"And you could do the same to me," I pointed out. I understood her need for self-preservation because a part of me felt the same way. I couldn't explain it. I'd never really been concerned about being hurt before. Maybe that was because I never worried about Gabi breaking my heart. Even after what she did, my heart wasn't beyond repair. I was angry, but not destroyed. There was something about Eden that made it real to me-that I could experience the devastation of a failed relationship.
"Has anyone ever left you? Like just walked out of your life? Gotten what they wanted and left?" she asked with a hint of concern in her voice.
"No. I can't say I've ever experienced that. But I do have people in my life who should've walked away. They are still in my life, but they don't truly know me. They've never cared to delve deeper in my life beyond the surface. To them, I'm merely a distant relative instead of their child."
She moved her hands to my face and began to stroke my scruff with her palms. Her eyes were full of emotion I couldn't put my finger on. Sympathy maybe. Or possibly fear. It was hard to tell. "Do you ever want a family?"
"Of course I do. Why?"
She shrugged, but for once, never lost eye contact with me. "You were with Gabi for twelve years and you never got married. It took you eleven years to propose. And aside from the baby you lost … you've never had children. So I guess I was wondering if that was by choice or just the way it happened."
I didn't want to spend my weekend discussing Gabi, but her question was reasonable. I could see why she would ask. "Honestly, it's not that I didn't want to get married or have kids, but I guess I never really felt like it was the right time before. Maybe, somewhere deep inside, I knew I hadn't met the right person to share those things with."
She pulled on the sides of my face until our lips met. We were both as naked as the day we were born and feeling her body against mine made me hard again. I didn't think I'd ever get enough of Eden, but I certainly didn't want her to think that's all I was after. So I kissed her for a minute before letting go and falling to the side. I wrapped my arm around her waist and tugged her into me, tucking her back against my chest.
Feeling at peace with her in my arms, I spoke without thinking of the words before they were out. "We should get a place together. I'll sell my condo, you can break your lease, and we'll find our own place."
Her body stiffened and I was pretty sure she'd quit breathing. "That's a horrible idea, Dane."
I couldn't disagree with her … but I didn't think the idea was horrible. "I just hate the thought of not having you next to me when I'm in bed. This is too comfortable to give up."
"There's this thing couples do called staying over at each other's places. We don't have to move in together to share a bed at night."
"But then I can't take care of you."
She wrangled out of my hold and turned to face me. "I don't need you to take care of me. I'm perfectly capable of providing for myself. I won't allow myself to be dependent on anyone else ever again." Her eyes softened when she placed her hand on my shoulder and shifted until our bodies were closer. "But that doesn't mean we can't be together."
I wanted to be everything for her. It didn't make any sense, but I did. Maybe it was because I was so used to being responsible for someone else that I didn't know what to do if I wasn't. I was used to going home after work and having someone be there. Even if Gabi was depressed most of the time, I knew I wasn't going home to an empty place. The thought of being alone didn't bother me. What bothered me was not going home to Eden. Knowing she'd be at her place and I'd be at mine. I didn't want to be that far away from her.
"We can split the bills right down the middle. That way it won't be a one-way street, but I'll still get to see you every day and sleep with you every night. You can't leave my office and expect me to be okay only seeing you a few nights a week. I can't go from eight hours a day, Monday through Friday, to dinners and a few sleepovers."
As she spoke, she gently caressed my skin with the tips of her fingers. "After my last breakup, I swore I wouldn't live with someone else again until I was married. And it's way too early to talk about that. So let's just keep things the way they are, and we'll figure the rest out. Normal people don't leave their fiancée, go home with their assistant, and then move in together all in one day."
My grandmother always told me you'd know when you find the right person. She said she just knew when she met my grandfather that he was the one. It really didn't make any sense to me until Eden. I thought Gabi was the one. I tried desperately to believe that, but spending five seconds with Eden made me question everything, and I suddenly understood what Grans was talking about. I knew I'd marry Eden. And for the first time in my life, the thought of waiting burned a hole in my chest.