"Have you ever … ?" I didn't finish my question, but she knew what I meant.
Her eyes never left mine as she slowly shook her head. "No, but that doesn't mean I don't understand how hard it is to lose something before getting it."
"The last seven and a half months have been excruciating. She refuses to let it go. She's depressed all the time, and I don't know what to do about it. I've moved on, and sometimes, she makes me feel guilty for doing so. Then there are times I resent her for holding on." I knew I'd said too much and the guilt began to flood my system. It wasn't my place to talk to another woman about Gabi. I don't know what had motivated me to do so.
Eden kept her gaze on me but didn't utter a sound. She didn't offer any advice or ask any more questions. She simply sat there with her dark-green eyes, pleading with me to keep going. I didn't want to, but it seemed I was a slave to those emerald orbs. I shoved the guilt aside so I could continue. Now that I'd started purging, I couldn't stop. The weight on my chest felt slightly lighter.
"She used to see this psychologist but stopped going months ago. She said it wasn't helping. After begging her to talk to someone, she's finally agreed to see him again. But as far as I know, she hasn't made an effort to do so. I miss the person she was before. It's affected me greatly. I used to be happy. I used to be fun. And now I'm not capable of those things."
"I wouldn't have guessed otherwise. I don't look at you and see a miserable person. And I personally think you're fun."
I couldn't tell her she saw me that way because she brought it out of me when I was around her. She induced laughter and made me forget about my troubles. She was the reason for the smiles on my face. But I couldn't tell her that without sounding like a bastard.
"I guess some people have a way of bringing that out in me," is all I said.
A small, careful grin tugged at the corners of her lips, and it did something to me. Even after opening up about Gabi and the baby, her smile could still affect me. And I hated it. Gabi should've been the one sitting next to me and having that effect on me. It shouldn't be another woman.
But it was.
And I didn't know how to feel about that.
Eden tilted her beer bottle up and finished the last drop. "You about ready to get in the water?" she asked, and I knew she'd done it to change the subject.
"Sure. But let me go grab a couple floats. Can I get you another drink?" I stood and brushed the sand off my legs.
"Please. I might need it if I'm in the ocean." She giggled.
The moment she reached for the hem of her top, I quickly walked away, unable to handle watching her strip down to her bathing suit.
"Who's that?" Gary, one of the guys from the office, stopped me on my way to the cooler. He tipped his chin, gesturing behind me, even though I knew who he meant.
"Oh, that's Eden Clare. She's my new assistant. She started this week."
"Lucky you. You get to see that every day?"
Every muscle in my body stiffened. A wave of protectiveness washed over me-something I hadn't felt in a really long time, and never for anyone other than Gabi. But I didn't like the way he regarded Eden. I wanted to lash out, to punch him, to wring his neck, except I couldn't do any of that. I had no right. She didn't belong to me, and I couldn't risk anyone questioning my feelings toward her. Hell, even I didn't understand it.
Instead of speaking my mind, I simply responded, "She's very smart and has helped me tremendously. I wouldn't be surprised if she ends up taking over and demotes me to assistant." I'm sure he misread the smile on my face, assuming it was a joke. But the truth is, merely thinking about Eden and how brilliant she was brought on a level of happiness I never expected.
"Regardless, she's gorgeous."
I grabbed two beers and glanced over my shoulder, wondering what had him staring in that direction. Eden stood next to her chair, spraying lotion on her bare legs.
I couldn't look away.
She was so beautiful and ungodly sexy, and I finally got to see the full extent of the tattoo on her arm. They were colorful flowers, but I had seen those before. What I hadn't seen was the tree branch that extended across her shoulder blades, leading to the flowers. It was an amazing piece. I had quite a few tats on my body and had seen a lot on others. But I had never seen something that amazing.
A tree decorated the entire right side of her torso. The trunk was twisted and dead, but the limbs coming out of it were very much alive. They swept under one shoulder blade and crossed her upper back to the other, ending in the most beautiful explosion of colorful flowers that made up the half sleeve on her left arm. I longed to see it up close and touch every inch of it, trace the lines with the tips of my fingers.
I had to stop staring. I felt like everyone on the beach noticed my obvious assessment of her. I shook it off and grabbed a raft before heading over to where she stood, keeping my attention on the sand instead of the stunning redhead in a revealing bikini.
"Thanks," she said when she took the beer from my hand. "Why do I feel like everyone's eyes are on me right now?"
I dropped the raft to my feet and tugged my shirt over my head. "Just ignore them. You're new … they always scrutinize the new people."
I tossed my shirt onto her chair and picked up the raft. But when I faced Eden again, I found her staring at my chest, her mouth hanging open. It wasn't the first time a woman had viewed me in that way, but it was the first time I never wanted it to end. I'd never wanted someone to check me out as much as I wanted her to. And as I watched her large chest heave up and down, I knew I had the same effect on her.
Even though I didn't want the moment to end, I knew it had to. So I cleared my throat, earning her attention, and asked, "You ready to do this?"
She shook her head, as if clearing away her thoughts, and then nodded. "Better get me out there before I change my mind," she said with a soft giggle.
I walked ahead of her, knowing I wouldn't be able to handle seeing her bottom sway in those small bikini bottoms had I walked behind her. And once I made it out far enough, I stopped and turned around. I couldn't contain my laughter when I found her about ten feet behind me, wide-eyed with fear, the waves hitting her knees.
"Come on … I have your raft." I pushed it in her direction while still holding onto it. "It's not deep here. The water will come up to your waist. You'll be fine."
Fear coated her face until she reached me and took hold of the raft, gripping it tightly as if her life depended on it.
"I thought the goal was to keep people from knowing you can't swim." I couldn't stop laughing, and it was a good thing she found it funny, too-otherwise, she might've been offended thinking I was making fun of her.
"I almost drowned a week ago. It will take time to get over my lifelong fear. I still have nightmares about it."
I grabbed the raft between us and lowered myself until the waves washed over my shoulders. It was the only thing separating us, and for the first time, I found myself wishing there was nothing in our way. I couldn't stop thinking about the night on the pier when we'd jumped off the side. The way her legs had worked their way around my waist and the dreams that had consumed me almost every night this week.
Ever since the first night I met Eden, I recognized that she was attractive. There really wasn't anything about her I didn't like. However, not once had I felt attracted to her … until now. The realization made my stomach roll and my heart speed up.
"When you said you needed to know Gabi was real … what did you mean by that?" I found myself asking. I had no idea where the question had come from, and now that it was out there, I wished I could've swallowed it back down.
Eden tipped her beer up and took a long pull from the bottle. She averted her eyes and licked the liquid from her lip, and I could tell my question had thrown her off as much as it did me.
Right before I could tell her to ignore the question, she opened her mouth and gave me the answer I craved to hear-however, it was also what I feared the most. "You're fun to be around and I enjoy talking to you. I know I could easily fall for you if I let myself … and honestly, it's a fight not to. I thought if I knew about her-her name at the very least, or how you fell in love-it'd be easier to picture you as a couple and to treat you as nothing more than my boss."
It wasn't until I felt her legs brush against mine in the water that I realized how close I'd brought the raft-and her-toward me.
"Do you think it's a bad idea for you to work for me?" My gaze slowly lifted from her chin to her eyes, and I recognized the same fear I suffered stared back at me. "I'm not insinuating you should quit, and I'm not going to fire you. If I'm being completely honest, you're the best thing that's happened to me since … " I shook my head, refusing to finish that sentence. The pain was a constant reminder of my link to Gabi. Eden made me forget all the suffering that waited for me at home.