To help pass the weekend, knowing I wouldn't be able to see Eden for two days and needing something to do with my time, I made an appointment to get another tattoo. I'd discussed it with the guy who'd done all my ink since moving home after college. I didn't need to see his sketch before Saturday, because I knew it'd be flawless. It was an entire side piece that would take up both days in his chair. I needed Eden to trust me and take me back before I was covered from head to toe in ink. At this point, I was desperate to do anything to fill my time away from her.
As of right now, I had scheduled my realtor to show me more options after work on Friday, the two sessions over the weekend for my new tattoo, and then another visit with Gabi Monday morning. Yet it still wasn't enough to keep me from losing my mind.
My texts to Eden had progressed from telling her to marry me and grow old with me to asking her to have my children. That was the last one I'd sent her, less than an hour after work on Wednesday. At least that one earned me a response. An emoji. Not just any emoji, though. A little yellow confused face. I replied with a little yellow baby and a baby bottle. She apparently didn't feel the need to continue that conversation.
"Well … I guess since you're busy, I'll just head to my office."
"Sounds like a plan, Dane," she replied without taking her eyes off her computer screen.
I knew I was probably pushing my luck, but I couldn't help it. Throughout the rest of the day, I'd called her into my office for every little thing. By lunch, she'd started to ask me the level of importance to what I needed her for. By three o'clock, she was telling me to just email her. And by four, she stopped answering my calls altogether.
When she came in Friday morning, she headed straight to my desk and handed me a notebook and pen.
"From now on, anytime you need something from me, write it down. If it's a pressing matter that needs my attention immediately, call me. If not, make yourself a note and ask me all at once when you see me."
"I never ask you for anything that's not a pressing matter." I tried to keep a straight face.
I failed.
And so did she.
"Dane, calling me in here to ask what the weather will be like this weekend isn't considered urgent. Write it down or look it up yourself."
"Well, it's urgent if I have to make plans," I muttered under my breath.
All she did was shake her head and walk away.
Friday was a repeat of Thursday, although when she started ignoring my calls before lunch, I had to resort to her method of making notes and asking her all at once. That took all the fun out of it.
"So I'll see you Monday?" she asked after checking in with me for the last time of the day.
"Yeah, but I'll be late again. So I'll need you to handle any emails that come in flagged as important. And any calls that can't wait for me to get in. You shouldn't have any, but in case something comes up with the San Diego Mom buyback next week, I just want to make sure you're on the lookout."
"You have a meeting Monday morning?"
"Uh … " I stumbled on my words, not expecting her to question why I'd be late. I'd gotten so used to her not asking me anything for fear of crossing the employer-employee relationship, that she caught me off guard. "I'll be visiting Gabi at the clinic."
Had I not been paying attention, I would've missed the way her shoulders drooped.
"Eden, it's-"
"Stop, Dane." She held up her hand to silence me. "I don't need to know. You'll be late on Monday, and I have to watch out for flagged emails and take important calls. That's all I need to know. Have a great weekend. I'll see you when you get in on Monday." And just like that, she was gone.
I didn't wait around the office. I finished what I was doing, closed my computer down, and left. Rather than heading home to sit there alone, I met up with the realtor at the first house he wanted to show me. I knew as soon as I parked in the driveway I wasn't interested. But I was in no rush, so I looked around as if it had potential before moving on to the next.
Three houses later, I parked behind him in front of a house that caught my attention immediately. It was on a corner lot with the garage facing one street and the front door facing the other. The driveway and path leading to the front, as well as the porch, were pavers brick. The lawn was thick and green, well taken care of, and so was the rest of the exterior. For the first time since this house hunting thing started, I finally felt excitement.
The interior was smaller than most of the ones he'd shown me, but still enough room to raise a family. And as if that wasn't enough, my decision was solidified as soon as we stepped out into the back yard. It sloped toward a wide lake, sand taking over halfway down. Wooden planks led a path from the edge of the grass to a dock that extended out about twenty feet into the water. It was my very own pier, and I couldn't wait to watch the sky change colors with the sunset while holding Eden in my arms.
"I want to put in an offer," I said while staring off across the lake.
"You haven't even seen the rest of the house." He laughed, as if I were joking.
I wasn't. "I don't need to see it. You said the owners are out and looking for a quick closing date?"
"Yes." He checked his notepad and nodded. "That's correct."
"Fantastic. Because so am I. I'm ready to move in now. Tell them I'll pay the asking price in cash."
I turned around and grew lost in the view while he paced the yard with his phone pressed against his ear. Truth be told, with as under budget as this house was, I'd hoped a cash purchase would speed the process along.
I couldn't wait to move in.
Before I knew it, we were in the kitchen signing paperwork, and I was writing him a check of good faith. He laughed at me and told me I didn't need to give them that much-half of the asking price-but I wasn't about to chance this sale falling through.
Leaving the house I'd hoped to soon share with Eden, I took out my phone and sent her a text.
Move in with me.
As expected, she didn't reply.
Sitting next to Gabi on a couch in an office at the facility, I found myself more nervous than ever before. It'd only been a week since I'd last seen her, but I knew this visit would be different. This would be the last one. There were things that needed to be said, and I wouldn't leave until we'd both gotten everything out on the table.
Dr. Thomas once again started the conversation by talking about how well Gabi had been doing, and how much stronger she had become in the two weeks since arriving. He attributed a lot of that to her inner strength, as well as the support I'd shown her over the years.
What surprised me was when he stood and told us he'd allow us some time alone to talk about things. "I'll be right outside, Gabriella. If you feel overwhelmed and need some help, or need me to end the meeting, all you have to do is tell me. Okay?"
She nodded with a grin, while I watched with confusion as he let himself out.
"I have some things to tell you." Her voice was soft yet oddly confident.
"Before you do that, I need to say something first." I turned in my seat to face her. "I've been by your side through everything, and I have done it without an ounce of regret. I loved you, I do love you, and I will always love you, but it's not the kind of love you deserve. It's not the kind that will put a smile on your face or light you up from the inside out. I don't mean to say this to hurt you. Lord knows that's the last thing I want to do. But I think I tie you to your past. I keep you there with those dark demons. And you deserve to be freed from those binds."
She stared at the wall across the room, and I waited patiently for her to show me her eyes again. Her shoulders rose slowly with each exaggerated breath, and then she faced me once more. Her eyes were filled with tears as more fell down her cheeks. My heart broke at the sight. I was a man who couldn't handle watching a woman cry. And for the first time, I had no idea how to comfort her. I had no words.
She settled into the chair and smiled. I became even more confused.
"I'm so relieved to hear you say that, Dane. I was so worried about all this. I love you, I honestly do. But therapy has helped me understand so much. I've learned a lot and it makes me sad for myself that I hadn't done that sooner."
"I don't understand, Gabi."
She smiled again and then rested her hand over mine on the cushion between us. "I have spent the last decade clinging to you as if you were my lifeline. Waiting for you to save me like I was on life support. I didn't have anyone else. You were it. Though my feelings for you are as real as the air I breathe, I have turned that air into pollution with my dependency on you. I've dragged myself down and taken you with me."
I found myself holding on to her every word, waiting on the edge of my seat for her to continue.