It led me to meet Sharon. It led me to that clinic, the doctors that made me talk, and the realization of what I was meant to do. It took ten years, the suicide of an innocent man, two attempted suicides of my own, and years of self-loathing to finally see the reason behind what Todd had done to me. What my purpose was in life. And that was to help others who found themselves in the same place I'd been in for all that time.
It allowed me to know the kind of pain these girls had suffered through. Sharon helped me see that sometimes it's hard to open up to people who have never felt the kind of pain I've felt, and that was what made it all so clear to me. If others knew how much I suffered, and could see how I had made it through it all, they could feel hopeful that they could do the same.
Dane's public relations representative, Janette, contacted me months after I left rehab. She sat me down and wanted to talk. She cemented my theory by showing me I could be successful and happy in the end. She was married with children after suffering through her own personal hell. She even discovered a daughter through it all. I wanted that. I wanted love in the end. Not to save me-I was the only one who could do that-but I wanted love to support me.
And I found just that.
I eventually started talking to my mother again. She wasn't exactly in my life, but she was someone I kept in contact with from time to time. I had forgiven her. I no longer wanted to carry that burden. I let it go and moved on. I couldn't pay the price for her actions any longer and had left that for her to do.
I never knew what happened to Todd. I didn't want to know. It no longer mattered to me how he felt about it. For so long, all I had wanted was for him to be punished for what he'd done to me. For him to feel the same pain and heartache that had kept me imprisoned for years. But I eventually learned that it wasn't any of my concern. Wanting him to be punished was essentially punishing myself, and I couldn't do that. He was the one who had to live with what he did. I would always smile knowing what Dane had done to him, but after that incident, I no longer cared. I could not allow it to consume my life any more than it already had. I had to put it all behind me.
And that's exactly what I did.
After the condo sold and I attended enough sessions with my therapist to make me feel okay, Sharon and I moved four hours away. To a new place ready for new beginnings. We began attending therapy there by following the recommendation from our psychologist. With the help of our new therapist, we started Reasons to Talk. It began with a simple hotline. It was just the two of us in our tiny apartment and two telephone lines. But soon, it grew into something so much bigger.
After a year, we had an office full of volunteers to answer incoming phone calls. We handpicked each and every volunteer, making sure they had enough experience to make a difference in every call we received. Sharon and I went onto speaking engagements and even met with girls one on one. It gave me a sense of peace knowing I was there to help as young women opened up about the horrific things they had experienced. Nothing felt better than hearing from them later on, listening to them remind us what we were doing mattered-it was helping people. We were making a difference in the lives of many.
Everything happens for a reason.
Five years after moving away and putting that tiny beach town and memories behind me, I received a phone call from Janette. She asked me if I could attend a dinner function for Kauffmann Investments. It was a charity event and they wanted to donate the proceeds to my organization. They also wanted me to speak at the event and share my story. It felt like everything had come full circle.
My nerves ran high knowing I would be around Dane again after all this time, but I was eager to see him. I had kept up with him throughout the years and even sent him a card, congratulating him on the birth of his son, Adam. He was born only a year after I left town, but since then, there had been no contact between us.
In my flowing black gown, I fidgeted with my hands as I waited for him to show up. I didn't know what to expect. I didn't want it to be awkward, but I had no idea how he would feel after five years.
Michael grabbed my hand and smiled at me. "You're playing with your rings again. It's going to be fine, I promise. You need to stop worrying-it's not good for you." The love I saw in his eyes made the chaotic storm inside me instantly settle.
I placed my hand on my extended belly and rubbed it, smiling at my amazing husband.
"You look radiant, by the way," he said with a genuine smile.
"So do you." I squeezed his hand and then kissed him.