was still buzzed from the drinks we had before leaving Le Bain.
I brought the glass up to my lips as my eyes trailed down Alex's body. He was young, definitely fit and in shape, and had nailed down the ‘I'm going to eat you alive' look. All I knew at that moment was how done I was with being Manhattan's good girl. I was done with the acting. Or perhaps that was the alcohol taking over.
I slammed the drink down, not even knowing what it was. I choked on the intense burn, but I quickly swallowed it down, not caring anymore.
"Shit … " Alex spit out. "You aren't supposed to down it like a shot." He tried to conceal his laughter, but his smile told me everything. He was fucking turned on.
"I didn't want to waste any more time." I set it down on the bar and walked up to him. "No more wasting time … " I wrapped my arms around him, bringing his mouth down to mine. I crushed our lips together, the mixture of alcohol and heat evident as our mouths collided. I heard his glass drop, liquid splashing as it landed on the floor.
His arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me up. My legs engulfed him, wrapping around him as he walked us down a hall. I felt his hard bulge against my thigh, taunting the ache down below even more.
Moaning, panting, grinding. Our bodies were inseparable as we made our way into a bedroom. He kicked one of the French doors open; it slammed against the wall in response.
He set me on top of a desk, our mouths still connected in a heated battle of wanting, needing more. My hands raked through his hair as he pressed his pelvis into me. I could feel his arousal in between my legs, which drove me fucking crazy. God, I wanted to feel him. Touch him. Lick him.
"Alex … " I whimpered as his mouth slowly moved down my jaw and neck. "Oh, god … " I moaned as his lips sucked on my collar bone like he'd been begging for all night long. "Mm … "