"You can't say that. Because you were with Gabi when you didn't want to be. You've told me that many times. From where I stand, you only left her because she gave you a reason to. You came to me, realized you wanted to be with me, because you were no longer tethered to her. But all that was a lie. The out she gave you wasn't valid. You only thought so because you didn't know the whole truth."
"That doesn't change anything. It doesn't mean I don't want to be with you just because my reasons for leaving were a misunderstanding."
Eden removed her hands from mine and scooted away from me on the couch, adding distance between us. "You just admitted to me that you blame yourself. You said had you listened to her in the first place, she wouldn't have tried to kill herself. To me, that means you wouldn't have left her, and had you not done that, you wouldn't have come to me."
Her words ate at me. I could see where she had gotten that from, but it couldn't have been further from the truth. "That's not true-she still lied, and while she may not have attempted suicide if I had stayed to listen, it doesn't mean I wouldn't have still left. Did you not listen to anything I said to you the other night? I meant every word, Eden. I was with her for all the wrong reasons. I'm sorry it took you to open my eyes to that, but it doesn't change anything. It shouldn't matter why or how I left … all that should matter is that I did. I left her and came to you, where I want to be."
"None of this matters," she said with her hand held up between us, keeping me from arguing with her. "Gabi needs help. We both know that, and hopefully, she realizes that, as well. I pray she can get it and become a stronger person, capable of dealing with things in a healthier manner. And while she's doing that, I think you should allow yourself to process everything that's happened."
"This is absurd. You want to press pause on this thing between us because I went to the hospital this morning before coming here?" I couldn't fathom her reasons. They made no sense. And I wouldn't give in, no matter what excuse she came up with.
"No. It's not only that-it's everything. Dane, everything changed when you found out the truth. You were arrested for avenging her, playing the hero to defend her honor. Don't get me wrong. He probably deserved worse than a broken nose and a concussion. But that doesn't change what you did. You have always tried to protect her, and you're still trying to do that. It's obvious you need to tie up loose ends and deal with the circumstances."
I stood and began to pace the room while she remained on the couch and tracked my movement with her eyes. "You're wrong, Eden. I went after him because of what he did to someone I lo-care about."
"You love her."
I dropped my head and released a frustrated growl. "Yes. And I always will. You can't expect me to be with her for as long as I was, share everything I did with her, and just stop loving her simply because my heart isn't in it anymore."
"I never said I expected you to. All I'm saying is you do. Trust me, I fully understand the feelings you have toward her and that you can't turn them off like a light switch. I also don't expect you to know how you truly feel about either of us days after walking out on that relationship. Days after finding out horrific things about her you never knew before."
"You act like I walked away from her and ran straight to you."
"Isn't that what you did?"
"No." I fell to the floor at her feet and held onto her hips. I would beg if I had to. "I didn't run from her to you. I've had one foot out the door for years now … except I didn't realize it until you walked into my life. I thought how I felt with Gabi was normal because I didn't know any different, that it's how everyone feels when they're in a long-term relationship-especially one embedded with as much grief as Gabi and I had to endure. You helped me see that I wasn't truly living. I've wanted you from day one, Eden. Only I didn't know it. I refused to admit it to myself because it made me feel like I was betraying Gabi."
"Well, if that's true, then you'll still want to be with me when she gets better."
I squeezed her hips, frustrated at her persistence over ending what we'd only just started. "Why are you doing this? The truth, Eden. Tell me why you're so adamant to push me away. This isn't about Gabi. You and I both know it."
She straightened her spine and inhaled deeply, releasing it in a painfully slow exhale. "It is about her. And you. And me. She's been through enough already. Don't you think she deserves to have support while dealing with this? If what you said is true, and she has held this secret in for practically half her life, then that means she has a steep uphill battle to conquer. And she shouldn't face that alone."