"I just don't want to spend a night without you," I pleaded, hoping I'd wear her down.
"I think you've been in a relationship for too long and you don't know how to be by yourself. That's what scares me, if I'm being honest." She licked her lips and glanced down at her fingers, mindlessly scratching my jaw. "Actually, if I'm really being honest, the thought has crossed my mind that you're using me as a replacement for Gabi. I'm worried that during this transitional time in her life, I'm filling a void, occupying a space that rightfully belongs to her."
I leaned away and regarded her as if I could draw out the answers to my unasked questions without either of us ever speaking a word. "Please tell me you're kidding."
"No, Dane, I'm not. You told me yesterday how you'd made up your mind on the way home from Texas. You got home and you were going to leave her. But then she picked a fight and you ended up staying. In that same conversation, you tried to convince me-and probably yourself-that it was the right decision. Less than twenty-four hours later, you come to work with a bag packed after walking out on her. I get why you did it. I'm not saying I blame you. But look at this from my perspective. You didn't want to be with me enough to leave. And now that you've finally ended things-not because you chose to, but because of something she did-now you want me. I know that's not what happened. I can see it in your eyes, and I've always seen it when you look at me … but it makes me feel like I wasn't chosen. Like had you not found out she'd lied, you wouldn't be here. You'd still be with her. And now that you're not, you came to me … the placeholder."
I leaned into her, slightly hovering with my face so close to hers I could feel her exhales on my chin. "Listen, Eden … I need you to understand-"
"No." She covered my lips with her fingers, cutting me off. "I do understand. I know the situation you were in and the reasons for your choices. I get it. I also know the way you look at me … the way you make me feel when I'm around you. I see the smile on your face when we're together and the absence of light in your eyes when you talk about her. Trust me … I do understand. But even though I know the truth, it doesn't make me feel any better."
"What would make you feel better?"
"Time. That's it. Day by day, just prove to me you're not going anywhere."
"That's what I'm trying to do, Eden. But you won't let me."
"Shacking up together doesn't prove you won't leave. You were living with Gabi, yet you walked out the door this morning. I lived with my ex, but that didn't stop him from kicking me out and moving in his new girl. We can ease into this, Dane. It would be best for everyone involved."
I nodded, realizing what she meant. Wanting to live with her was selfish. It was nothing more than me craving to be with her every day, regardless of how ridiculous that idea was. Eden needed proof, so that's what I'd give her. I'd give her time and show her with actions what she meant to me.
"I'm sorry." I kissed her forehead and settled into the mattress with my arm slung over her hip. "I've never been an impatient person. My whole life has been about business-offering what I have to those who could benefit from it, while taking pleasure in knowing I was able to help. It was the same with Gabi. I honestly don't remember the last time I had a personal life. One that didn't involve business decisions. I'm not used to sitting back and waiting for things to happen."
"That's not true. You sat back and waited for Gabi to come around."
I hated that she saw my relationship that way. Because that's not how I saw it. "Actually, Gabi was more like the pot of water that refused to boil. So figuratively speaking, I put her on the back burner while I went on with business. Yes, I did wait for her to come around, but I continued to live. Even if it was mundane and played on repeat. I woke up, went to work to put out fires, and then went home to clean up messes. I kept to myself and survived the only way I knew how."
"That sounds lonely." Her voice was soft and sad.
I didn't want her to be sad. "It was, but ever since I met you, I haven't been. You brought me back to life, Eden. It's like I had flatlined, and now that I'm awake and can appreciate each day, I want to live every one to the fullest. I don't want to waste a day without you. I know you think I'm insane for wanting to 'shack up' with you and you think it's too early or rushed or that I'm doing it because I'm not used to being alone. But that's not true. It's because I finally feel alive and have a deep desire to live."