Dane(21)

 

"No … " I moved closer to her, watching her slink away until she was flush  with the headboard. "That's not what I'm saying. I've never thought  about myself. Gabi has always been my number-one priority. But you've  made me see how I deserve more than that. I deserve to have someone put  me first for a change. And I'm not saying I'm leaving Gabi … just that I  deserve for her to make me a priority. There are so many things I've  thought about since I've met you that I had never thought about before.  You've opened my mind to other possibilities."

"Like what?" She seemed timid and nervous for my answer.

"It took me eleven years to pop the question. I still don't know why.  I'd never thought about it before. Even when Gabi brought it up right  before I took her to pick out her ring. It never crossed my mind why I'd  spent eleven years with a woman and never once contemplated making her  my wife. We've been engaged for almost a year, yet we still haven't  gotten married and never discussed a date. Sure, it hasn't been easy  since we lost the baby … but think about it. She was pregnant and we still  didn't make it official. I've asked myself a dozen and one times  why … but I haven't been able to come up with a logical answer."

"Well … " She started twisting the sheet between her fingers. "I'm glad  I've been able to bring up things for you to think about, but please,  don't use me as an excuse to walk away from her. Like I said before … only  you can make that decision, and it can't have anything to do with old  promises, me, or anyone else. It can't be based on the amount of time  you've been together or who she used to be. It has to be your decision  and yours alone. Please, Dane … don't make me the bad guy."

"You'd make a horrible bad guy," I said with a chuckle, hoping to lighten the mood.

It worked. She smiled and dipped her chin.

"If you keep looking down every time I make you laugh, I'm gonna put you  in one of those neck harnesses to prevent you from doing it again.  Stop." I caught her eye and watched as the green lit up with her  salacious grin. "Now, if you wouldn't mind getting off the bed so I can  get some sleep. I'm tired."

"Me?" She giggled and swatted my arm. "I have to move?"

"Well, yeah. I paid for this bed."

"How do you know this wasn't my original room? Maybe your room is the one with the leak? Have you thought about that?"

"Regardless, Eden … " I moved into her until my face was inches from hers.  "I paid for the room. Yours. Mine. It doesn't matter. It's my credit  card on file. After all, aren't you the one who said I should start  doing things for myself and not always put others first?"

"You can start this whole new and improved selfish Dane thing tomorrow. And with other people. Not me. I was in the bed first."

I stepped away and offered her a smirk before grabbing a pillow. "You're lucky I like you."

I grabbed a blanket from the closet and set up a makeshift bed on the  small couch across the room from Eden. My legs would hang off the end,  but I didn't care. One night of restless sleep wouldn't kill me. Plus,  it'd prevent me from dreaming of Eden.

"This is stupid, Dane. You're too big for that thing. I didn't even  think about it when I claimed the most comfortable spot. Here, I'll take  the couch. I'm much shorter than you are."

When I turned around, my mouth dropped open and it wouldn't surprise me  if my tongue had fallen out. She stood next to the bed in tiny sleep  shorts that showed off her toned thighs and a tank top that left little  to the imagination. I'd seen the tank top while she sat in bed, but with  the way she was positioned and the conversation we were in the middle  of, I hadn't taken notice of the fact she wasn't wearing a bra. Her  nipples pebbled and peaked against the thin fabric.

I thought I was about to choke.

I turned around quickly, unable to look at her another second without  having a physical reaction to her figure. It'd been too long since I'd  been intimate with Gabi, and I worried I wouldn't be able to control my  impulses. "It's fine, Eden. I can sleep here. You take the bed. I  swear … it's not a big deal."

"Then at least let me help you make a pallet on the floor where you can stretch out."

I took the pillow from the couch and threw it behind me, knowing I'd hit  her when she let out an oomph and a giggle. Instantly, she slung it  back at me, hitting me in the head.         

     



 

"Fine. Have it your way. I was only trying to be nice."

As soon as I heard the sheets rustle and the mattress creak, I knew it  was safe to move. I couldn't risk seeing her in her pajamas again. I  needed to avoid vivid dreams of her body and the way I knew she'd make  me feel, and seeing her dressed in skimpy clothes with nothing but my  imagination of what she had-or didn't have-on beneath them didn't help.

Once we were both settled in, Eden turned off the bedside light. The  cloak of darkness seemed to help us both relax. It was like we were  finally able to be ourselves again, and that's when we started joking  around, making each other laugh while we talked from across the room.

Damn did I miss her laugh. I loved hearing it. She made different sounds  and I was starting to understand them all. When she really thought  something was funny, she'd throw her head back, open her mouth wide, and  let out the loudest, throaty guffaw I'd ever heard. There was no way  anyone within hearing distance could have kept a straight face when it  erupted. But it was the complete opposite when she became shy. She'd  look down with a slow-building smile. If you weren't close enough, you'd  almost miss the soft humming of a giggle that escaped. Then there where  her teasing snickers, the ones she'd let out right after giving me a  hard time about something. Her lips would turn up in a tight smirk and I  could tell she was trying to hold back and not openly smile. She  thought she was funny but tried to play it off.

I couldn't tell which one was my favorite. They all were. And it wasn't  just the sounds; it was the smile and what she said before and after. It  was all of it. It was how they made me feel. The emotions that erupted  on my face and the noises she was able to induce in response from me. It  was happiness I didn't ever recall feeling. And that's when it hit me. I  didn't know Gabi's laughs or smiles, not like I did Eden's. I couldn't  remember there ever being a time I was so drawn to an emotion from her.  And I certainly didn't ever remember her laughter making me feel that  content.

I fell asleep and suffered the worst night in a long time. Not only was  the couch incredibly uncomfortable, but I couldn't get Eden off the  brain. By the time my eyes popped open, I prayed she was still asleep so  I could make it to the bathroom without her witnessing the display of  my morning wood.

Except, she was already in the bathroom when I got up.

"Give me a minute," she called out through the closed door.

I took the blanket from the couch and wrapped it around my waist while I  waited for Eden to emerge. When she did, I couldn't even look at her as  I slipped into the bathroom. The entire time, my heart raced. I was  convinced she knew what was going on. As if she could sense the erection  hidden beneath the blanket. It felt wrong. Like a betrayal. Like I was  cheating.

I felt ashamed.

Guilty.

"Let me know when you're done getting dressed," I said as I closed the bathroom door behind me.

I was thankful I'd left my bag in the bathroom after my shower last  night. It made it easier to change my clothes without having to worry  about being in the same room as Eden. I thought I'd be able to handle  this, handle being so close to her. But I couldn't. Sharing a room was a  horrible idea and I regretted not listening to her when she suggested  we find another hotel.

Pure torture.

I couldn't wrap my head around my feelings for the woman. She was sexy  and beautiful and caring-an amazing person I found myself wanting to  talk to endlessly. I was drawn to her. But not in a sexual way, despite  the dreams that plagued me. Sometimes they were of Eden alone, but most  of the time Gabi was in them, too. It was like my brain couldn't decide  between the two. But there was just something Eden offered me that I  hadn't been able to obtain from anyone else. Aside from the support and  friendship she gave, there was something else I couldn't quite put my  finger on. But it was there. And it was something I didn't care to give  up.

The thought of losing it frightened me.

More so than the thought of losing Gabi.

I shook my head and finished getting dressed. I couldn't allow myself to  think that way. Eden was right when she said my decision couldn't be  based on anyone else. And it wouldn't do any good to think of Eden while  contemplating the future of my relationship. Although, it was  incredibly difficult to not think about Eden, for any reason.

I took far too long in the bathroom, almost making us late for  breakfast. I guess somewhere in my subconscious, I was trying to stay in  the room. Leaving meant the trip was almost over and we'd have to head  home. I wasn't ready for that quite yet.