Blinking at me, she carefully removed herself from the chair and left my office, not saying another word. I'd left the clinic needing Eden to make everything right again. But instead, she broke me down even more than I already was. I didn't want to hurt her. I didn't want to put any more barriers between us. All I wanted was for her to understand what she'd done to me. And the look on her face as she walked away from me proved I'd done just that. I'd made her feel as horrible as I did.
I had no idea when Eden returned to her office, as she never let me know. I buried myself in work in order to take my mind off my morning and off the issues with Eden. One of the companies I'd taken over was back on its feet and preparing to retake control of its business operations. I went ahead and got that revised contract all ready to go. All it needed were signatures and my reimbursement.
Focusing on work got me through to Tuesday afternoon. Things with Eden had gone from bad to worse. The majority of our communication existed through emails. If for some reason she had to come to me, we barely spoke. It wasn't that I didn't want to talk to her or see her … it just seemed as though we were stuck in this space of neither person knowing what to say or how to act. My silence fed into hers, and her avoidance enticed mine. No matter how many times I'd thought of her, I couldn't bring myself to do anything about it. I knew it would only be a few more days before I had all the pieces in place, and then I could go to her. Hopefully then, she'd see all I'd done for her, for us. I told her I'd prove myself to her, and that's what I had to focus on.
I'd found out the seller had already signed over the title for the house. All we were waiting on was my signature, and then the keys would be mine. I'd made an appointment with the title agency for this afternoon to go in and take care of my part. The realtor had also called with an offer on the condo. It was less than the asking price, but I didn't care. I was ready to put it all behind me and move on, so I accepted. They wanted to close in four weeks, but I knew it wouldn't take that long to get out of it. I'd sold it furnished, so all I had to take with me were my personal effects. I'd already boxed up all Gabi's things and put them in storage for her.
I had to leave an hour early from work in order to make it downtown, but when I went to inform Eden that I was leaving, she wasn't in her office. Rather than sending her an email to let her know I'd be out of the office until the morning, I jotted a quick note and left it on her desk.
Signing the title didn't take long, and before I knew it, I had the keys to my new house in hand. I drove straight there, only making a quick stop to pick up a twelve pack of beer. The electricity still had to be turned on, so instead of going inside, I cut through the yard and sat on the dock. It was dark and quiet, the perfect combination to think.
I'd done all this for Eden. To show her what she meant to me. But maybe I'd been wrong. Maybe she'd been right all along. I needed to do this for me. I had to let go of Gabi and the pain I felt in regards to the relationship that had ended. I needed to learn to be me, to take care of myself. I needed to put myself first and stop trying to be everything for everyone else.
This had to be about me.
As I sat there, beer in hand, I looked at everything I'd done over the last month. I analyzed my every move, my every decision. I bought a house. Even though I'd believed that was for Eden, I knew that wasn't the case. Yes, I found something that reminded me of her and bought it with the hopes of sharing it with her, raising a family with her in it, but that wasn't the reason for the move. I made the decision to let go of the condo for me. Because that place was never mine. It never felt like home, and I so desperately needed a place to call mine. It was also part of letting Gabi go.
That was the hardest part. Letting her go. Making the decision to not only walk away, but to cut her out of my life for good. Hearing her tell me she felt the same and understood why it was for the best made things easier. It made me see it as more of a mutual decision instead of me carelessly hurting her.
Once I had everything out of the condo and into the house, had it all set up and lived in, I could go after Eden. But sitting here, I realized I couldn't do that until I had taken all the necessary steps. As much as I wanted to continue my texts, asking her to marry me and spend the rest of her life with me, I knew I had to slow it down. Not turn my back, not give up, but allow me to make the final arrangements of separating my old life from the one I hoped to share with Eden. And considering we hadn't spoken much at work lately, I wouldn't have had to change anything. I only had to keep things the way they were for a little while longer until I could say with conviction that I'd lived alone, I'd taken time for myself, I'd moved on.