"What would you like? I'll go get it while you finish settling in."
"It doesn't matter." She glanced down at the bottle in my hand. "Beer is fine with me. I'm not picky."
I nodded and headed to the cooler, if nothing more than to give me time to clear my head. Standing around a bunch of guys who'd known me for years, and worked with me on a daily basis, hadn't done a damn thing to help my somber mood. But two minutes in Eden's presence and somehow, everything cleared and seemed less gloomy.
Before I could leave the cooler, I was stopped by Heidi from the legal department. "Someone brought cornhole. Did you and Gabby want to play?" She glanced around and then took notice of the two beer bottles in my hands. "Did Gabi come with you?"
I felt awkward holding two drinks, but I passed it off, not wanting to look guilty for anything. I hadn't done anything wrong. "Uh … no. She wasn't feeling well. Maybe I can find another partner to play with me. I'll come find you if I do."
I tried to move away, but she gently touched my arm to stop me. "Is she okay?"
"Oh, yeah. She's fine. Just wanted to stay out of the sun today."
With a nod, she dropped her hand and let me pass.
Eden was in her beach chair when I reappeared with drinks. The plan was to hand her the bottle of beer I'd already opened and put in a koozie for her, and then leave her alone. But as soon as I approached her, she gestured with an open hand to the towel she'd spread out next to her chair.
"Did you come by yourself?" she asked, practically eliminating any possibility of an exit. I nodded and dug my toes into the sand, refusing to sit. "Is this not her scene?"
I glanced at her, wondering how to explain it, and questioning if I even should. But when my eyes locked on hers, I was mesmerized. Trapped. Unable to look away. And the words poured out, as if she'd placed me under a trance and coaxed the truth out of me.
"Nothing seems to be her scene anymore."
"Tell me about her."
I blinked a few times, wondering what to do. I never spoke to anyone about Gabi, never thought it was right. But over this past week, I'd come to realize not talking about it had negatively impacted me. I'd found myself trapped in this dark, lonely space, and keeping everything in wasn't helping.
"It's okay if you don't want to, but there's clearly something going on. I'm a really good listener." Eden pointed to the towel once again, and I finally caved.
I sat next to her, beneath the shade of a few trees, and stretched my legs out. My eyes darted around the beach, and I quickly worried what others would think of me sitting here alone with her. Then I remembered they worked for me, and I stopped giving a shit. We were only talking. It wasn't a crime to confide in someone of the opposite sex.
"What's her name?" Her voice broke through my thoughts, and I realized I hadn't spoken since sitting down.
"Gabi," I answered without making eye contact.
"That's pretty. Is it short for something?"
"Yeah. Gabriella."
"Oh, I love that name. Is she Spanish?"
I finally turned my attention to Eden. I wasn't sure how I felt about all her prying questions. Part of me grew irritated, wondering why she cared to know all this. But another part of me softened, realizing she was only being nice … and respectful.
After our almost-kiss last weekend, things had been slightly awkward between us. There were moments when we both seemed to forget about it and found ourselves laughing and stealing glances through the window between our offices. And then there were times the uneasiness was so thick you could've cut it with a knife.
"Her father was from Peru."
"Oh, wow. Does she speak Spanish?"
"No. Her dad died when she was young."
"That's sad. Does she remember him?"
I shook my head, not understanding why she kept pushing the topic. It sounded like she sought to be friends with Gabi instead of trying to get me to open up.
"I couldn't imagine. Does she have any siblings?"
"What does it matter? I don't get why you're asking so many questions about this." My tone came out short and clipped. Opening up about personal things, things I'd kept guarded and safely behind a brick wall, was hard.
Her red hair whipped around her face with the breeze, and I had to stop myself from reaching out to touch it. Gabi wasn't a topic I cared to pursue any longer, and I didn't have a desire to answer any more questions.
She broke eye contact and stared off into the distance. Her expression softened and a quiet exhale slipped past her parted lips. "I need to know she's real."
Her words drove straight into my chest. They exploded inside and wrapped around my heart, squeezing it and threatening to make it stop beating. I had no idea if she meant it the way I took it, but I couldn't find it in me to ask her to clarify.
"She's real, Eden. I promise you, she's real."
"You love her?" Her voice was so small I barely heard it over the crashing of the waves and the laughter of the people around me. But it was loud enough to echo in my thoughts.
"Yes. I love her. I've always loved her."
"How long have you been together?" she asked.
I smiled nervously. "Since high school. She was always this quiet girl who kept to herself. I couldn't help but notice her, and finally, I decided to make the first move and talk to her."
She smiled and shook her head. "And you've been together ever since?"
I nodded. "Yup. Through everything."
"Is that why you were quiet last weekend at the pier when I showed up? You said you had things going on … was it about her? You avoided talking to me about it to keep from telling me you were with someone?"
I closed my eyes and thought about how to answer her. "That wasn't it at all. I admit, it was nice being around someone who didn't know how fucked up my personal life is, but that was it. I swear. You make it sound like I lied to you for some perverse reason. And that's not the case."
"I didn't say that, Dane. We flirted. You complimented me. We had an easy banter between us. I'm just saying had I known about Gabi from the beginning, I never would've tried to kiss you … and then things never would've gotten awkward."
"I know, and I'm sorry. Maybe I was being selfish and enjoyed the flirting and the fun banter." I glanced at her, hoping she could see the truth in my eyes. "Not because I was trying to be deceitful, but because I crave the kind of easiness you seem to provide whenever you're around."
"What is so bad, Dane? What's going on with you that's so bad you have to flirt with a stranger from a bar with no hopes or desires for it to go further? I see you … " She held her opened palm to gesture to my body. "You're a very attractive man. Not to mention, you have a great personality. Sometimes you're even funny." She offered a playful smile. "Things can't be that bad."
"We found out we were going to be parents." I shook my head, not having a clue as to why I decided to give in and blurt that out to her. "It wasn't planned, but it was something we both knew we wanted eventually. I won't lie-I was scared shitless. Neither one of us knew how to be parents, and we weren't exactly prepared for it, but those two lines made it very clear it was something we would be doing whether we were ready or not."
Eden didn't speak, letting me continue without interruption. I couldn't even look at her while I recalled the story, so I stared at the sand covering her pink toenails and focused on that instead of the words coming out of my mouth. It helped with the pain settling in my chest.
"When she was eleven weeks pregnant, she miscarried. The doctors explained it happens sometimes for no reason, but she took it hard. I took it hard too, but not like her. And I think most of my pain was because I witnessed her sorrow. This past Monday was her due date. I had forgotten about it until she called me home and reminded me."
Eden gasped. "I'm so sorry."
I shrugged. Apologies didn't fix anything. "I think the hardest part is that she keeps referring to it as a she, even though we never knew what it was. To me, it was just a pregnancy. But to her, it was a baby girl. And I have mixed feelings about it. It's not that I didn't love it or want it, but to me, it wasn't quite real. Maybe that makes me an asshole, I don't know."
"It doesn't make you an asshole. It's harder for guys to understand the concept of a baby before it's born. It's different with women. We feel the change in our bodies. It's not just an idea to women, it's a reality. That doesn't make you an asshole."
I stared at her with so many things I wanted to say. So many things I wanted to ask. Her demeanor changed and it made me move with caution.