"Seriously, Dane. You look like hell. You should go home, get some more sleep, and come back tomorrow. Don't worry … after spending the weekend in jail and dealing with Gabi being in the hospital, no one will question your absence." She didn't even wait for me to take a seat at her desk before offering advice that only served in beating me down.
"I spent most of yesterday afternoon cleaning up the mess Gabi had made of the place. By the time I got to bed, I couldn't sleep. And then my morning routine was interrupted by getting Gabi admitted to the clinic."
"Okay … so go home."
I hadn't given it any thought until now. Aside from the few times I had to leave early to tend to Gabi when she was distressed and couldn't handle life on her own, I'd never missed work. The thought never crossed my mind to take a sick day, and the more I contemplated it, the more resolved I became to the idea.
"I just might do that. But before I go, I need to talk to you about a few things. I understand the need to portray me as some worried fiancé and to paint Gabi as my wife-to-be, but at some point, you're going to have to set that record straight. And I don't know how it'll look if people believe I left her after all this."
"I don't know what you mean, Dane. I wasn't aware you two weren't together."
I nodded and waited a beat before explaining. "I ended it with Gabi, and then Eden and I decided to try to make a go of things. But now with what happened this weekend, with Gabi trying to kill herself and now needing treatment and therapy, Eden has decided to cool things off."
"So what do you want me to do with that information? To be honest, I'm pretty sure without charges being brought against you, the story will die. I don't expect to have to make any more statements about it, so there's really no need to set anything straight."
"Okay. I just wanted to make sure you weren't planning on calling her my future wife or anything again. In the event Gabi hears it or reads it somewhere, I can't risk it planting any seeds in her head."
"I'm confused. Does she not know it's over?"
I rolled my eyes, but decided to answer her anyway. "Yes, she knows."
"Would you leaving her for another woman have anything to do with why she went to the hospital?"
"She doesn't know about Eden." I realized that while I didn't owe Janette an explanation, giving her half of one wouldn't benefit me either, so I decided to offer her more. "We had a fight and I left. I wasn't aware of it at the time, but that night she tried to commit suicide. It was more than just me leaving her, but she had no idea I was with anyone else after I left."
"Dane," she said with a tsk. "Please don't tell me you were involved with your assistant prior to that."
"No. Actually, I wasn't. We'd grown close at work and I'd seen her a few times outside the office. She lives down the beach from me, and occasionally, I'd see her there-unplanned. And we ended up developing feelings for one another. Neither one of us ever admitted them or even acted on them until last week after I left Gabi."
She was quiet for a minute, absorbing what I'd admitted. Then she leaned forward and clasped her hands together in front of her on the desk. "And this thing with you and Eden … is it still going on? I'm only asking so I know how to handle the situation in the event it causes issues at the office."
"No, it's not. She made the decision yesterday to put it on hold until I have everything figured out with Gabi. I'm still taking care of Gabi financially until she can get on her feet. I don't think it's right to throw her out there all alone with no help, and Eden is worried I'll change my mind and stay with Gabi once she's better."
She nodded, and her silence continued.
"And while we're on the subject of Eden. Can you please explain why you didn't call her when I asked you to? I used my one phone call to contact you and then you didn't do as I asked." This had been eating away at me and I hadn't had a chance until now to confront her over it.
"My heart went out to Gabi, so I didn't call Eden. I knew there was something brewing between you and Eden, and I wanted to protect you. I'm sorry, but it's my job to uphold your reputation, and I couldn't do that while you had a fiancée in the hospital and a girlfriend on the side. I figured Eden would find out at work today."
"It's not like that. Gabi and I are not together anymore."
"Listen, it's your life. Your choices and whatnot. But if I may offer you a piece of advice … When Bill and I first got married, things were rough. My past hindered me, and he didn't know how to handle it. I suffered from depression-not to the extent of what you've told me about Gabi, but I still had moments where I hated myself for decisions I'd made or things that had happened to me outside of my control. He had a hard time accepting that was who I was. He didn't just marry me, but he married my baggage, too. We almost split up. He left for a month and stayed with a friend. But during that time, we learned to talk again. We learned to recognize what had made us fall in love with each other in the first place. Sometimes we forget why we chose the people in our lives, and we have to remind ourselves what we saw in them to begin with."
"With all due respect, Janette, I don't foresee myself falling in love with Gabi again. If I'm being honest with myself, and I think it's about time I am, I don't believe I was ever in love with her. I loved her, and I still do. I will always love her and care deeply about her wellbeing. But we were kids when we got together. I didn't know the first thing about love. A year after we started dating-we were in high school, mind you-she was attacked, and it left her feeling threatened. I took it upon myself to make her feel safe, even if it was only with me. I've been with her ever since because of that feeling. Wanting to protect her. I didn't stick it out because I thought she was the best thing that ever happened to me, but because I wanted to be the best thing that ever happened to her."
Janette cleared her throat and glanced down at her clasped hands. "That's truly a sad story. Though I'm sure it'll all work out for the best, the way it's meant to. Just know if you ever need to talk to anyone, I'm here." Her eyes met mine, and what I saw reflecting back at me made my heart slow. "I have a feeling I might relate to you more than we ever thought."
"I appreciate that, Janette. I really do. And I'll keep that in mind the next time I need an ear. But right now, I think I'm going to take you up on that offer and get out of here." The thought of going back to my office didn't sit well with me. I knew I wouldn't be able to get anything done while staring at the closed door separating me from Eden.
I needed to get my shit in order before facing her again. Because she was right. I couldn't take my hurt feelings out on her. It wasn't fair to either one of us. I had to believe she was hurting as much as I was, and I had to hold onto faith that everything would work out the way it was meant to.
I must've been more tired than I realized, because I ended up sleeping most of the day. I woke up just before the sun went down, starving and feeling rejuvenated. Realizing there wasn't much food in the house, I made a TV dinner and then headed down to the beach. I only meant to go for a walk to clear my head, but I found myself thinking of Eden the entire time. So much that I ended up passing my condo on the way back and walked toward the pier. And once I got there, I realized I hadn't been able to breathe adequately until I found her red hair blowing in the gentle breeze.
Not wanting to alarm her, or scare her off, I watched my steps and made my way to her. She stood at the end, leaning over the railing, gazing off at the horizon. With my hands in my pockets, I stood there for a moment, capturing the sight like a photograph, taking a mental snapshot, unsure of when I'd be able to see it again.
"It's beautiful, isn't it?" I asked, and then noticed her shoulders and spine stiffen.
Eden slowly turned around to face me. "I wasn't sure if you were going to be here, but I figured it was worth the chance to see the sunset from this place one last time."
I cocked my head, hoping I'd misunderstood her. "One last time?"
"I spoke to my landlord today about breaking my lease."
"Why? Where are you going?" I repeated, desperate for the answer.
"Heidi from legal is looking for a roommate. She's asked me several times, but I finally gave it some thought today." She spoke clearly, yet sounded so down.
I couldn't help but think I was the cause. "You don't have to leave, Eden."
"Yeah, I do. I can't be here anymore. I can see this spot from my apartment window, and I keep finding myself staring down, searching for you. I can't live like this. Working with you and living this close to you is too difficult. It seems to be hard on you, too."