She huffed and briefly closed her eyes. "Can you for one second see how difficult this is for me and accept that I'm doing the best I can?"
"No. I can't. Because you refuse to see what this does to me."
"I'm not refusing to see anything, Dane." Her tone was soft, almost sad, but it didn't stop me from arguing with her. I could tell she didn't want a fight, but no matter how hard I tried to hold it together, I failed.
"I saw Gabi this morning. To say goodbye. I've done everything I can to make sure she's taken care of after she's out of rehab, but from now on, she's on her own." Utter heartache clogged my throat and made it difficult to get the words out. "I had to break a promise to someone I'd sworn to protect. I promised her I would take care of her, keep her safe, never let anything else ever happen to her again. And I had to fucking say goodbye to her this morning. After all that, I needed you, Eden."
"I'm here, Dane. I haven't gone anywhere."
"But you're not here. You have cut yourself out of my life in every way I've cut myself out of Gabi's. You keep the door closed, the blinds shut. I only see you when you're picking up or dropping off files or documents. I have no one to talk to. No one to tell me I'm doing the right thing. No one to make me feel okay for turning my back on someone I've shared so much history with. I've been there for anyone who's ever needed it, and the one time I need someone to be there for me … I'm all alone. So don't tell me you've been here, because you haven't."
Eden blinked rapidly, releasing a tear that she quickly brushed away. In a soft, emotion-filled tone, she started to explain. "I was there for you, listening to your stories about how you fell in love with Gabi. Listening to you talk about the physical pain you felt over her depression. I can't count how many times I had to hear you tell me that you loved her. No matter how hard I fought against developing feelings for you, I lost. So every time you came to me, upset about Gabi, telling me how much you wished she'd get better so you two could ride off into the sunset together, I had to push my own feelings aside and be supportive."
The agony in her voice wound tight around me until I couldn't breathe.
"I told you the things you needed to hear-work it out, be there for her, do what you felt was right. All the while, my heart broke a little more. Every time you told me how miserable you were, inside, I was screaming, 'I can make you happy. Choose me.' And when you finally did, I didn't want to believe it. I knew we were rushing. I knew it'd blow up in my face. But I wanted you, and so I gave in."
She wiped away another tear. I was on the verge of saying something, but she continued.
"I had a taste of what it'd be like to be yours. Just a taste. Then you went running back to her. I don't think you comprehend how much that killed me. I understood why you did what you did. I don't blame you for anything. She needed you and you were there for her. But that doesn't mean it didn't cut me like a knife. And all I asked was that you take some time to get it all figured out. Because I knew this would happen. This … right here. You'd have to completely sever ties with her at some point-make the decision to cut her off financially, emotionally. And I knew that wouldn't be easy. Doesn't mean I didn't want to be there for you when it happened. I just can't bear the pain of listening to it. Of seeing how it affects you. I'm trying to protect myself, Dane."
"So you decided to go on lunch dates with other guys while I go through this alone?" I spat at her.
"That's not what it was."
"You looked pretty cozy when I walked in." I didn't want to sound jealous, but that's how I felt. I didn't like what it did to me to see her laughing with someone else, to see her smile at him the way she used to smile at me. I wanted to hit the guy, fire him, do something to make him disappear. And that wasn't the kind of person I was. Despite attacking Sean, I wasn't a violent person. Yet one second of seeing Eden act natural around another man left me with nothing but violent thoughts.
"I'm not interested in him." Sincerity brightened her eyes.
I sighed and leaned back in my seat, wincing when my side stretched.
She must've sensed my discomfort, because her eyes narrowed and she asked, "What's wrong? Are you hurt?"
"No. I'm fine. Just a new tattoo. It's still sore and likes to catch me off guard when I forget it's there." I took in her reaction, carefully studying her expression. I could tell she wanted to ask me about it. She stared intently at my side as if she could see through my shirt. But rather than giving her answers, I stood and said, "I have a lot to catch up on. Enjoy your break."