"I'm sorry … " was all I was capable of saying before turning around and walking away. I couldn't let him see how his words affected me. I needed to get ready to meet Staci and clear him from my mind completely.
I MET STACI at our favorite Chinese restaurant at exactly eight o' clock. She was giddy and bubbly as usual, which was exactly what I needed. As much as I didn't want to think about Alex, I told her what happened that morning. She continued shoving forkfuls of chicken and rice into her mouth, completely unaffected.
"Stace … did you just hear me?" I asked, making sure she heard the part where I was naked in the shower with his lips on me.
"Yes … I heard you."
"Okay … aren't you going to tell me what a bad person I am and how I should go rinse my body off with bleach or something?"
She snorted, shaking her head at me as she smiled. "Mac, you're a big girl. You're capable of making your own decisions. Plus, you should know by now that I don't judge you."
"Ugh." I sighed.
"What?"
"I'm an awful person and you're just sitting there stuffing your face."
She shrugged unapologetically. "Some of us actually like to eat when they go out to dinner."
"Can't you just yell at me or something? Give me something."
"You have issues, but if that's what you want, fine. You're a trampy little whore who can't keep it in her pants and have to do a hundred hail-Marys. Happy? I'm ready for dessert." She tilted her head and smiled wide at me.
I burst into laughter at her condescending tone. "You're the best, thanks."
"Anytime, whore."
I pushed Alex out of my thoughts for the remainder of the night. We walked to a pub after and had a few drinks before I checked my phone and noticed I had four text messages from Alex and one voicemail from William.
I checked the texts first.
We need to talk. Delete.
Don't ignore me, Mac. We live under the same roof. Delete.
I miss you. Please come back. I blinked, reading over the words miss you. He wasn't allowed to miss me. Delete.
I'm going to my room. Please come talk to me. Delete.
I shook my head before listening to William's voicemail. His voice was so smooth, genuine. He had apologized for not calling sooner, but said there was a few concerning issues in his meetings today and had some things to take care of. He was now finishing dinner and heading in for the night, but I was to call him first thing in the morning before his late morning conference.
It was almost midnight before I was brave enough to go home. I was ready for bed and to forget this whole day.
Chapter Ten
I woke up around nine a.m. and called William before he got too busy. We talked briefly about the day before, my stomach turned every time he told me how much he loved and missed me.
"I miss you, too," I told him, which I did, but I couldn't help the nagging pull of guilt that I felt.
"I'll be home late Sunday night, darling. I can't wait to hold you."
I smiled, anticipating him coming home. He'd been working a lot lately, getting ready to buy another company, but I always missed him when I was alone.
But now you have Alex … an annoying voice said in my head. I pushed it out as fast as it came in.
Alex was not someone I was supposed to be filling my time up with. He was living here until he got his shit together and then he'd be gone, just in time for William's and my wedding.
The thought made me smile. William had been in a rush to set a date, but I told him I needed some time. I wanted to build my career and name before tying the knot. He respected my wishes and allowed me to set a date two years from our engagement. Now we were a year away and still had a lot to get done.
I met with our wedding planner about once a month to make sure we were still on track. The venue had been booked already and we had gotten our engagement pictures done almost immediately. The media wasted no time covering our engagement as soon as word leaked out. Our pictures were plastered all over the Internet like an overnight sensation.
I pulled an oversized sweater over my tank top and walked to the kitchen. I was in desperate need of coffee. A slight hangover headache was approaching, and I didn't have the patience to deal with one.
Alex was standing in the kitchen in just dark navy blue sweats, his back to me. I hated that I noticed his chiseled back muscles, but he was blocking the coffee maker that I was coming for in the first place.
"Morning," he said before even turning around.
I stepped forward, grabbing a mug from the cabinet before responding, "Good morning."
"I made coffee." He spun around with a mug already in his hand. My eyes dropped to his chest and down his torso before blinking them back up to his face. He wore a smug smile as he totally caught me checking out his body and insanely muscular arms.
I cleared my throat and shut the cabinet door. "Thanks, coffee would be great."
He pulled the pot out and tilted it toward me and stared at me. "I'm going to actually need your mug if you want me to pour you some."
I took a couple steps toward him until I was just within reach for him to pour a generous amount. I swallowed, making sure to keep my eyes off him as much as possible. "Thank you." I stood there, waiting for him to move, but he didn't. "Excuse me," I said, walking toward the fridge, but he didn't budge. "I just want to get some cream." Things were feeling awkward and tense between us, and I hated that.
He pushed his body to the counter, only giving me a few inches of room to walk past. "Be my guest."
"You're kind of in my way."
He swung his arm out, guiding me to the where the fridge was. "Looks like you have plenty of room to me."
I rolled my eyes at his stupid attempt to get me closer to him. I gritted my teeth and said, "Fine, be a child." I stepped over his legs that were crossed at the ankles and slightly brushed past him as I opened the fridge door.
"If you wanted to touch me, all you had to do was ask."
I scowled and faced him. "You're such an asshole." I grabbed the creamer and slammed the fridge shut.
"I'm not and you know it."
"I should've just had it black," I mumbled to myself as I stepped back over him, ignoring his attempt to push his body closer.
"How long do you plan to act like this?" His question shocked me, my body jerking in response.
"Act like what?" I turned around, narrowing my brows in disapproval.
"That you despise me," he said bluntly.
I thought about his question for a moment, realizing this was probably just as hard on him as it was on me, but he was the one acting like an arrogant jerk.
"I wouldn't have to if you'd stop trying to cross boundaries with me when you know it's inappropriate."
"Inappropriate?" He laughed, pissing me off more. "Good god, it's like you're a Stepford Wife."
"You know what I mean."
"You mean … that I'm tempting you? That I'm giving you something more to desire?" He took a step toward me, caging me in with his arms around me. I stepped back as far as I could before hitting the back of the sink. "If you didn't feel it too, there'd be no issue. But I know for a fact you do."
I swallowed, hating that he was right, but it didn't mean anything. It couldn't.
"Just because your technique-" I waved a finger between us, "-typically works for other girls, doesn't mean it's going to work on me."
He furrowed his brows and asked, "And what technique would that be?"
"Getting what you want, who you want." I pushed against his chest, needing the space. "You're not used to girls saying ‘no' to you. You use your name, your father's popularity to gain respect, and truthfully, it's a little pathetic," I snapped, the courage I'd felt quickly left as his eyes darkened, getting more intense.
He leaned into me and shot back, "Do you see any other girls here?"
"Give it time." I held my ground as best I could. His face that close to mine was making it almost impossible to think straight.
He laughed in my face, a deep, throaty laugh that came out as if he was amused by my antics. "If it's on the Internet, it must be true, right?"
I had looked him up late last night when sleep wouldn't come to me. Although I tried, wanting-needing-to forget that whole day, it just wasn't happening. Most of the stories were from his teenage and early college years, there hadn't been anything recent, but I used it against him anyway.
"Isn't that the way the game works?"
"I don't know what game you're playing, sweetheart, but I know what you felt when you kissed me. You feel what I feel and there's no denying that."
His eyes looked into mine, confident and tense as I stared back. "It doesn't matter, Alex. It's never going to lead to anything, so you should just stop trying."