"But then I can't take care of you."
She wrangled out of my hold and turned to face me. "I don't need you to take care of me. I'm perfectly capable of providing for myself. I won't allow myself to be dependent on anyone else ever again." Her eyes softened when she placed her hand on my shoulder and shifted until our bodies were closer. "But that doesn't mean we can't be together."
I wanted to be everything for her. It didn't make any sense, but I did. Maybe it was because I was so used to being responsible for someone else that I didn't know what to do if I wasn't. I was used to going home after work and having someone be there. Even if Gabi was depressed most of the time, I knew I wasn't going home to an empty place. The thought of being alone didn't bother me. What bothered me was not going home to Eden. Knowing she'd be at her place and I'd be at mine. I didn't want to be that far away from her.
"We can split the bills right down the middle. That way it won't be a one-way street, but I'll still get to see you every day and sleep with you every night. You can't leave my office and expect me to be okay only seeing you a few nights a week. I can't go from eight hours a day, Monday through Friday, to dinners and a few sleepovers."
As she spoke, she gently caressed my skin with the tips of her fingers. "After my last breakup, I swore I wouldn't live with someone else again until I was married. And it's way too early to talk about that. So let's just keep things the way they are, and we'll figure the rest out. Normal people don't leave their fiancée, go home with their assistant, and then move in together all in one day."
My grandmother always told me you'd know when you find the right person. She said she just knew when she met my grandfather that he was the one. It really didn't make any sense to me until Eden. I thought Gabi was the one. I tried desperately to believe that, but spending five seconds with Eden made me question everything, and I suddenly understood what Grans was talking about. I knew I'd marry Eden. And for the first time in my life, the thought of waiting burned a hole in my chest.
"I just don't want to spend a night without you," I pleaded, hoping I'd wear her down.
"I think you've been in a relationship for too long and you don't know how to be by yourself. That's what scares me, if I'm being honest." She licked her lips and glanced down at her fingers, mindlessly scratching my jaw. "Actually, if I'm really being honest, the thought has crossed my mind that you're using me as a replacement for Gabi. I'm worried that during this transitional time in her life, I'm filling a void, occupying a space that rightfully belongs to her."
I leaned away and regarded her as if I could draw out the answers to my unasked questions without either of us ever speaking a word. "Please tell me you're kidding."
"No, Dane, I'm not. You told me yesterday how you'd made up your mind on the way home from Texas. You got home and you were going to leave her. But then she picked a fight and you ended up staying. In that same conversation, you tried to convince me-and probably yourself-that it was the right decision. Less than twenty-four hours later, you come to work with a bag packed after walking out on her. I get why you did it. I'm not saying I blame you. But look at this from my perspective. You didn't want to be with me enough to leave. And now that you've finally ended things-not because you chose to, but because of something she did-now you want me. I know that's not what happened. I can see it in your eyes, and I've always seen it when you look at me … but it makes me feel like I wasn't chosen. Like had you not found out she'd lied, you wouldn't be here. You'd still be with her. And now that you're not, you came to me … the placeholder."
I leaned into her, slightly hovering with my face so close to hers I could feel her exhales on my chin. "Listen, Eden … I need you to understand-"
"No." She covered my lips with her fingers, cutting me off. "I do understand. I know the situation you were in and the reasons for your choices. I get it. I also know the way you look at me … the way you make me feel when I'm around you. I see the smile on your face when we're together and the absence of light in your eyes when you talk about her. Trust me … I do understand. But even though I know the truth, it doesn't make me feel any better."
"What would make you feel better?"
"Time. That's it. Day by day, just prove to me you're not going anywhere."
"That's what I'm trying to do, Eden. But you won't let me."
"Shacking up together doesn't prove you won't leave. You were living with Gabi, yet you walked out the door this morning. I lived with my ex, but that didn't stop him from kicking me out and moving in his new girl. We can ease into this, Dane. It would be best for everyone involved."
I nodded, realizing what she meant. Wanting to live with her was selfish. It was nothing more than me craving to be with her every day, regardless of how ridiculous that idea was. Eden needed proof, so that's what I'd give her. I'd give her time and show her with actions what she meant to me.
"I'm sorry." I kissed her forehead and settled into the mattress with my arm slung over her hip. "I've never been an impatient person. My whole life has been about business-offering what I have to those who could benefit from it, while taking pleasure in knowing I was able to help. It was the same with Gabi. I honestly don't remember the last time I had a personal life. One that didn't involve business decisions. I'm not used to sitting back and waiting for things to happen."
"That's not true. You sat back and waited for Gabi to come around."
I hated that she saw my relationship that way. Because that's not how I saw it. "Actually, Gabi was more like the pot of water that refused to boil. So figuratively speaking, I put her on the back burner while I went on with business. Yes, I did wait for her to come around, but I continued to live. Even if it was mundane and played on repeat. I woke up, went to work to put out fires, and then went home to clean up messes. I kept to myself and survived the only way I knew how."
"That sounds lonely." Her voice was soft and sad.
I didn't want her to be sad. "It was, but ever since I met you, I haven't been. You brought me back to life, Eden. It's like I had flatlined, and now that I'm awake and can appreciate each day, I want to live every one to the fullest. I don't want to waste a day without you. I know you think I'm insane for wanting to ‘shack up' with you and you think it's too early or rushed or that I'm doing it because I'm not used to being alone. But that's not true. It's because I finally feel alive and have a deep desire to live."
She giggled and it was music to my ears. "Well, if we're going with the ‘back from the dead' metaphor … No one can wake up after being in a coma for a decade, hop out of bed, and then run a marathon. You need to learn to walk again. So think of this period as you adjusting to life. I'm still here, Dane. I'm not going anywhere. You don't have to lock me down for fear I won't last. Don't hold onto me like I'm your last hope-just hold my hand and we'll take nice, slow steps until we're ready for that marathon."
"Slow steps?" I laughed and ran my hand over her bare ass.
"From here on out," she said and rolled her eyes. "No moving in together anytime soon, and definitely no diamond rings or chapels or little pink plus signs. Okay?"
I drew her leg over my hip, my erection flush with her folds. "Well, if we're taking a water break at the sex station, then I might as well get my fill." I wagged my brows at her, making her giggle.
She wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled me on top of her. "Fill ‘er up, Dane."
I dropped my face to the crook of her neck and laughed, our bodies shaking with humor. "You're right … you're not very quick-witted."
16
Waking up with Eden in my arms was surreal. It was better than any dream I'd ever had of her, and the best night of sleep I'd had in forever.
Before kissing me, Eden excused herself to the bathroom. I used the time to get dressed and check my phone. I'd left it in the pocket of my work pants when we changed for the beach last night, and it was on vibrate. So if anyone had called, I wouldn't have known.
I had several missed calls from Gabi, and she'd left one voice message. There were other missed calls from a local number around one this morning, but no messages were left. I assumed Gabi had gone to a hotel or something and used the phone from there to try to get ahold of me. I didn't want to listen to her message, but just because I'd walked out on her didn't mean I no longer cared about her well-being.