"That's not my problem." I headed for the front door and said, "You're not my problem anymore," under my breath. And then I left. Walked out. Let the door close behind me and moved on. Like I should've done so long ago. Like I'd desperately wanted to do yesterday.
But now I could do so with a clean conscience.
Now I was free of the binds that had held me prisoner for over ten years of my life.
"Morning, Mr. Kauffmann," Gina greeted me when I walked into the lobby.
Ignoring the running joke of her refusal to call me Dane, I barked, "Morning." I barely glanced at her, but it was enough to recognize the offense in her blue eyes caused by my clipped tone. I had to disregard the pang in my chest at the sight. I didn't want to hurt her. I didn't want to upset her. She was like a mother to me at the office, but I couldn't push my anger aside long enough to correct it.
I made a mental note to give her a gift, possibly a bonus or an extra paid vacation. Once my head cleared, I'd have to remember to have two dozen yellow roses-her favorite-and some Godiva chocolates delivered to her, as well as personally offer her my sincerest apologies.
When my head cleared.
In the meantime, I stalked back to my office to spend hours alone in silence.
I sat at my desk, blankly staring at the same piece of paper for God knows how long. I couldn't concentrate on anything. The words on the page were nothing but black letters, blurring and blending together until I saw nothing more than symbols that didn't represent anything. The only thoughts running through my mind were of the anger and pure disgust I felt toward Gabi.
All I could think about was how I had stayed with her, hoping to save her from the horrible things that had happened to her through no fault of her own. But that horrible experience never existed. I had been miserable for years-bleak and broken. But I stayed because I'd made a promise. A promise to protect her. I always put Gabi before myself. Always. Finding out it was all a lie was like I had been tricked, schemed into staying with her. I was played, plain and simple. I gave her a house, clothes, cars, money, anything and everything she'd ever desired. The only thing I cared about or needed was being happy. But I didn't get that because of Gabi. Because of her lies, betrayal, and deceit.
I hated how even now, at work, she still stole my thoughts. I'd left her, walked out on her, yet I hadn't been able to let go of it. The hatred burned bright, threatening to take me down if I didn't stop obsessing over it. I thought coming to the office would help, but it didn't. Nothing seemed to take away the fact that my world had been completely turned upside down.
"Dane? Everything okay?" Eden's voice filtered through the room and bathed me, providing everything I needed in one nanosecond. I was wrong … there was something that would help me. And she stood in the doorway between our offices, leaning in with her hand on the frame. She was always there … especially when I needed her. I knew the answers I sought were right there within my grasp, but I couldn't pull the trigger and take that leap of faith. "I was expecting that file like an hour ago."
I glanced down to the paper I'd done nothing but stare at and closed the folder. "I'm sorry. I haven't been able to concentrate. I don't think I've gotten past the first sentence. But I trust you, so I'll take your word for it and sign off on it. If you think Grayson is a good company to invest in, then I'll take it."
"Bookers," she said, and then made her way to my desk. I stared at her in confusion as she took a seat and regarded me for a moment. Pity stared back at me. "The company is Bookers. Grayson is the one I suggested you decline."
"Oh … right." I shook my head, hoping she didn't pick up on the chaos running through my mind. Everything had changed. And no matter what I did, I couldn't stop this morning's events from playing on constant repeat, drowning me in despair. "Good thing you corrected me. That could've been a disaster."
"Are you all right? And please, don't lie to me. I know we kind of ended things in a weird place yesterday on the beach, and then your text message … but that doesn't mean I don't care. Just because I'm your employee and you're my boss doesn't mean I can't be concerned."
I nodded, then thought better of it. She'd see right through any lie I'd try to pass off as truth. Eden was the only person who truly saw me, really knew me … and it'd be pointless to be anything but honest with her. "I left Gabi this morning."
Her eyes widened slightly before she corrected her reaction. She remained stoic, unmoving while taking in my confession. Her chest rose and fell in even waves with each breath, all while keeping her gaze locked on mine. She cleared her throat and asked, "What made you decide to do that?"
I could tell she was worried it had something to do with her. It was in her tone, the uneasiness in which she sat across from me. Her shoulders were stiff and concern deepened the lines around her painted lips. I knew I needed to ease her mind, but I wasn't ready to say the words out loud yet. I still needed to come to terms with everything that had happened.
Instead, I settled on a vague truth. "The reality of our relationship didn't match the imaginary one I'd been living in for the last twelve years. She wasn't the person I thought she was-or the one I claimed to love. It was all a lie, and my eyes were finally opened to the truth."
"Want to talk about it?"
I shook my head and leaned back in my chair. "No, but thank you."
"Well, if you need me … you know where to find me." With a genuine smile, she retreated to her desk.
For the first time in weeks, Eden brought me a sandwich for lunch. It was unexpected to say the least, but not near as surprising as when she sat across from me with her own food. In silence, we both removed the paper wrappers and started to eat.
"What happened … Heidi and your new friends didn't want you to sit with them at the lunch table?" I teased, producing the first smile of the day.
"I always preferred the bathroom stalls over the cool kids' table anyhow."
"Oh, so now my office is the bathroom stall?" And there went the first chuckle.
Eden shrugged, feigning nonchalance. "Figuratively speaking," she said with a coy grin.
Not much was said during lunch, or even after. Throughout the day, I'd peer across the room and catch her watching me through the window. She had the blinds down, but not closed-just enough to see the other person without being noticeable.
She came into my office a few times to drop off papers, get my signature, or ask a question. Each time, she lingered a little bit longer than the last. I could tell she wanted me to talk to her about what had me so quiet, but she never pushed. Instead, she made herself available for me if I needed it. Her intentions were clear. She was there for me if I needed her. Eden had managed to open me like a well-read book. She'd gotten me to purge emotions and feelings that had been dormant for so long.
That terrified me.
With fifteen minutes left of the work day, she knocked on the open door, but didn't invite herself in. "I'm getting ready to head out. Anything you need before Monday?"
"Monday? What about tomorrow? Will you not be here?" Panic started to set in at the prospect of not seeing her for three days. Even though we'd barely spoken today, I liked knowing she was around. I didn't want to imagine being here alone for an entire day without her.
She giggled and raised a brow at me. "Dane, tomorrow is a holiday. No one will be here."
Somehow, I'd lost all sense of time. I'd forgotten all about the long weekend, and I suddenly dreaded thinking of spending it by myself. The thought of being alone for one day was almost too much to bear, but three … I wouldn't survive three.
"So … need anything?"
Absentmindedly, I shook my head.
The second she returned to her office, my heart sank. Eden had been the only person to notice my disposition. She was the only one to ask how I was and offer to listen if I needed someone to talk to. She made her presence known, hanging in the shadows all day in the event I was ready to open up and relieve my system of the worry that consumed me. No one else had done that. No one else had ever bothered to take the time to be there for me.
For the last twelve years, I'd been living a lie.
It was time to accept the truth.
I pulled open a drawer for the filing cabinet behind my desk and quickly searched the tabs for the paper I sought. Finding it, I grabbed it from its folder and slammed the drawer closed. I felt like I was in a race, seconds away from losing. And I was tired of losing. It was time to win.
Catching Eden by surprise, I stormed into her office. Her emerald gaze met mine, wide with shock, bright with hope. Until I placed the paper on the desk in front of her. I didn't need to say anything. She glanced at it and gasped. Her small hand covered her gaping mouth in a feeble attempt to hide her disbelief. She picked it up and then turned to face me, her eyes darting back and forth between mine and the paper in front of her, searching for answers.