Dane(88)

"It's not like that. Gabi and I are not together anymore."

"Listen, it's your life. Your choices and whatnot. But if I may offer you a piece of advice …  When Bill and I first got married, things were rough. My past hindered me, and he didn't know how to handle it. I suffered from depression-not to the extent of what you've told me about Gabi, but I still had moments where I hated myself for decisions I'd made or things that had happened to me outside of my control. He had a hard time accepting that was who I was. He didn't just marry me, but he married my baggage, too. We almost split up. He left for a month and stayed with a friend. But during that time, we learned to talk again. We learned to recognize what had made us fall in love with each other in the first place. Sometimes we forget why we chose the people in our lives, and we have to remind ourselves what we saw in them to begin with."

"With all due respect, Janette, I don't foresee myself falling in love with Gabi again. If I'm being honest with myself, and I think it's about time I am, I don't believe I was ever in love with her. I loved her, and I still do. I will always love her and care deeply about her wellbeing. But we were kids when we got together. I didn't know the first thing about love. A year after we started dating-we were in high school, mind you-she was attacked, and it left her feeling threatened. I took it upon myself to make her feel safe, even if it was only with me. I've been with her ever since because of that feeling. Wanting to protect her. I didn't stick it out because I thought she was the best thing that ever happened to me, but because I wanted to be the best thing that ever happened to her." 

Janette cleared her throat and glanced down at her clasped hands. "That's truly a sad story. Though I'm sure it'll all work out for the best, the way it's meant to. Just know if you ever need to talk to anyone, I'm here." Her eyes met mine, and what I saw reflecting back at me made my heart slow. "I have a feeling I might relate to you more than we ever thought."

"I appreciate that, Janette. I really do. And I'll keep that in mind the next time I need an ear. But right now, I think I'm going to take you up on that offer and get out of here." The thought of going back to my office didn't sit well with me. I knew I wouldn't be able to get anything done while staring at the closed door separating me from Eden.

I needed to get my shit in order before facing her again. Because she was right. I couldn't take my hurt feelings out on her. It wasn't fair to either one of us. I had to believe she was hurting as much as I was, and I had to hold onto faith that everything would work out the way it was meant to.



I must've been more tired than I realized, because I ended up sleeping most of the day. I woke up just before the sun went down, starving and feeling rejuvenated. Realizing there wasn't much food in the house, I made a TV dinner and then headed down to the beach. I only meant to go for a walk to clear my head, but I found myself thinking of Eden the entire time. So much that I ended up passing my condo on the way back and walked toward the pier. And once I got there, I realized I hadn't been able to breathe adequately until I found her red hair blowing in the gentle breeze.

Not wanting to alarm her, or scare her off, I watched my steps and made my way to her. She stood at the end, leaning over the railing, gazing off at the horizon. With my hands in my pockets, I stood there for a moment, capturing the sight like a photograph, taking a mental snapshot, unsure of when I'd be able to see it again.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" I asked, and then noticed her shoulders and spine stiffen.

Eden slowly turned around to face me. "I wasn't sure if you were going to be here, but I figured it was worth the chance to see the sunset from this place one last time."

I cocked my head, hoping I'd misunderstood her. "One last time?"

"I spoke to my landlord today about breaking my lease."

"Why? Where are you going?" I repeated, desperate for the answer.

"Heidi from legal is looking for a roommate. She's asked me several times, but I finally gave it some thought today." She spoke clearly, yet sounded so down.

I couldn't help but think I was the cause. "You don't have to leave, Eden."

"Yeah, I do. I can't be here anymore. I can see this spot from my apartment window, and I keep finding myself staring down, searching for you. I can't live like this. Working with you and living this close to you is too difficult. It seems to be hard on you, too."

I ran my palm down my face and tried to formulate the right words to say to her so she would understand how I felt without making her feel as though I was pressuring her. "If you have to move, then I understand. To be honest, I can't come out here without thinking of you, either. Working that closely with you and not being with you, or at least knowing I will be someday, is like a twisting knife in my chest. But I'm scared, Eden. I can't help but feel like you're completely pulling away from me. And if you do, then how am I supposed to prove anything to you?"