I ran my palm down my face and tried to formulate the right words to say to her so she would understand how I felt without making her feel as though I was pressuring her. "If you have to move, then I understand. To be honest, I can't come out here without thinking of you, either. Working that closely with you and not being with you, or at least knowing I will be someday, is like a twisting knife in my chest. But I'm scared, Eden. I can't help but feel like you're completely pulling away from me. And if you do, then how am I supposed to prove anything to you?"
"You're the one who wants me to blindly trust you. That's the only thing I've said you'd have to prove to me. Whether you earn my trust or you wait until Gabi is on her feet again … it's still going to take time. We can't rush this without it falling apart or blowing up in our faces. Instead of obsessing over this, put yourself to good use and do what needs to be done to get what you want."
I took a step closer and boxed her in with my arms. "I am doing what you asked. Can you please do what I'm asking and not completely remove yourself from my life? Give me something."
"If you're so sure you won't choose her, then you don't need to see me every day. Weekdays will be enough."
I shook my head, frustrated with her reluctance to give in. "Five days a week will never be enough. I'm scared I won't see you ever."
"Do you love her?"
My gaze dropped to our feet as I slowly whispered, "Yes. But-"
"Then you both deserve to see where things will go from here."
My head snapped up and we locked eyes. I didn't look away the entire time I spoke. "You're not asking the right question. What you should be asking is if I'm in love with her. Which my answer is no, and I likely never have been. I can still love her without ever being with her again. I can love her and know with complete certainty that I never want to be with her again. And that has nothing to do with you. Even if you told me right here, right now, that we don't stand a chance, that you've made up your mind and we don't have a future, I still wouldn't go back to her. We're not good together. I can care about her and want what's best for her without being with her-that's what friends do. And the truth is, that's what we've always been."
She stared at me as if pondering what I'd said, but I couldn't let it go with that.
"Ask me if I care about you."
She tucked her chin to her chest and said, "I don't need to, Dane."
Putting my finger beneath her chin, I lifted it and forced her to make eye contact with me. "Ask me."
With a slight huff, she conceded. "Do you care about me?"
"More than you know. Now ask if I love you."
"No. I won't ask that, and you shouldn't say it."
"Why not?"
She jerked her head to the side, making my hand fall, and then straightened her spine, meeting my gaze once more. "Because you just admitted that you're capable of loving someone without being tied to them."
"That's not what I said. Don't put words in my mouth."
"Fine. But you admitted to loving another woman. I don't want to be one on a list. I already know you care about me. And you're absolutely right, Dane-there's a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone, but in order for the latter to be true, there has to be more than a deep friendship and one night of passion."
There were so many things about Eden I found attractive, but none more than her confidence when she got riled up. "Fine, but when you hear those words come from my mouth, know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I'm in love with you. There will be no question. You will listen to me. And you will believe me."
"I'm sure that when that time comes, you won't have to tell me. I'll already believe it."
I kissed her forehead and then took a step away to give her space. I wanted more than her forehead, but I wasn't about to press my luck. I no longer felt that she was fighting me or pushing me away. I could see clearly that this was simply her defense mechanism, protecting herself from getting hurt and trying to give me what she had repeatedly told me I deserved-happiness-even if that came without her. The truth was, she cared about me enough to make my happiness her priority, and that was worth waiting for. And for the first time since our talk in her living room yesterday, I found a sliver of hope. I would hold onto it and use it in my favor.
If she wanted proof, then I'd give her proof.
And in return, I'd gain her trust.
Her love.
Her everything.
Even though her lips didn't move, I could see the smile in her eyes. "Pull another stunt like you did this morning, and I won't give you the courtesy of a two-week notice. I mean it, Dane. And don't even think about planning out-of-state business meetings that involve hotel rooms. If you have any of those, you're flying solo."
"Duly noted. And while we're doling out rules here. No more skirts. From now on, your dress code is pants only. And I'm rethinking letting you wear sleeveless tops. I'll let you know later about how I feel about your hair, makeup, and the Monroe."
Finally, she quirked a small smile. "You said it was mandatory to show my ink and wear the Monroe."
"Yeah, and now I'm rethinking it. It's a little hard to see your half-sleeve without imagining the rest of it. And I can't imagine the rest of it without picturing you naked. And every time I look at the Monroe, I can't help but remember how it caught the light in your room when I made you come."
She held up her hand to stop me. "See? This is not a professional conversation you should be having with your employee."
"Good thing we're not at the office."
"And this just proves why I have to move."
I ran my finger along her jaw to her chin. "You can make me keep quiet about my thoughts, but you can't make them go away. Just know that whenever I look at you, I'm thinking about being inside you. I'm thinking about making you scream my name while coming on my cock." I took one step closer. "And when you're locked in your office … " I lowered my lips to her ear, taking notice of how her breath hitched as I did so. "Just know that I'll be thinking of you in my arms. I'll be picturing the way we'll look together when we're fifty, sixty, seventy years old. I'll be imagining the smile on your face when we say our vows to each other, and the look in your eyes when you're pregnant with my children."
She released an audible sigh and placed her hand on my chest to hold me off.
I leaned away and regarded her, even though she avoided eye contact. However, the pink hue that had tinted her cheeks didn't go unnoticed. "So move if you have to, if seeing this pier is too much for you. Close the office door if you need to. I'm okay with that, because I know it won't last. I know that one day, you're going to live with me, and there won't ever be a reason for you to shut me out again."
With that, I turned around and walked away, leaving her with my thoughts.
And taking her in mine.
20
Standing on my balcony Friday morning and looking out over the horizon, I watched as the sky began to show the first signs of life. Over the past week, this had become my routine before getting ready for work. If I leaned over the banister enough, I could see the pier. Although, I never saw Eden there, and I knew I wouldn't ever see her there again.
In the few days since our meeting on the pier, things seemed to be settling down. We remained completely professional at work, only interacting when it was business related. However, in the evenings, when she wasn't on the clock, I allowed myself to send her one text message. I'd sent two since our momentous conversation, both saying the same thing.
Marry me.
She hadn't responded to either text, and the one time she'd tried to bring it up at work, asking me, "Were you drinking last night when you sent me that text," I simply told her that was a personal question that didn't belong in the workplace. She hadn't asked about it since, nor had she given me an answer.
I went back inside and took a look around. The furniture, picture frames on the wall, all the way down to the television set in the living room were picked out by Gabi. Despite years of living here, this place wasn't mine. There wasn't one thing in here that belonged to me. Realizing that, I knew exactly what to do.
Instead of going to my office first, I made a stop at legal. I sat down at Heidi's desk and told her what I needed, hoping she'd be able to help. "Well, that's not my general scope of the law, but I'm sure we can get something drawn up. Are you sure that's what you want to do?"
I nodded, feeling hopeful. "The sooner the better. I'm supposed to go see her on Monday, and I'd like to have all this wrapped up by then." I didn't know why I hadn't thought about it sooner, but I was just happy I'd realized it when I did.