Our first shower together was subdued and I could only imagine the playful experience it would’ve been had I not freaked him out. Whatever his thoughts, he was thinking them hard. Here I was, naked and wet, and he wasn’t even perving on me.
My mood wasn’t helped by the fact that I was starving. How many times did a girl have to put out before she got breakfast?
Deciding to take matters into my own hands, I gave Caleb a dirty look that didn’t seem to penetrate and stepped out of the shower. Screw him, his awful tattoo and his brooding. Wrapping a towel around my body, I found a pair of sweats and a tank top in his bag. Hotel room floors grossed me out, so I pulled on socks before going to the room’s phone.
With the guest directory binder in my lap, I sat down on the edge of the bed. Hearing Caleb leave the bathroom, I ignored him as he sat on the bed next to me. Without looking, I sensed he was still thinking too hard. Calling room service, I handed him the binder as I waited for someone to pick up.
After ordering waffles and orange juice, I looked to Caleb. He wore only a towel around his waist. He hadn’t dried off and I averted my eyes from the water droplets on his chest. I didn’t want to think happy thoughts about him.
“Same,” he said with an uncomfortable expression on his face. I knew it wasn’t the prospect of eating waffles bothering him.
I passed along the info to the woman on the other end of the phone and got an estimate on the wait time.
Not wanting to deal with it, but not willing to go through the anxiety of avoiding the subject, I asked breezily, “What has you looking so serious?”
“Us,” he answered, moving to his bag to pull out clothes. The expression I aimed for was supposed to convey bewilderment, but it faltered. Caleb sighed unhappily, coming back to sit next to me and taking one of my hands in both of his. He brushed his thumb back and forth against my knuckles.
“Gianna, I think we need to talk about what you said,” he paused before adding, “Last night and this morning.” His authoritative tone grated on my nerves.
“Why exactly do we need to discuss it?” This wasn’t easy for me and I wasn’t going to make it any easier for him.
His confidence visibly wavered as he ran a hand over his wet hair. “I care a lot about you. I just don’t think we should rush into all that other stuff.”
“All what other stuff?”
Caleb threw a hand in the air in agitation. “You know, all that love stuff.”
“All that love stuff,” I repeated tonelessly, wanting to simultaneously laugh and cry.
“Yes,” he rushed to say with a hint of relief, as if I’d somehow agreed. “It ruins relationships when people get all intense like that. Then people start to form unrealistic expectations and feelings get hurt. I mean, we’re having fun, right?”
“Tons,” I mocked him.
He gave me a grim look. “We’ve been good together. We have fun. Don’t you think it’d be stupid to mess with that?”
“Obviously you do,” I snapped, pulling my hand out of his clasp and folding my arms over my chest defensively. “I don’t want to pressure you into anything you’re not ready for, Caleb.”
The situation oozed with irony. I was a virgin up until last night and fearlessly transitioned into a sexual relationship with him. He was a player too terrified of love to admit to that aspect of our relationship.
I wasn’t imagining it, it was there. He was just being too stubborn to face up to it.
“I don’t want to hurt you, Gianna,” he assured me sincerely. At least there was that. “Like I said, I care a lot about you. I don’t want any other girls. I’m just not into the whole love thing.”
Love stuff.
Love thing.
Who was he kidding?
A person didn’t choose whether or not to love someone. Did he think I woke up one day and thought to myself, Wouldn’t it be so awesome to fall for my player stepbrother?
When I didn’t respond, Caleb grabbed my hand again. “Gianna. . . .”
This conversation was depressing. Even if I was the girl in this relationship, I didn’t want to be the girl in this relationship. I shuddered mentally at the thought of being whiny and clingy, always insecure and pushing for more.
No way was I begging for his love.
If he didn’t want my love, then fine. Let him have it his way for now. In the end, I knew what we had was special. Everything that brought us together, every moment we’d shared told me it was love.
For a long time Caleb had been living his life with fun being his ultimate goal. The way I saw it, Caleb didn’t realize a relationship based on casual fun, exclusive or not, wasn’t going to make him happy. His possessiveness and the amount of time he chose to spend with me showed he was too involved for casual to work.