His hands roamed up and down my sides. He moved them to cup my breasts and then down to squeeze my ass with both of his hands, pulling me into his erection. I reached up and pulled his hair, pulling him in deeper, firmer against me. The desire came as instinct; my body felt on fire and seemed to remember everything about that night.
"Mac … " he whimpered, parting his lips and kissing down my throat and neck. I arched my back, giving him easier access. "God, I want you. I want you so bad, Mac."
He brought his hands back up and wrapped one arm around my back and the other against the shower wall. His mouth landed on mine again as I fought with his belt. Once I released it, I unbuttoned his jeans and yanked the zipper down. A shiver ran down my spine and somersaulted in my stomach as I reached in and pulled him out. I gasped as I felt him with my hands, hard and hot, wrapping one hand around him, and stroking gently.
"Jesus Christ … " he growled, sending a harsh shiver down my body. He dropped his head on my shoulder as I palmed him and he pressed his body into mine. "I-I fucking want you, Mac. I can't help it."
His voice was rough, low. It sounded sad almost and it was then reality came crashing inside me. I was only hurting him more, leading him on to think this would change things. It wouldn't. I couldn't. Not to William.
What the hell am I doing?
"Alex … " I began, dropping my hands and looking up at him, but he wouldn't look at me. "I can't … " I pushed against his chest, his eyes finally locking on mine. "I'm sorry. You have to go."
"Mac, please … " He adjusted himself and zipped his pants back up. He was soaking wet and begging me to give in-to give in to my feelings that I couldn't justify.
"No … get out. Please. This is wrong."
"How can what we feel for each other be wrong?"
I shook my head, suddenly feeling the need to cover myself up. I pushed him a little rougher, telling him to go. "You're drunk and have no idea what you're doing, Alex. I can't be what you want. Just go, please." He released me and stepped out of the shower. He looked at me, hurt and pleading and it nearly split my heart in two. "I'm sorry."
He gave me a light nod, his lips firm and tight. He grabbed the nearest towel and shook his hair out before turning around and leaving, slamming the door behind him.
Oh, god … what had I just done?
I SOBBED HEAVILY into the steam of the water that had now turned cold, but I didn't care. I deserved it.
I let reality slip for a moment and gave in to how I was feeling, not even bothering to care how this would change everything. How this would affect living under the same roof as the man who I apparently couldn't control myself around.
This was hell.
I rushed getting ready, needing to get out of there as soon as possible. I couldn't risk running into him, not before I had to go to work. I needed to clear my head and busy myself with the day's tasks.
I left the apartment successfully without running into Alex. I'd hoped he went to bed and slept off his hangover. At least I knew what he was doing last night and apparently, he was just coming home when he heard me in the shower.
Would he even remember it? The thought sickened my stomach for a moment before realizing I really hoped he wouldn't. Perhaps it would just be a secret that I knew, and I'd never tell.
I was going to try much harder at this avoiding him thing. He had just moved in and I was already failing miserably.
"Good morning, Mackenzie," Laura greeted with a half-smile.
"Morning, Laura. You're here early today." I looked up at her and smiled as I set my things down on my desk.
"It's Friday," she reminded me. Not that she needed to. I was counting on the chaos to distract me today. "First meeting is at eight sharp."
"See you then."
I had stopped for coffee and a bagel before coming into work. My assistant, Chelsea, wasn't even in yet, but that didn't prevent me from getting started right away.
The entire day went smoothly, but I was slammed. I hadn't been able to stop for more than ten minutes to eat lunch until two p.m., and by then, I was starving. Chelsea made sure to keep me hydrated and even gave me one of her Nutrigrain bars. I didn't usually work nonstop like this, but it kept my mind busy enough to not think about this morning.
"Are you all right, Mac?" she asked. "You've been going all day today and I'm starting to get worried."
"Yes, I'm all right." I flashed a smile in her direction. "Just got a lot going on, that's all."
"Okay." She nodded and then continued, "Have plans this weekend?"
I sucked in a sharp breath, remembering I'd be stuck in the apartment with Alex all weekend, and I was going to have to come up with some plan to avoid him. If I hadn't already humiliated myself this morning, I would just tell him to stay away, but I had a feeling that wouldn't work anyway. Alex was a very determined person.
"No, not really. William flew out this morning, so I'll probably just stay in. Maybe read and take a bath."
"Seriously?" She flashed an unimpressed look, raising a brow at me.
"What?"
"You're freaking Mackenzie Hewitt … you could do anything, go anywhere. And you're choosing to be cooped up in your apartment all weekend?"
She had a point. But I didn't really feel comfortable going out without William or close friends. I usually avoided the paparazzi as much as I could and the only way to do that was to stay under the radar.
"And what exactly do you think I should be doing?" I mocked, organizing my desk and getting ready to head out.
"Shit, anything! Jet to the Bahamas!"
"Oh my god," I said, laughing. "Is that how you see me? I'm sure that's how society sees me. Poor little gold-digging whore must use all her fiancé's money to travel and shop, right?"
She shot me a disapproving look and shook her head. "No, I didn't mean it that way. I just meant … you have so many opportunities."
"I know … I just don't feel right when it's not with William. Unless you wanna fly to the Bahamas with me?" I teased, shooting her an over exaggerated smile.
"God, I wish!"
I laughed, shaking my head at her. "I'll probably order in Chinese food, lay around in my PJ's, and watch sappy romance movies."
She narrowed her brows at me. "If only society knew what a real gold-digging whore you truly are," she said taunting me, amusement laced in her tone.
"Yup, they'd be so disappointed."
AS I WALKED to a cab after work, I texted Staci, Want to grab dinner tonight? I need out of the house.
If I couldn't use William as a shield, I'd need to come up with another plan. Staci always had my back. Although when I told her about ‘meeting' Alex at dinner last weekend and that he'd be moving in, she about died of laughter.
"I'm sorry, Mac. But the irony … the fact that the one time you mess up, it comes back to live with you."
"Yes, it's hilarious. Now can you stop laughing?"
"I'm trying … "
I knew she meant well, and if it had been her, I'd probably laugh, too. But it wasn't. It was my reality.
I was living in hell.
Before arriving at my building, my phone beeped with her response. Yes! Meet at 8?
Sounds good! Chinese or Italian? I texted back.
Her response came just as I walked into the elevator. I prefer an Englishman … oh, wait, you're asking about the food. Chinese then ;)
I hate you. See you at 8, I wrote back, shaking my head at her.
You love me.
I smiled as the elevator arrived at my floor. I know, I responded back.
I dropped the phone in my purse and tiptoed into the apartment, hoping Alex wasn't home or wouldn't hear me walk in. It was dark inside, so I flipped a few lights on before walking into the kitchen.
My eyes widened as I saw he was sitting at the breakfast bar with a glass of whiskey. William kept whiskey and wine in the apartment, but we normally had it with dinner.
It took two glances to really get a good look at him. He was hunched over, swirling the amber liquid in his hand as his eyes remained low. I wasn't sure what to make of it, so as planned, I walked past him and grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge. I closed the door and began walking out when he spoke up.
"Mac … " His voice was rough, almost as if it pained him to say my name aloud.
I spun around, leaving my eyes low as I answered him, "Yes?"
He didn't speak right away. He stood up and walked toward me, sending a shiver down my body. I hadn't expected him to get up. "I'm so sorry … I never should've-"
"Alex, stop," I cut in, shaking my head. He was right in front of me, his breath and clothes smelling heavily of alcohol. "You aren't the only one to blame."
"I don't know what it is about you. I feel this pull toward you. I can't stay away." His eyes met mine and I swallowed at his heavy confession.