Dane(107)

Until I could tell her I wanted her, and she'd believe me.

I needed her to have no doubt in her mind.





24





Shopping for furniture proved to be harder than I'd ever imagined. The bed was easy. The moment I saw the photo online of the four-poster bed made to look like it'd been carved straight from a tree, I knew that was the one I wanted to share with Eden. I hadn't picked it out for her, but for us. However, that was about the only piece of furniture I'd been able to choose.

I had everything else narrowed down to a few choices, although I needed help making the final decisions. I had the website pulled up on my computer when Eden came into my office. I expected her to drop something off, maybe give me a short explanation about it, and then leave. So when she sat in the chair across from me, I was a little taken aback.

"Are we okay, Dane? The last two days have been strained and I don't know how to handle it. And if I'm being honest, it's kind of affecting my job. I have to talk myself into knocking on your door, and if there's something I need to tell you, I get nervous. I just want to make sure we're okay."

"Define 'okay.' Because it seems like we've been many different things to each other, and I don't know which one is right. But if you're asking if I'm mad, then the answer is no. I'm not angry or upset with you. I'm only trying to get through this part of my life so I can move on."

Her gaze dropped to my desk, where she stared at seemingly nothing, lost in thought. "Okay. That makes sense. I just haven't known how to act around you, and I'm unfamiliar with that." 

"That's easy … act like yourself."

"Easier said than done. I had kind of gotten used to your joking moods-and your texts. But it's been a while since I've had either of those things. I know something changed on Monday between us. I guess I'm worried it's permanent."

My heart pounded at her words-although, it felt lighter, as if it became easier to beat. "I wasn't sure if you were even getting my texts. You never responded to them. And when you told me how hard it is for you to be my friend, to be there for me while I'm going through this life change, I guess I assumed you didn't care to hear from me."

"Dane," she whispered and almost slouched in her seat. "I never meant that I don't want to be your friend. I know I said you couldn't come to me with personal things, but really, that was only so I didn't have to listen to you talk about how sad you are over the Gabi situation. That's selfish of me-I know. But I couldn't chance getting my hopes up that you were letting her go, only to have my heart obliterated when you changed your mind and decided to be with her again. I didn't mean to let you down or make you feel isolated. Please, believe me when I tell you that."

"I believe you. And I get it. It was careless of me to come to you about that. I guess I never thought there was anything I couldn't go to you with. But you asked me to do this on my own, so that's what I've decided to do. I haven't ignored you over the last two days because I'm angry. Yes, I was upset and hurt, but that's not why I've stayed to myself. I'm simply trying to give you what you asked for, while also learning how to do things on my own. You were right when you said I was jumping from one relationship to the next, and that I needed time for me. So that's what I'm doing."

She seemed sad, sorrow dimming her eyes, but then again, I wasn't exactly sure what I expected. "I'm really glad to hear that. You deserve some peace after everything that's happened lately. And honestly, you haven't had your own identity since you were a teenager. I think it's good for you to find that. Learn who you are."

"I already know who I am. I'm the same person I've always been. The only difference is now I'm single and don't have to worry about taking care of someone else. But regardless if I'm with someone or not, I'll still be the person who wants to care for others. That's who I am at the core. Who I always will be. Making others happy is what makes me happy."

"So what kinds of things are you doing with your time?"

I smirked, about to tease her for asking a personal question, but I didn't want this conversation to end. I didn't want to send her off to her office after days of not having any time with her. So instead of throwing her rules back in her face, I turned my computer screen to face her. "I'm redecorating. Turns out, I know nothing about style. Help me pick out a couch. These are the ones I narrowed it down to."

Her eyes lit up as she leaned closer to see the images. "I like the beige one. It's mature looking. It's the epitome of what I picture for a family room. But the black one is more manly. It all depends if you're looking to have a bachelor vibe to the room. One says family man while the other hints to a sophisticated single guy." She was fishing, I could tell. But I wouldn't give in.