"What happened, Gabi? I mean … what did you do to yourself? How did you get here?"
She stared at the gauze for a moment before pushing her hand beneath the blanket. She blinked away fresh tears and set her sights on the wall across the room. "I called Dr. Greiner, but he couldn't fit me in. He talked to me for a little bit, and then called me when he left work to check on me. I'd taken those pills he'd given me, like he suggested, but it wasn't taking the pain away. I thought if I could just get you to listen to me, it'd be okay. But you wouldn't answer your phone." Her face scrunched again, and I worried this was too much for her to talk about. But she continued anyway. "So I took more pills. And when that didn't work, I took more. I drank what was left of the vodka you always keep in the pantry, thinking that would numb it."
My eyes burned and I wanted to tell her to stop. I didn't think I could handle the rest, but I was frozen, unable to speak. I couldn't even form the words to tell her not to continue. But it didn't matter, because after she caught her breath, she kept talking.
"I don't remember much after that. Apparently, I called Dr. Greiner, thinking I was calling you. I don't remember doing that. I don't remember leaving the condo or getting to my car." She held up her wrist. "And I don't remember doing this."
"Promise me you'll do everything you can to get better," I begged her, hoping she could see in my eyes how much I meant it. No matter what had happened between us, I'd always care about her, and I needed her to understand that.
"What's the point, Dane? You left me. You don't want me anymore. I'm used up and worthless to you."
"That's not true. You're broken and beaten down, but that doesn't mean you can't change that. You're stronger than this. I know you are. Don't let him win. Don't let what he did to you keep you from living. He's won for twelve years, and it's time you put an end to the control he's had over you. And I never want to hear you say you're worthless again."
Gabi cleared her throat, making it known just how weak she was. "What does this mean for us?"
"We don't need to talk about that right now. It's not important."
"Yes, it is, Dane. It is important. I need to know I have a reason to get out of here."
"That reason should be your health. Not the status of our relationship. I've been your reason to live for too long now. I can't shoulder that kind of responsibility anymore. You should want to live for yourself, to give yourself a better life than the one you've had. You need to do it for you. No one else. Nothing else."
"I don't know if I can," she whispered.
Just then, a knock sounded at the door. I turned in my seat to find a man in a white coat. His salt-and-pepper hair made him appear to be in his fifties or early sixties, but the lack of wrinkles on his face lessened that age by about ten years.
"Good morning, Gabriella. How are you feeling?" He studied me as he spoke to Gabi, probably making sure I hadn't upset her. He obviously saw the tears and expression of distress on her face. "As long as everything goes well, you're looking at being discharged tomorrow. There are just a few things we need to discuss and go over first."
"So that's it?" I stood, falling right back into the protective role I'd always taken when it came to Gabi. "She tried to commit suicide and you're just going to release her tomorrow?"
"You must be Dane Kauffmann. I'm Dr. Clark." He extended his hand between us.
I took it but never lowered my eyes from his.
Dr. Clark turned to Gabi, but spoke to the both of us. "As we discussed, I strongly urge you to follow up with either your psychiatrist or an aftercare facility. There are several local rehabilitation clinics that I think you could benefit very well from."
"So you're leaving that up to her?" I couldn't calm my aggression if I tried.
With a gentle smile, he turned his attention to me. "If she's not presenting to be a threat to herself or others, we can't make her do anything. And after assessing her, we don't feel she falls into either category."
"She tried to kill herself a few days ago … and you're telling me she's not a continued threat to herself?"
"That's correct, Mr. Kauffmann. Although, we have advised her to seek additional treatment."
I faced Gabi with wide eyes, silently asking for her response. Instead of giving me one, she fidgeted with the blanket and dropped her gaze. I balled my hands into fists, fighting back my anger over the entire situation. She clearly needed deep psychological counseling, and it seemed I was the only one pushing for it.
"Please tell me you're going to go to one of these places, Gabi. You need to get help."
"They're expensive. I don't have any money."
"That's what's keeping you back? Money?" When I raised my voice, Dr. Clark settled a gentle hand on my arm to calm me down. It worked, but it didn't silence me. "Gabi, you have insurance, and you know I'll pay the rest. You don't have to worry about the financial aspect. All you need to worry about is getting better. Let me take care of the rest."
"You've done so much for me already. You've supported me my entire adult life. I can't ask you for money after you left me. You've made it very clear you don't want to be together anymore, so why would you do this?"
"Because I love you, Gabs."
"Not enough to stay."
I let out a huff of air and fell into the seat next to her bed. I dropped my head into my hands and tugged at my hair, more than frustrated with the circumstance. Looking at her, meeting her eyes, I said, "I told you we would discuss that later. Right now, the most important thing is getting you better. Healthy. We can worry about the other after you've gotten the help you need." I knew if I told her we were over for good, she'd never seek the attention she required.
"I don't want to ask-"
"You're not asking, Gabi. I'm offering. I'm begging." I turned to the doctor. "How do we get her in one of these places?"
"A caseworker will be happy to discuss the options with you and place some calls to see where she can get into immediately that accepts her insurance. If you'd like, I can have one of them come in and speak to you both about it."
Without looking to Gabi for approval, I said, "Please. That would be great."
He nodded with a smile. "I'll go get someone for you. And I'll be back later to check on you, Gabriella. In the meantime, you need to stay calm and rest."
Once the door closed, I took Gabi's hand again. "We're going to get you better, Gabs."
18
I had no intention of spending so long at the hospital, so once I made it home, I rushed through my shower. I ignored the disaster Gabi had left behind and focused on getting cleaned up in order to get to Eden's and explain everything that was going on. I was on the verge of losing control, and the only thing that would settle my fried nerves was a certain redhead.
Four hours after I called her, I finally made it to her apartment.
She opened the door and stood there, watching me with concern etched in her features. I didn't give her enough time to ask any questions or say anything. Unable to wait a second longer, I took her face in my hands and covered her lips with mine. It took her a moment to respond, and then her hands came up to grip the sides of my shirt. She held onto me with the same desperation that coursed through my veins.
"What happened?" she asked as soon as she pulled away to catch her breath.
I moved inside the apartment so she could close the door, and then took her by the hand to lead her to the couch. Rather than sitting, I fell onto it and tugged her down next to me. I buried my head into her neck and allowed myself to become consumed by the scent of gardenia, knowing it would calm my racing heart and frantic mind.
"Did you go home and fall asleep or something? I was expecting you hours ago."
I ran my fingers through her hair and met her worried stare. A sigh passed my lips. I wasn't sure how she'd take what I had to tell her. "I ran by the hospital on my way home. Apparently, Gabi wasn't thrilled that her mom had shown up, and her normal therapist thought I should be involved in her treatment options."
The concern I originally saw in her eyes faded into despair. The hopelessness reflecting back at me left me frantic, anxious over what she'd say. I expected anger, jealousy. But what I got was so much worse. Indifference. Defeat. It was so strong it threatened to still my heart and take away the breath from my lungs.
"So you went to Gabi first?"
"No … it wasn't like that."
Eden shoved against my chest and sat up, making me sit up with her. "You got out of jail, told me you were going to go home to shower and then come over. But instead, you went to the hospital to see Gabi. To make sure she was okay. You left here two days ago and I never heard from you. I've been worried sick. But … you went to her."