"Why are you making this so difficult?" he growled. "It's easy, Mac. You and I have something … whether or not you remember it-I know your body does. You wouldn't be pushing so hard if you didn't feel something."
He placed two fingers under my chin, making our eyes connect again. I didn't want him to see the tears, the pain this was bringing me, so I swallowed and forced them back. "This is the opposite of easy," I choked out. He didn't move, so I continued. "I need to go," I said weakly, taking a step to walk past him, but he stepped in front of me, barricading me to the wall.
"Don't leave. You know you don't want to. I see it in your face, your movements, your words. Whether or not his ring is on your finger, you're not his. You're just fooling yourself and everyone else that thinks so. Is that something you can live with?"
My blood was boiling by how direct and pushy he was being. I've told him everything I needed to say, and now I needed to make sure this would be the last time because I was sick of feeling this way.
"All we do is fight, so what's the point?" I pushed back.
"You're scared. That's why you're running."
"No." I shot right back. "I belong with him."
"Why?" Why? I couldn't think when he was in my face like this-my body couldn't be trusted.
"We don't fight," I said the first thing that came to my head. "It's easy … it's … "
"Boring," he filled in for me. "At least with me, it's interesting. Passionate. The chemistry is electric, Mac. I know you feel it. Stop fighting it and we'd stop fighting."
"I can't." I pursed my lips, tightening my face.
"You won't." He pushed back. The intensity in his eyes was almost too much. He was pushing his boundaries and he knew it.
"Regardless of how you feel about me and how my body reacts to you, this-" I wave a finger between the both of us. "-can never be anything. I've had to fend for myself my entire life, be the responsible one just so I'd have something to eat, and I worked my way up to get a career I've always wanted. I'm happy. I am proud of everything I've accomplished to get here, on my own. Why can't you just let me be content?"
"And let you live a lie? Is that what you truly want?" he challenged.
"It's not a lie … I am happy," I threw back, confused. "I might not particularly like certain aspects of my life, but it's a hell of a lot better than I've had in the past. So no, I'm not going to ruin it just because of one night. A night that should've never happened in the first place."
"You keep saying that, Mac, but how much of that do you actually believe? I don't believe in coincidences. For that one night, you were just Mac … not arm candy, beautiful to gawk at, Mac … you let your guard down and when we met, electricity passed between us that even you couldn't deny."
"That wasn't electricity, Alex. That's called too much alcohol … way, way too much."
He laughed in my face and shook his head. "And now we're back to denial. One step forward, five steps backward." He rubbed the back of his neck in frustration and spun around in defeat. I hated that this was happening, but it had to be done. I needed to reset the boundaries.
"It's not denial. I was confused," I defended. "You confuse me, Alex. But even so, I have to go with my instincts."
He spun back around and faced me. "Well..." He huffed a laugh before continuing. "Your instincts are wrong." He pushed past me and walked out of his room without another word.
Well then.
That could've gone better.
I sighed, wiping the tears from my eyes. I heard the front door slam shortly after that. I grabbed the plate with his uneaten sandwich and walked it back to the kitchen. I wrapped it up and placed it in the fridge before hiding away in the bathtub for the rest of the night.
Chapter Fourteen
I lay in bed all night in a haze. It was past midnight before my brain finally turned off and I fell asleep. When I woke up, I turned and felt an empty space next to me. It was a little past eight and then I noticed a note on William's pillow.
Darling,
Sorry to leave before you woke up, but there was an emergency at the Chicago branch and I had to fly out. Be home as soon as I can!
I sighed as I realized he might not make it back in time to drive with me to the event. But I wasn't going to let that bother me right now. I had too much other shit on my mind. Alex.
I rolled out of bed and immediately jumped into the shower. I had planned to be there by seven p.m. I hired Chelsea to deal with the set-up arrangements so I wouldn't have to worry about it. She helped with the catering and making sure everything was done right. It was refreshing not having to stress over that for once-I had other things to worry about.
I've been looking forward to this event for months. It was a benefit for the Coalition for the Homeless-something so near and dear to my heart; I get emotional just thinking about it. William knew I was passionate about this charity, he knew my mother and I struggled financially, but he didn't know the extent of it. He knew we lived in shelters for a time, but not the extent of it, either. I never told him the things we had to do in order to survive. It wasn't something I was particularly proud of and knew most people wouldn't understand.
It wasn't that I didn't trust William. He was very understanding and very supportive of my desire to get involved, but I didn't like talking or thinking about it. It hurt and made me bitter. I hated the way it made me feel, so I tried to push that part of my life out as much as possible.
I'll be giving a speech tonight about the effects of homelessness in New York. I'll discuss the facts and how, if we worked together, we could put a stop to so many children living in shelters. I knew firsthand what it felt like, the things they see and do. It's especially terrible when you only have one parent and that one parent doesn't try to make an effort to do better. She needed help and any time it was offered, she'd take the medication just long to get her shit together. She'd manage to find work but then stop taking her pills, and either would be fired or would just stopped showing up. I never understood her reasoning for not wanting to have a better life or at least wanting a better one for me.
Once I was cleaned up, I dressed comfortably until I had to start getting ready. Since William was gone, it was the perfect time to clear things up with Alex one last time.
"Good morning," I said as I walked into the kitchen. He was wearing those gray low-cut sweats again, sitting at the breakfast bar with a cup of coffee and a newspaper. I walked toward the coffee maker, grabbed a cup, and lifted the carafe before realizing it was empty. "You drank the entire pot?" I spun around and held it up.
He didn't even lift his head as he responded, "Yeah, I've been up a while."
I set it down and looked intently at him. He had bags under his eyes and he didn't look so good. "Have you even been to bed?" I raised my brows at him, but he still wasn't looking.
"Nope."
This wasn't the way I planned to have another talk with him, but it was looking like it was going to have to be the only way. "Where'd you go last night?" I set the carafe back in and started putting a new filter in to make another pot. "I didn't hear you come back home."
"Why is that any of your business, Mackenzie?" I narrowed my brows at the way he said my name. He's never called me that and he said it with such hurt and disgust.
I swallowed and continued as if it hadn't affected me. "Because I was worried."
I spun around just as he stood up and looked at me. "Well, don't be."
He placed his cup in the sink and turned to walk out before I stopped him. "Alex, wait." He froze in place but didn't turn around. "We need to talk. Please."
"What's the point?"
I paused, hearing the coffee drip and steam as it poured into the carafe. "Because I don't want it to be like this. We live in the same house. We have to see each other. We might as well figure out a way to be around each other."
He turned around and walked toward me, taking his spot back at the breakfast bar. "Okay, you tell me how I'm supposed to be around you then."
I hated that he was being so harsh, but I wasn't about to push it. He was pissed and it was my fault.
"Can't we be friends? I mean, at least pretend we can stand being around each other when we have to be."
He pursed his lips in a tight line before saying, "Okay."
"Okay?"
"Sure. If that's what you want."
I was taken aback by how easy he was taking this considering how upset he'd been last night. But then again, he's probably been up all night thinking about it and hopefully, has realized we were never going to be anything.