"Fine. I get that. I plan to be there for her if she needs me. I'm paying for the facility she'll be transferred to tomorrow. I'm going to make sure she has everything she needs-not only during treatment, but also when she gets out. Therapy. A place to live. She doesn't have to do it by herself. But why can't we be together in the meantime?"
"People leave." It may have been a whisper, but it was enough to tear me apart. "Everyone leaves, Dane. I told you … they don't stick around. And it's only a matter of time before Gabi gets better, and then you'll realize how much you've missed her-the healthy version of her. How much you want her back. I've listened to you countless times talk about how you stuck it out because you were waiting for her to come back to you. You knew the girl you'd fallen in love with was still in there, and you were waiting for her to find that light again. I can't sit around and fall for you harder and deeper every day, knowing in a matter of time, you'll choose her. And I never want you to stay with me out of obligation the way you did her. You need to sort through all this, Dane. Give yourself the freedom to breathe without a relationship hanging around your neck. Make sure your decisions are the best ones for all three of us-you, me, and Gabi."
I pulled her body closer to mine until she slid off the cushion and into my lap. With my arms around her waist, hers around my neck, I buried my face into her hair. "That's not going to happen. I know you're scared, but like I told you the other night … I'm not going anywhere. This is where I want to be, and nothing will ever change that."
"You don't know that. You can't make those kinds of promises until you see it out. Until Gabi gets better and you see her for the girl she used to be. The girl you fell for when you were a teenager. The one you've been waiting to come back to you. Until you see who she is, who you are, on the other side of this, it's not fair to any of us to pursue this."
"So what does this mean?" I asked with my forehead against hers. "Do we still talk? Do I still get to see you? How are we supposed to act around each other? How am I supposed to be near you and not touch you, not kiss you, not tell you how miserable I am without you?"
"I don't know. I don't have those answers. But I'm sure we'll figure it out. I mean, I'm still technically your assistant, and before all this started, we agreed we would act professional around one another. You're my boss. I'm your employee. Remember? Maybe we can go back to that and pretend this weekend never happened."
"No. Hell no. I'm not pretending anything. This weekend did happen, and I can't act like it didn't."
"Okay, fine. We don't pretend anything. But we keep it to ourselves. No one at the office knows, so we're fine there. We just go about our days like we've always done-except in a more professional manner. No more personal information. Strictly business."
"What if I can't do that?"
She hesitated for a moment, and it gave me the chance to see the destruction in her eyes. The haze of sorrow clouding her green irises until they were so dark I couldn't discern their exact color. "Then I either transfer to another department or I resign. I don't want to lose my job-I love what I do-but if I have to leave, then I will. Please, don't make me give up everything."
"I'm not making you give up anything. That's all you."
"I'm not saying we'll never be together. But I need to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are where you want to be. I'd rather know it took us a year longer to end up together and that it's right than rush and be destroyed by it. If you can't do that while working with me, then yes, you are making me give up everything. I'll only leave if you make this harder than it has to be. I'm trying to compromise here. I'm trying to find a way for us both to get what we want."
"And what is that, Eden? Huh? Because I'm not understanding how ending this thing between us is what either of us wants. I'm begging you to change your mind. You're threatening to not only walk away from this relationship, but to also walk away from your job. Forever."
She cupped my cheeks and stared into my eyes. "I don't want to lose you. I know this will be hard for us both. I know it'll take some adjustment and rules and boundaries … but if it means I still get to have you in my life in some respect, then I'm willing to take it. If it means on the other side of this, I know you chose me, that we're happy, and you've resolved your issues with Gabi, then I'm willing to deal with the discomfort now. If you can't handle that, then I won't have any other choice but to walk away."